Battlefield
by SquintandProud-x
Summary: Even after she closed the door on her scaring past, it always manages to slip back through the cracks. Once again, Buffy has to cope when her traumatic past comes back fiercer than ever before. B/A SHIP! ALL HUMAN! Sequel to Silent Tears.
1. Happiness

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Disclaimer: I own nothing except my imagination and collection of Buffy DVDS.

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**Battlefield.**

**Chapter One: Happiness. **

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_Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. _

The words spoken by Albus Dumbledore, in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, always held a special place in my heart. One of the reasons for that was because it seemed that the words could have easily been wrote for me, trying to urge me to switch on the light. Only now, a year and a half later after confessing my love for Angel, did I realise how inspirational those words had been to me.

Ever since Angel and I had joined together as one, life seemed to have brightened fiercely. I was no longer a lonely woman, fighting the horrors of her past, with no one there to understand me. I had found my best friend and soul mate in one, banishing away all the loneliness and horror that had consumed most of my life. And then, three months after we had declared the bond of our love, I fell pregnant. I still remembered how I was scared when I first saw the little pink plus sign. I sat down with Angel that night and told him straight out. Seeing the love shine blindingly in his eyes, the fear instantly disappeared. I realised, after everything that had happened with Spike, Angel was my second chance to actually have the family I had always dreamed of but yet never been able to reach.

My nine months of pregnancy had been a magical time. I had lost out on so much with my first pregnancy, barely even getting to come to terms that I was having a child, that this pregnancy had been all new and adventurous to me. Before I had even had my second scan to determine the sex of the baby, I firmly told Angel that we were having a girl. We started discussing names and the best way to decorate the nursery. Willow happily gave us a few of Sky's things from her newborn baby days – to which Angel and I were thankful for. Even though I had missed out on Willow's pregnancy, she seemed to be claiming the experience back through mine. Mom was obviously overwhelmed with joy, however was deeply saddened when I told her I was moving out to go live with Angel so we could be a properly family. But she still continued to stick by my side like the amazing Mother she was.

When our second scan date finally arrived, I stuck out my tongue at Angel when the doctor told us that we were having a daughter. With the gender of the baby confirmed for definite, and not just through my '_Mommy's intuition'_ as Angel called it, we were ready to get started on welcoming our daughter into the world. Cordelia took me clothes shopping, as I knew she would, and had me buying almost three hundred dollars worth of clothes in one shop alone. Willow and Xander accompanied me when I went to buy the cot and all the other appliances that needed to be fixed together – which was where Xander came into it as the building was all his expertise.

Eventually, nine months later, I was blessed with a tiny baby girl on the seventeenth of February. Holding her in my arms was an indescribable feeling. This time I had succeeded in my responsibility to protect my child. And, even though I still loved my first child who had been sadly lost along the way, I knew that life was complete…

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'Angel, your daughter is crying,' I mumbled into my pillow.

Evelyn Willow O'Conner, our six month old daughter, enjoyed waking us up in a tsunami of tears every morning through the baby monitor situated besides our bed. Evelyn was a Daddy's girl all over, which was why on this early morning I ordered Angel to go and attend to our daughter. Though, as I should have known, he was a man and would do the complete opposite of what he was told.

I glanced out of the corner of my eye to find Angel deeply asleep, his mouth slightly agape with a hint of drool pooling the corners of his mouth. I smirked at the sleeping form of my soul mate. Knowing that I would be unable to penetrate his sleep, I threw the covers off me and rolled out of bed. Grabbing my dressing gown that was hung over one of the bed posts, I shuffled out of the room.

The hallway was now littered with pictures of Evelyn. My favourite was the first picture we had ever taken of her where her tiny thumb was stuck in her mouth whilst she slept peacefully. As I continued to walk down the hallway towards Evelyn's room, the pictures became more recent. The closest one to her door was one that had been snapped earlier this month when she first sat up without Angel or me assisting her.

I pushed open the door.

Evelyn lay in her cot, her legs lifted in the air, as the cries continued to erupt from her tiny mouth.

I was by the cots side in mere seconds and had swept her up in my arms before she could even blink. As soon as I held her tightly against my chest, the crying silenced. I felt her small fingers wrap around one on my blonde curls, twisting it between her fingers as she babbled happily in delight.

I pressed a kiss to the blonde tuft of hair on her hair. Her hair was one of the limited features she had inherited from me. She had Angels' deep, brown eyes, which I was pleased about, and his pale skin, along with the structure of his jaw. From me she had inherited my blonde hair, my nose and my attitude – according to everyone else. It was true - Evelyn Willow O'Conner was the most beautiful girl on the whole planet.

'You hungry, baby?' I asked.

Evelyn replied in a loud babble of sounds.

I laughed and took it as a yes. Hitching her on my hip, I stalked out of the room and made my way downstairs.

'What would Evelyn like for breakfast?' I said, entering the kitchen.

I had ready many baby books throughout my pregnancy. I had learnt that talking to your child like an adult helped her to recognize certain words and the sound of your voice, to wait until your child responded in some way before making a decision – like breakfast for example, and to identify objects with her in a slow and clear voice so she would learn them. I wanted to be the best Mother I could possibly be.

I placed her in her high chair, fastening her in so she wouldn't fall out, and headed over to the fruit bowl that was set in the centre of the kitchen table. Evelyn's favourite food at the moment was banana pieces in milk. Angel wrinkled his nose every time he saw her eating it – he didn't like bananas, unlike Evelyn whose favourite fruit it was at the moment.

Evelyn clapped her hands together in enthusiasm, as she always did when she wanted me to know when she was happy.

I set to work on her breakfast, listening as she mumbled quietly behind me.

As I threw the banana peel in the bin and began cutting it up into pieces, I heard the distant sound of footsteps padding across the floor upstairs. I guessed that Angel was up. Seen as it was a weekend, he usually stayed in bed much longer than Evelyn or I. Most weekdays he had to be up rather early to get to work on time, even though his Father owned the company and I was pretty sure Mr O'Conner wouldn't mind if he was an hour or two late. Nevertheless, Angel was never one to slack off.

I dropped the cut up pieces of banana into a My Little Pony bowl and headed over to the fridge, noticing Evelyn's big brown eyes follow my every move. I knew she was aware that her breakfast was coming because of the concentration she was watching me with. I poured some milk into the bowl, allowing the banana pieces to float to the top, before grabbing a spoon and heading over to Evelyn's high chair.

'Now, who's hungry?' I smiled.

Evelyn let out a beautiful shriek of delight. It was a sound that I cherished.

I grabbed a chair that surrounded the breakfast island and spun it in one swift motion so it was facing Evelyn. I took a seat and scooped up one of the slices of banana, carefully directing the spoon towards her mouth. Just as her little lips enclosed the spoon, Angel sauntered into the kitchen.

'Morning, love,' he said, pressing a kiss to my cheek. He turned to Evelyn who was munching on the soggy piece of banana. 'Morning baby girl.'

After she swallowed the remainder of the banana, she leant forward with her arms outstretched. Before I could even blink, Angel had swept Evelyn up in his arms, littering her face with soft kisses. I heard the musical sound of her babyish giggles, instantly brightening up the room. I couldn't contain the heavy grin that plastered my face. Seeing Angel with our daughter, the love gleaming in his eyes and the beautiful giggles that erupted from Evelyn's mouth was enough to have my heart swell to twice its size. I had never been so happy and content in my whole life. I had the family that everyone dreamt of having. A husband who was for certain my soul mate, who loved me and protected me, a beautiful little girl who was a gift from God himself, and friends who stuck by me no matter what crazy situations life threw at me. I couldn't think of a better family than that.

'Are you able to take Eve for a while today?' I asked, looking up at Angel.

He carefully placed Evelyn back in her highchair, strapping her in, placing one last kiss on her forehead before turning back to me. Rising from my seat, I passed him the bowl of soggy bananas and milk, smirking as his nose scrunched up in disgust at the sight, and wandered over to the sink.

'Sure, where are you going?' Angel said, taking my previous seat.

With a flick of the tap, hot water began pouring into the sink.

'I promised to go with Giles, didn't I?'

The confused expression immediately turned into one of understanding and realisation. I held no secrets from Angel, he was aware of everything that went on in my life. After all, my life was his life – we were tied to each other in such a way that one would be unable to exist without the other.

'Are you sure he's ready, Buff?' Angel questioned, concerned.

I quickly turned the tap off and turned my back to Angel, grabbing the sponge. I picked up a plate and began scrubbing at it, letting my mind wander free.

It had been months since Giles had revealed his past secret to me. And, I had to admit, I had been extremely surprised. For the first time in a year, I felt the burning sensation of pain tear at my mended heart – yet this time, it wasn't because of my own pain. As I gazed deeply into Giles' brown orbs, I found the lost little boy staring back at me. It was undeniable that his past was haunting him in the way mine had. And, after he had expressed the most horrifying day of his life, it seemed that the weight of it hadn't escaped. I knew that the only way he could finally move on from his past was to break through his fears and go to the one place he had always avoided.

'It's the only way, Angel. I should know,' I said, placing the plate in the rack to dry.

I heard Angel sigh from behind me. 'I can't imagine what he's been going through. I don't know what I would do if it had been me … and to say that he's never spoken about it until now.'

Even though Willow, Mom and Xander had all known about it, they had each decided that it wasn't their story to tell. Xander, who was able to understand Giles' pain on so many levels, told me that it had been all over the news and that was how they had been aware of everything. Though, he admitted, that ever since that day … no one had dared spoke about it to Giles. Being the first person to actually hear the story escape from his lips, I felt honoured that he had that much faith and trust in me.

'I will give him back his life, even if it is the last thing I do,' I promised.

* * *

After cleaning up Evelyn, putting a fresh diaper on her and dressing her up in a beautiful pink and white striped dress with white tights, she was ready to spend the day with her Daddy. Placing her on my hip, I quickly packed her diaper bag with extra dummies, bottles, diapers and everything Angel possibly needed.

'Is Evelyn going to have a fun day with Daddy?' I cooed.

'And Aunty Cordelia,' added Angel as he leant against the doorframe.

Before I had been unaware of how Angel was going to spend the day with his daughter, however now I knew Cordelia would be involved in the day-out there would be definite shopping involved. Angel laughed at my expression.

'She has enough clothes, Angel, make sure that I don't have to buy her a _third _wardrobe,' I commanded.

At first, we only had one set of drawers for Evelyn's clothes. Obviously, over the course of the weeks, we would buy another set of drawers for new clothes, though, only a month after her birth, Cordelia had thrown those plans straight out of the window. With her constant need to shop and wad of cash in her back pocket from her decent job at the firm, Cordelia took it upon herself to get Evelyn about three new outfits every time she went out. We had no other choice but to buy a wardrobe to fit in the many clothes. Along with the clothes that Evelyn received off Willow, Grandma Joyce and Uncle Xander, we had then needed to purchase another wardrobe. Now, whenever Angel spoke to Cordelia or if Cordelia came round, I liked to make it clear that I didn't have any more room in our house for clothes.

'No clothes, I promise.'

I hadn't even noticed Angel stride across the room to stand besides me until his smooth lips pressed against forehead.

The sensational feeling of his lips disappeared quickly as the sound of the door opening issued from downstairs.

Evelyn leant forward, her arms outstretched towards Angel. Angel gracefully took her in his arms, blowing a raspberry on her cheek, whilst I made my way downstairs to greet Cordelia – who I guessed it was judging by the sound of high heels pacing against the hard laminate flooring.

'Buffy, is my brother and my beautiful niece ready?' asked Cordelia, flashing me an impatient look.

'Hello to you too, Cordelia, and yes … they should be coming down in a minute,' I replied.

Like I predicted, Angel waltzed down the stairs a few moments later with Evelyn strapped in her car seat, a pacifier now firmly in her mouth, with the diaper bag slung over his shoulder. He winked at me as he walked over to where Cordelia and I were stood in the hallway. Cordelia, being the loving Aunt she was, began to fuss over Evelyn – even complimenting her outfit! Which, trust me, was a first.

'Come on, Cordy, we better go now,' Angel said.

Cordelia straightened up, running her fingers through Evelyn's tuft of hair one more time, and turned to Angel.

'My car or yours?'

'Might as well take yours, Buffy can take mine,' answered Angel.

Cordelia nodded. She outstretched her arm and happily took the car seat from Angel, saying her goodbyes to me she exited the room. Angel turned to me and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin upon my head. It was times like these that I adored; when we would just stay mutely in each others embraces for as long as we could, letting the bond of our love fill the silence. He pressed a kiss to my head, then my forehead, pressing another at the tip of my nose, before resting his lips upon mine. Feeling slightly playful, I sunk my top teeth into Angel's bottom lip. He leapt back with a shriek, sounding quite like the type of annoying girls you saw in horror movies. I smirked at him, before walking over and pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

'Have a nice day,' I said.

With that, I all but nearly threw him out of the door. Watching through the window as they drove off in Cordelia's red Mercedes convertible, I hoped that Angel would remind his sister of the limited space we had for clothes at the moment.

I swivelled back around on the balls of my heels and let my eyes fall upon the clock resting on the mantelpiece.

'Shit,' I muttered.

It was eleven o'clock. I was supposed to pick up Giles at half eleven.

I looked down at my stripy, kind of childish, pyjamas and gulped. Instantly I ran towards the stairs, almost falling on my arse as my socks slipped slightly on the laminate floor.

I sped up the stairs, deciding to just throw on an outfit that would disgust a fashion-lover like Cordelia. As I entered mine and Angel's room, I heard my cell phone vibrate loudly on the bedside cabinet. I dived onto my bed, reaching out to grab my phone. I flicked it open and noticed the unread message from Cordelia flash across my screen. Hoping that there was nothing wrong with Evelyn, I opened the message.

I rolled my eyes.

'_Wear your white summer dress. C x'_

Trust Cordelia to know half of my outfits off by heart.

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**3,000 words! This is how long I am hoping to do every chapter. Anyway, this is just setting the scene kind of – showing you the happy lifestyle in which Buffy and Angel live with their daughter … before I go and ruin it for them haha. Give it three, maybe four or five, chapters until the action kicks in! Also, the name of Buffy and Angel's child is dedicated to Silverspoon - whose daughter is also called Evelyn! Anyway, I hope you like this and aren't disappointed! Lots of love, Beth x**


	2. Say Goodbye

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my new awesome Harry Potter poster. Everything Buffy is owned by Joss Whedon.

**Battlefield.**

**Chapter Two: Say Goodbye.**

**Dedicated to Mum: I love you. **

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_Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.__ – Helen Keller._

I had faith in Giles. He was, without a doubt, one of the bravest people in my life. Even though the recent years of his life had been darkened by the tremendous amount of suffering he been forced to live through, he still woke up every morning and got out of bed to embrace the world. No matter how welcoming death seemed, like I knew he had imagined on many occasions, he lived. He kept breathing, his heart kept beating. And nothing was more important than the fact that he was alive and fighting.

The car was filled with a tense, dry kind of atmosphere. Only the soft country music from the radio filled the silence that loomed within the car. Giles fidgeted nervously with his glasses, taking them off the brink of his nose, cleaning them with his handkerchief, before returning them back in their rightful place. Whilst I kept my hands firmly on the steering wheel, letting my eyes focus on the road that lay before me. I tried to keep my thoughts active as I was sure that Giles' nervousness would spread like a wild fire. And two of us being nervous wouldn't help anything.

Whilst trying to keep myself busy, I took a moment to admire the beautiful sunshine that was shining down. Almost like a switched had been flicked on, my mood instantly brightened. It was strange how the weather could hold such a control over your emotions: when it was rainy then you were sad, when the sun shined brightly in the sky then your mood would perk up. I guess it was just one of those random thoughts where you tried to identify one thing with another to make it fit your theory.

'Turn left here,' said Giles, pulling me head first out of my wild thoughts.

I quickly checked the road, making sure there were no cars, before turning into a small dead-end road. I drove slowly down the road, my eyes taking a small glance at the fenced piece of land besides the path, before finding a parking space right at the end of the road. I cut the engine, pulling my keys out of the ignition, and turned to Giles.

His eyes were firmly glued on the site before us. He gazed unseeingly, almost lifelessly. I noticed his fingers twitch, yet the rest of his pose remained frozen. Finally, just as I was beginning to think he had gone into shock, he blinked and let his eyes focus on me, a forced smile lightly tainting his withered face.

'Let's go,' he said in a quiet voice.

I nodded.

I threw open my door and climbed out of Angel's huge Jeep, cursing him mentally for buying such a huge car. I slammed the door shut and locked it, just as Giles sauntered to my side. The loud beeping sound, alerting me that the car was locked for definite, penetrated the eerie silence.

We walked down the road, which only had a few cars parked along it, in silence, keeping to our own thoughts.

I hoped that our little outing would let Giles overcome his suffering. No one, especially Giles, deserved to spend the rest of their life with the constant painful feeling in their hearts that wouldn't disappear. Even though my pain had only lasted a few months before Angel healed me, I still dreaded thinking that I would feel that horrible way for the rest of my life. As though I would never be able to see the world as brightly and lively as I once did. Like there was a constant pressure pressing down upon me, not letting me breathe properly.

I pushed open the gate that stood before us, wincing at the loud creaking as it swung open. I let Giles walk through first, just to be sure that he didn't run whilst my back was turned. I followed in behind Giles, letting the gate shut with a clank behind me, echoing in the distance.

Giles halted a few meters after he had shuffled through the gate. His eyes were fixated on the many gravestones that surrounded us in the Graveyard. The grass was bright green and, among many of the gravestones, there were lots of bright colours. As we walked along one of the many paths that wove itself around the graveyard, I began to notice the different types of flowers that lay before the gravestones. Underneath a few of them were pieces of paper, letters probably, and some gravestones were even decorated with teddy bears. With a sharp jolt in the pit of my stomach, I realised that the gravestones with teddy bears belonged to children. Walking along in silence, I caught one of the names on an ancient looking gravestone.

_Edward Alexander Turner._

_1987 – 1993._

_Beloved son, grandson and nephew._

_May your soul rest in peace little one._

_Amen. _

A huge lump rose in my throat.

I inhaled a deep breath of fresh air and tried to steady the increased beating of my heart. The little boy, Edward, had only been six years old when he had died. I felt pity for the young child who had never lived, who had never seen the world as much as he could of. With a backwards glance over my shoulder, I saw a fresh pile of flowers at his grave. I smiled. Obviously someone was still missing him, craving his presence, even after all these years.

We began to wander along the grass path now.

Neither of us spoke.

The silence was thick in the air.

Finally, we came to a stand. I saw Giles' eyes avert in the opposite direction, pretending to find something interesting in the tree a few meters away. His hands were clenched together tightly, his knuckles almost turning a deathly white colour. I noticed his top teeth bite down into his bottom lip with such force that I was sure he would pierce through the skin. I gently rested my hand on his arm. It was shaking mildly.

'Giles,' I whispered.

With that, he slowly relaxed. He released a gush of air that he had been holding. He looked over to me with pained, apologizing eyes. I nodded at him, letting him know that I understood, before letting my eyes fall on the gravestone that stood boldly before us.

_Jenny "Janna" Calendar._

_1968 – 2007_

_A beautiful wife, daughter and Mother._

_Let her finally rest in peace._

I realised with a guilty jolt that I hadn't brought a bouquet of flowers. However, there was already a fresh bouquet of red roses lay peacefully in front of the grave. Noticing my line of eyesight, Giles answered my unspoken question.

'Her daughter probably brought them,' said Giles in a strangled voice.

Jenny had divorced a few months previously before she met Giles. They had met at a bookstore a month after I had left Sunnydale. Giles had recounted to me how she had reached for a book a few shelves above Giles' head, where he had remained unnoticed, and had accidently dropped it on his head as her fingers had enclosed around it. She had instantly dropped to his side, apologising over and over again until Giles had insisted he was totally fine. To make it up to him, she offered to buy him a coffee in the local café a few streets away. Ever since that one coffee date, true love unravelled …

They saw each other more frequently, going out to get coffee and spending day outings together. Jenny told him about her failed marriage and the beautiful seventeen year old daughter she had gotten out of it. Giles, being the decent gentleman he was raised to be, was completely calm and collected about the whole daughter scenario. Jenny had been thrilled, explaining that most men seemed to run a mile when she mentioned she had a daughter.

A year and half later, Giles proposed.

Jenny immediately agreed without a second of hesitation. And the wedding was then planned for next summer.

Yet, when had Fate ever been kind? It had taken my child away from me, Anya away from Xander. If anything, we had found out the true meaning of 'life isn't fair.'

At least Fate gave them a slight sliver of happiness. They had their perfect wedding, which only consisted of a few friends and family members, yet it was magical in every single way. With the promise of 'I do' and the placing of rings, the two were bound together until death parted them. But they didn't know just how quick death would part them …

After enjoying a beautiful two week honeymoon in Cyprus, the newly weds arrived home. Their love was so thick in the air, so beautiful. They started to enjoy life as husband and wife instantly; Jenny moaning at Giles for leaving the toilet seat up, Giles moaning about Jenny's shoes scattered everywhere in the house … they were perfect together.

One day, on a Saturday morning as Giles recalled, they went to the local corner shop to buy a few pints of milk as they had ran out. It was such a typical, every day thing. Yet, on that day, it wasn't. They had barely been in the small shop for a few seconds when the door slammed open fiercely, smashing loudly against the wall. Four men, all dressed in black with most of their faces concealed, ran into the shop, guns held firmly in their hands. They ordered everyone in the store to get on their knees with their hands behind their heads. Obeying immediately, the store fell into a fearful silence. No one moved, no one breathed. Except one boy. A young boy, no older than seventeen, bounced on his heels as his eyes sprinted between the robbers, who were at the till, and the door. It was obvious by the tension and fear on his face that he would pull such a stupid thing like trying to escape.

Without thinking, he jumped up and stumbled over his shoe laces, falling into Jenny in front of him. Jenny jerked forward by the force of the boys' weight.

The one slight movement alerted one of the masked men.

In one swift moment, they pulled the trigger on their gun and a bullet soared across the room before plunging right into the side of Jenny's head. She was gone before Giles could even blink.

Grabbing the rest of the cash, and staring at the scene before them with fresh fear lurking in their eyes, the men ran out of the shop and disappeared down the street. One woman in the shop rang for 911, though everyone knew it was already too late for poor, beautiful Jenny.

Giles leaned over her body and mourned for his lost wife.

'I never even saw it coming,' whispered Giles.

I looked up at him. I noticed the wet diamonds sparkling in the corner of his eyes. Wet moisture instantly sprung to my own eyes.

'You couldn't have done anything to prevent it, it was too unpredictable,' I replied in a hushed tone.

My fists clenched tightly as I thought of the boy who had put his own needs before everyone else's. He hadn't been the only one who had fear coursing through his reins, who was regretting not saying something they should have or cursing themselves for being at the wrong place at the wrong time. He hadn't been the only one with family, friends, dreams, a future …

Even after his foolish mistake, he merely gazed at Jenny for a few moments before bolting straight out of the door, sprinting away in the opposite direction to the robbers. His fear had got the better of him.

'It was my job to protect her … as a husband,' said Giles.

He shook his head, disgust evident in his eyes. Tears were still pooled in the corners of his eyes.

'You did protect her, in ways you never even knew,' I answered.

Silence fell upon us, wrapping us in its wrath. We let ourselves wander into a different world. A world where I had my first baby, a world where Xander married Anya and lived happily with her, a world where Giles still had his wife, a world where we had control over.

'In my years … I've buried too many people,' sighed Giles, pinching the brink of his nose. 'But Jenny was the first I loved.'

I leant over and wrapped my arms around his waist, like in some ways I was holding him together before he had chance to break apart.

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear…

_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

Oh yeah  
It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time  
I want what's yours and I want what's mine  
I want you but I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

'You can say goodbye now, Giles,' I said into his shoulder.

'I can't, Buffy. It's too hard to explain, but I just can't say goodbye to her … not yet –'

'I didn't mean Jenny. I meant your past.'

* * *

I curled up on the sofa, a blanket draped over me, as I stared at the television screen, the pictures and sounds not registering to my brain. I was deep in thought, thinking over everything.

We had all lost something. One way or another, we had lost part of us.

Some of us said goodbye forever, others had retrieved what had slipped from their grasp. Either way, we had all grown from it. We were who we are today because of our past. And, from our past experiences, we were now much wiser than before. Yet, we were always going to be scarred by the battle wound we all possessed from the experiences.

I suddenly felt a smooth texture skim the skin of my throat.

I looked up to see Angel leaning over the back of the sofa, the amusement sparkling in his beautiful brown eyes.

'You okay, love?' he said, running his fingers through my hair.

'I'm fine, just thinking,' I replied softly.

Angel nodded knowingly. He knew my mind as well as his own. He was aware of exactly what I was thinking about.

'Has Giles processed everything yet?'

'Not yet, he will do though. He's meeting with Jenny's daughter. It will help him overcome everything,' I replied proudly, almost like a parent who had just watched their child win an award.

Angel stared at me with puzzled eyes. 'How?' he questioned.

'He will have some small part of Jenny still in his life. Trust me, Angel, it will make all the difference,' I said.

He pressed his lips to my hair.

'If you say so, love.'

'I do say so,' I smiled.

I switched off the television, threw my blanket aside, and rose to my feet, yawning loudly. Angel chuckled and held his hand out. I happily took it and walked upstairs, letting him carry most of my weight.

'Angel?' I mumbled sleepily.

'Yes?'

'I love you. Forever and ever and ever and ever.'

'And ever,' he added.

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**WOW! I literally nearly cried – 17 reviews for the first chapter alone. Wow, I feel so totally emotional. YOU GUYS ROCK! LIKE TOTALLY – YOU ALL MAKE MY DAY, WEEK, WHOLE BLOODY YEAR! I'm sorry this piece isn't up to scratch – my Mum is pretty ill and is currently in hospital and has been since Saturday … leaving my writing time pretty limited as I want to be with her as much as possible. But I hope, somewhere deep in your hearts, you can get over my awful writing and leave a review that will cheer me up! Once again, thanks a lot. Lots of love, your writer always, Beth x**


	3. Rest, Doughnuts and Laughter

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****Disclaimer: I only own my new Robert Pattinson poster that I bought this morning. Everything Buffy belongs to Joss Whedon. **

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**Battlefield.**

**Chapter Two: Rest, doughnuts and laughter. **

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_Sometimes the cure for restlessness is rest.__ – Colleen Wainwright. _

What the hell are those?' I accused.

I pointed firmly at the three shopping bags that were leant up against Evelyn's door innocently. Angel backed out of the room slowly; Evelyn was curled up in his masculine arms, whilst I threw a scornful look at him. He flashed me an apologetic smile, continuing to back further and further away from my stance in Evelyn's room. Evelyn watched us with her big, brown eyes closely.

'Now, love, don't get annoyed…' defended Angel.

I watched as my husband threw the shopping bags a panicked look, before looking back up to me with fresh fear in his eyes. I was now following him down the hallway, waiting until he was cornered to let my anger unravel. Knowing that it was still quite early in the morning, only around eight o'clock, I decided to remain in a quiet tone as I told off my husband, instead of raising my voice and waking up what would be less-pleased neighbours. I smirked happily as Angel realised he was trapped in a corner, unable to escape my wrath. He lifted up Evelyn, blocking his face, as though he was using her as a shield. Seeing Evelyn's still sleepy and confused face, I softened slightly as I guessed Angel hoped I would.

I reached out and took our daughter openly in my arms, cuddling her into my chest. It was the power of her beautiful eyes, so much like her Father's, that had me soften like butter in the sun. She rested her head against my chest and closed her eyes, placing her thumb in her little mouth. As expected, a few moments later her breathing had slowed to a soft pace.

Turning on my heel, I returned back down the hallway towards Evelyn's room. From behind me I heard Angel breathe a sigh of relief. He knew the storm was over. For now. Yet what type of women would I be if I let something pass so easily?

I lay Evelyn down in her cot, pulling the smooth pink blanket over her sleeping form, and took a step back, admiring my beautiful little girl. Angel's hand stroked my arm, before curling me into his side, pressing a kiss to my hair. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment. Our family all in the same room: the love almost tearing the place apart. There was a soft sigh from Evelyn as she wandered peacefully in a whole new world to her, enjoying the endless possibilities that dreams brought. It warmed me up inside seeing the smile that danced across her face like thousands of bright stars in the midnight sky.

'While she is asleep, I'm just going to see Will,' I said, looking up at Angel.

He nodded, pressing a light kiss to my lips.

I untangled myself from his masculine arms and headed towards the door. Before I stepped out into the hallway, I turned to Angel who seemed to have a faint smirk playing on his face.

'Oh and, by the way, I haven't forgotten about those shopping bags. You're not out of the woods yet.'

His face fell in an instant.

* * *

When I arrived at Willow's, I wasn't surprised to find that Oz's van was nowhere to be seen in the driveway. One of the reasons I had decided to make a visit to Willow's was because I knew that Oz was away for the whole month, much to Willow's disappointment, as he had many gigs in different states. His band was finally getting noticed and touring around in varied places seemed like the key idea to get picked up by a talent scout. Willow was happy for her husband, but she was still human and missed him uncontrollably. Also looking after a two year old on your own wasn't much fun either.

I parked in Oz's usual place and cut the engine, climbing out of the car. As soon as my car door slammed shut, I could hear Sky's musical voice welcoming me at the door.

I gazed up to see Willow stood at the door, doubled over slightly as she kept a restraining hand sat lightly on the top of Sky's messy red hair. Sky was vibrant as always, almost bouncing up and down as I made my way up the driveway. She held out her arms widely when I finally was in reaching distance. I swept her up in my arms and littered kisses all over her face, laughing along with her high pitch giggles that echoed down the crisp silent street. Willow smiled pleasantly at me as she stood aside, welcoming me into her home.

Following Willow into the kitchen, I listened in interest as Sky babbled to me in her eager voice. I barely understood anything she said, only being able to pick out a few certain key words that gave me a small idea of what she was talking about, though, even if she was only two years old, it was rude to show disinterest and I knew that Sky was interested in whatever she was talking about. After all, we all started out the same.

As I took a seat at Willow's circular kitchen table, I realised the time.

It was only half past eight.

'I'm sorry for coming so early,' I apologized.

Willow shook her hand in the air, waving off my apology. 'Little Miss Sky here had me up at half six anyway.'

I nodded, smiling. At least I wasn't the only one who had a little one waking them up at unbearable hours in the morning. However, my heart ached for Willow as I remembered that she had no helping hand, like I had Angel. But, at the same time, I knew Willow was strong woman.

'How is my little Evelyn?' questioned Willow, as she placed a cup of steaming coffee in front of me.

I placed Sky down on her feet and watched as she ran out of the kitchen happily. There was a small thud and Willow winced slightly. There were no pained cries coming from the other room though. Sky, like her Momma, was strong. Willow took a seat opposite me, her hands curling around her own mug, as she smiled at me tiredly. I could see the thick bags beneath her eyes, almost turning into a light purple-ish colour, her skin looking very dull. The bright vibrant colour of her hair made her skin look paler than its usual self.

'Evelyn's good, it's you I'm worried about,' I answered.

Willow's eyebrows shot up in curiosity. 'Why?'

'Will, you look half dead. Tell me, when is Oz getting home?'

Willow pondered on her answer as she took a sip of her drink. She licked her chapped lips, before replying.

'Two more weeks,' she said.

I shook my head. I couldn't let Willow keep this up for two more weeks. I knew parenting was hard, especially for those who had to go along the task by themselves, yet Willow was human and, whether she would admit it or not, she needed to spend sometime looking after herself. I didn't want Oz to come home feeling unbearably guilty because he thought he had been away too long.

'Evelyn goes to a children's day-care club on Monday's, Wednesday's, and Friday's … I'm sure Sky would enjoy it there. It's at a pre-school in town, ages five months to four years can go,' I smiled.

It had been Angel's idea to send Evelyn to the children's day-care club. I was unemployed, living off the huge wage that Angel brought home (not that he minded), though I still led a very busy life. At first I had refused to take Evelyn; she was my child and I was capable enough of looking after my own baby. Angel had told me how amazing a mother I was, but I needed to spend some time on myself – like Willow did now. Whenever I needed a break, or had something scheduled, I would take Evelyn to the child day-care for a few hours. That was the best thing about it – you could take them whenever you wanted, from between eight in the morning to seven at night, and whichever day you liked. Evelyn mainly went on Fridays, though if it was a slow day then I would keep her at home with me. Seeing Willow how she was now, I knew that maybe free time was what she needed.

'I'm not sure, I …'

'It doesn't mean you're incapable as a mother; it means you need free time. Whenever you feel like you need a rest, you can take Sky there. The kids enjoy it – Tara and the gang take real good care of them,' I interrupted.

Tara was a young woman, only in her twenties, who worked at the day-care centre. She was a sky girl, rather quiet, but she was brilliant with children. She showed such passion and love towards every single child that walked through the door – it was unbelievable to know that she had no children of her own. Evelyn was very fond of Tara – if she cried Tara would be the only one who could soothe her and if she was hungry, she would only allow Tara to feed her. I owed Tara a lot for how well she took care of my daughter.

Noticing that Willow seemed still hesitant, I carried on. 'I didn't like the thought either at first, Will, but it helps. You don't even have to take her every day; you could just take her for an hour on Monday sometime.'

Willow bit down on her bottom lip as she thought about my offer. I could almost hear her brain reasoning, thinking of the many possibilities. I waited politely.

Eventually, Willow looked up at me with her exhausted blue eyes and nodded once. I smiled. Reaching forward, I took her hand in my own and gave it a soft squeeze, reassuring her on her decision. A small smile crept on Willow's face, illuminating a hint of colour on her dull tired face.

The sudden sound of the front door opening and closing echoed down the hall. Sky screeched. Then there was the soft sound of the patter of her feet as she headed towards the door.

'Xanda!' Sky cried.

A few moments later, Xander appeared in the kitchen, carrying Sky in one arm and a white paper bag in another. He flashed us his goofy grin, the grin we held close to our hearts, and took a seat at the table with us, placing the paper bag on the table and sitting Sky on his knee.

'Good morning ladies,' he greeted.

'Morning Xand. Not to sound rude, but how are you even up this early?' I laughed.

Xander chuckled. He opened up the bag and pulled out a box of doughnuts. Sky instantly lunged for them but Xander restrained her with his arm.

'Now, now, speedy,' he laughed.

Xander had really improved since I had returned. Even though I knew he was in a constant state of grief, he preferred not to show it. Some days it was evident that he was merely putting on a strong façade, other days he would be so happy that I would wonder if he was under the influence of something. But Xander knew that even though his heart still yearned for Anya, he had to continue to live his life like she would have wanted. He was now back on track, working as the manager of a building firm in town, and spending most of his time with his friends. Anya would have been so proud of him …

'I brought some doughnuts – I knew Will and little one here would be up, and Buffy was just a bonus,' smiled Xander, flipping open the lid.

Willow took out a doughnut and broke it up into pieces, passing one of them to Sky.

'What do you say?' said Willow.

'Thank you Momma,' replied Sky.

Xander and I smiled as we took ours.

'Thank you Momma,' we both said in unison.

The three of us burst into laughter – Willow almost choking on a piece of her doughnut – whilst Sky stared at us with her big blue eyes. I had missed the three of us being together, becoming a whole, but times like these were truly special to me. The sound of our laughter mingling, the moisture pooling in the corner of our eyes, the massive smiles that were plastered across our faces.

'My tummy hurts,' choked out Willow between her laughs.

Finally, when we were all literally unable to breathe because we were laughing so hard, we calmed down. In between taking a few deep breaths, small giggles escaped our lips like kindergarten children. During our hysterics, we hadn't noticed Sky escape from the kitchen.

'Hey, where are all the doughnuts?' Xander questioned.

All of our eyes diverted to the table, where only the white paper bag and an empty box sat. We looked up towards the kitchen door.

'She didn't,' said Xander in mock horror.

We rose out of our seats and headed to the sitting room, being careful to keep the sound of our footsteps to a minimum so Sky wouldn't hear us approaching.

One by one, we poked our heads around the door.

Sky sat in the centre of the room, her eyes fixated on the television before her, with doughnut crumbs surrounding her. Xander gave a small, yet audible, cough. Sky turned to face us in one swift movement.

And the laughter started all over again.

Her face was smeared with pink and brown frosting, some sprinkles scattered in her red hair. Her face looked sheepish – a sort of grin that Xander would wear – and she joined in our laughter this time.

'Sky Buffy Osbourne, did you eat all of Uncle Xander's doughnuts?' Willow said, trying to lace her voice with authority instead of amusement.

'No,' giggled Sky quietly.

'Who did then?' asked Willow.

Sky pointed her little finger at me.

'Ok! Ok! It was me! I ate all the doughnuts!' I cried.

Xander and Willow snorted at my terrible acting. Sky stood up shakily, pausing for a second to secure her balance, before running over to me, wrapping her arms around my legs, and hiding her face against them.

'Who ate the doughnuts, Sky?' Willow asked again.

'Me,' Sky mumbled against my legs.

I picked her up and cradled her in my arms, rocking her from side to side very enthusiastically. Her laughter echoed around the room as she begged me to rock her faster. Willow and Xander took seats on the sofa, watching us in amusement.

I suddenly felt my phone vibrating in my pocket.

I handed Sky over to Willow, who placed her on her feet in front of her, and pulled out my phone. I looked at the caller I.D.

'It's Angel,' I announced.

I leant against the wall and flicked open my phone.

'Hey,' I greeted.

'_Buffy, you need to come home.'_

'What? Why? Is Evelyn okay?' I questioned instantly, my voice laced with panic and concern.

'_Evelyn's fine, she's still sleeping.'_

'Then why do I need to come home?'

I was confused.

'_You have a visitor.' _

* * *

**Thank you so so so so sooooooooooooooooooooo much for all the reviews! You are honestly all too kind to me! And thank you for all the get well soon wishes to my Mum – it means a lot. She is fast on recovery! I hope you enjoyed this chapter – slightly carefree and full of laughter – but it sort of kicks of everything. I have just watched J.k Rowling – A Year in the Life … and it very much inspired me to write this. Anyway, hope you liked it! Lots of love, your writer always, Beth x**


	4. The Visitor

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**Disclaimer: I only own my imagination. Everything Buffy belongs to Joss Whedon.**

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**Battlefield.**

**Chapter Four: The Visitor. **

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_When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary? – Sex and the City. _

I was out of Willow's front door and in my car before Xander or Willow could even register the fact that I had finished my conversation on the phone. As I reversed from her driveway, I noticed both of them stood at the door, Sky's small head poking in between their legs, watching me with confused expressions. I hoped that they had noticed the apology written over my face.

I sped down the street, curiosity getting the better of me. Why had Angel been so cryptic? If it had been someone like Cordelia or Giles, someone who we _both _knew, then surely he would have just told me that they were waiting for me, actually mentioning their name during the conversation. Why had he merely said '_you have a visitor' _giving me no information as to who my visitor actually was? Along with curiosity, I was also frustrated slightly at Angel's lack of detail. I couldn't detect anything from his voice that gave me at least a small clue to who my visitor was. All the fears of seeing Spike stood at my door when I returned instantly sub-sided. If Spike had turned up, would Angel have dealt with it himself? Would he have sounded so clueless? No. Angel was aware of my past with Spike, he knew the devastating events I had suffered from under Spike's hand, and I didn't believe for one second that Angel would gladly welcome him into our home, especially with Evelyn there. In fact, if Spike did turn up, I wouldn't be surprised if Spike was battered and bruised being carried out on a stretcher by the time I arrived.

I spun onto the familiar street, speeding down the street and ignoring the horrified looks my neighbours stared at me with, like I had committed a bloody murder before their very own eyes. So I was going a little too fast? So what? I could understand if I had Evelyn in the car with me, but it was just me on my lonesome.

Parking up behind a black Mercedes, I almost threw myself out of the car.

As I jogged to the door, I couldn't help but throw a backwards glance to the shiny car that was parked outside my house. However, it didn't provide any clues as to who my visitor was. I sighed with frustration and threw open the door, almost leaping inside.

Stood in the centre of the sitting room, happily bouncing Evelyn on their hip was someone who had been a huge part of my past. A part of my past that I was unafraid to remember.

'Faith,' I greeted.

The hardcore brunette, who I had not seen for almost two years, looked up from my beautiful daughter and flashed me her cocky smirk.

'B, have you seen how much this kid looks like you?' she questioned.

I laughed. 'Well, she is _my _daughter, Faith.'

Faith Lehane had brought a sliver of light throughout the dark period of my life. The confident, strong, mouthy brunette had been my next door neighbour in Michigan during the five year period when I had lived there. Excepting me quickly, Faith and I shared a strong friendship; a friendship that would never compare to the friendship I held with Willow and Xander, yet came pretty damn close. When I could get away from Spike, Faith and I would go out to random clubs, letting ourselves blow off some steam. Faith reminded me that we were still young, still had time to grow up, and that everything didn't have to be as strict and polished like some people our age preferred to live. Then, when everything started going down the drain for me and Spike, it took all the pleading I had to convince Faith she couldn't go round to kick his ass. She was just that type of girl, the one that never let anyone mess with her friends. Faith was the only person, before I had came back to Sunnydale, who knew about Spike raping me. After I had begged her not to go to the police, she acted as a big sister to me and protected me much more than Spike had ever dared to achieve. She was slightly hesitant when I told her I was expecting, possibly having the same thoughts as me on how horrifyingly the baby had been conceived; however after seeing me accept my unborn child and begin to love it unconditionally, she too became thrilled and immediately labelled herself as the rightful name of Godmother. The last time I saw her was in the hospital, a day before I returned to Sunnydale. It was Faith who told me of Spike's disappearance, how she saw him running out of the house and down the street after he had punched me. It was Faith who, being the protective friend she was, told me get out of Michigan, get away from the disaster that I once called my life, and go back to my home – my _true _home. Even though the thought of parting from her after she had been a huge part of my life pained me, I knew that Faith was right.

'How are you?' I said, flopping down on the sofa.

Angel stood slightly to the side, as though he felt he was butting into something very private and personal if he took a stance any closer to us. He seemed at ease around Faith, obviously noticing the happiness that seeing my old friend brought me. Faith took a seat besides me, passing Evelyn to me, and rested her hands behind her head, leaning back.

'Five by five, B. You know, same old,' she chuckled.

'The car?' I questioned, nodding my head towards the window.

A huge grin unfolded over Faith's face. 'Just a little something I stole.'

I stared at her with wide eyes, watching as she turned her head slightly to take notice of my reaction.

'I'm messin' with you. I would have gotten something flashier if it was up to me.' She mumbled the last part under her breath.

I let out a soft laugh. Here Faith and I sat like no time had passed. The only difference was my daughter curled up in my lap and the man hovering besides us. Yet, it was easy to get back into the flow of mine and Faith's friendship – it came as natural as breathing.

'It's just a little something that Daddy brought me,' Faith said.

It was unreal how much that sentence sounded like something that would come from Cordelia's mouth. However, by Faith's term "Daddy" I knew she was talking about her adoptive Father Richard Wilkins the third. At the age of ten, both of Faith's parents had abandoned her without even a slight care as to what would become of their daughter. When I had timidly asked whether Faith had ever thought of searching them out, she snorted and took a large gulp from the bottle of vodka she was holding. As expected, Faith was sent into foster care after her parents had deserted her. Five months after she arrived at "hell on Earth" as Faith described it; Richard came along and almost instantly found a special place for Faith in his heart. Richard had lost his wife and child in a car crash a few years previously and, after spending three years alone, he decided that he needed to fill up his life once more. Faith could never replace his biological child, and both of them knew that, but Faith could never be replaced in his heart either.

Suddenly Faith sighed. All the hints of humour vanished from her face. I knew instantly that something incredibly important was about to be shared – it was the only time when Faith was ever serious.

I tightened my grip around Evelyn, who was sat playing with a cross necklace. Glancing up quickly at Angel, who had obviously detected the change in mood as well, I looked back at Faith's face with fearful eyes.

'This isn't a simple passing by, is it?' I asked.

Faith sighed once again. This time she looked at me with saddened eyes.

'Is it ever simple for us, B?' she whispered.

And, by those seven little words, I was suddenly overwhelmed with fear. Her words had confirmed that this wasn't just two friends catching up after being parted for so long. Like Faith said, nothing was ever simple for us two. Fate was cruel, twisted even.

I was now aware of Angel's eyes fixated upon me, watching my every movement and facial expression with detail. I could feel the concern, curiosity and fear mingling thickly in the air. I looked down at Evelyn and noticed her thumb in her mouth, her eyes wavering between open and closed. She was exhausted.

'Angel, will you please take Evelyn to bed?' I said.

Angel nodded, his eyes boring into mine, and crossed the room in three swift strides, sweeping up our daughter from my arms. I watched as he climbed the stairs, pressing a kiss to Evelyn's slightly ruffled hair where her head lolled on his shoulder peacefully.

'Beautiful kid,' mumbled Faith, her eyes also staring in the direction of the stairs.

My head gave a sharp nod of agreement.

Faith met my eyes. We both stared at each other, frozen on the sofa. I tried to read the story behind her eyes, to discover any hint of emotion that would give me some sort of clue as to what she was about to unravel, yet her eyes were a dead-end, emotionless. We continued to stare at each other, neither of us bowing down. Angel floated back down the stairs and took a seat beside me, clutching my small hand in his. The heat radiating from his smooth hand had me pulling away from Faith, this time to admire another set of brown eyes. Whatever I saw in the depth of my soul mates eyes, I felt reassurance. I gave his hand a small squeeze.

'Let's hear it, Faith,' I said, a lot more confidently than what I felt.

Faith bit down on her lip. Never once had I seen her nervous like this.

'He came back,' she replied.

My heart stopped. I knew who, in fact I was one hundred percent positive I knew who she was talking about, though the question still tumbled from my lips before I could contain it.

'Who?'

'Spike.'

I heard a low, but audible, growl escape Angel's lips as Spike's name was mentioned. I clutched his hand tightly like it was the only thing keeping me connected to Earth … the only thing keeping me connected to consciousness. Faith took in a sharp breath.

'He was snooping around the house the other day,' Faith said, her eyes distancing as she remembered. 'He gave up an hour later and left. He went to Drusilla's, Buffy.'

Drusilla.

Drusilla was another one of our neighbours back in Michigan. Except - unlike Faith- we shared a bond of hatred instead of friendship. Drusilla had been a pain in my arse since the day we moved to Michigan. Her attraction to Spike was always obvious and it made me rather jealous, even though the mere thought of getting jealous over a girl flirting with Spike made me want to vomit now. I remember how her deep brown eyes would follow me, staring at me widely. Obviously Spike enjoyed the attention. Faith had assured me that Drusilla had been alone since she had moved onto the street and she wouldn't be surprised if Drusilla was going slightly barmy from spending all those years alone. Nonetheless, Drusilla and I hated each other before we even shared a single word. And her friendship with Spike didn't help anything either. It seemed that, from the moment Drusilla and Spike had lay eyes on one another, there was already something there, some strange kind of connection that I didn't know about.

'So?' I croaked.

I was trying my hardest to not jump ahead and connect the dots before I knew all the facts. Jumping to conclusions wouldn't help me.

'I think he's coming back to Sunnydale, B,' Faith frowned.

Angel spoke up for the first time since I had been in Faith's presence.

'Why do you think that?' he asked simply.

'Drusilla has a cousin. A cousin who lives down here and went to your High School.'

Drusilla had a cousin who lived in Sunnydale? This was new information to me. During my five years up there, I had never once heard Drusilla or Spike mention anything about a cousin.

'Who?' questioned me and Angel in unison.

'A chick called Darla,' answered Faith, her eyes darting between mine and Angel's face to see if we reacted to the name.

Both of us knew Darla. However, she wasn't someone who I had been friends with. Angel, on the other hand, had dated her for almost a year. He had met Darla through Cordelia – both of them had been on the cheer leading squad. Angel had broken up with her, after he realised he had feelings for me, and, well, Darla never actually got over it from then on. It was obvious, to everyone but me at the time, that Angel had feelings for me, so it made sense that Darla hated my guts.

Whilst I had been remembering my memories of High School, Angel had pulled out his phone. Quickly punching in a number, he held the phone to his ear and tapped his foot impatiently.

'Cordelia! Hey, I was just wondering – what? No, Cordelia, this isn't the time to discuss your new leather handbag! Yes, I'm sure. Listen, do you remember Darla from High school?' Angel paused as he listened to Cordelia. 'Yes, the one on the cheer leading squad. Thanks for reminding me about that.'

Angel nose wrinkled in disgust.

'Anyway, do you know if she had a cousin called Drusilla?'

Silence.

'You sure? … Well, true. Thanks. Speak to you later!'

He snapped his phone shut and shoved it into his pocket. Faith and I watched him with curious eyes.

'What did Cordelia say?' I asked, my voice no more than a whisper.

His fingers intertwined with mine again, giving them a light squeeze.

I hoped, deep in the pit of my stomach, that somehow Cordelia said she didn't have a cousin called Drusilla … that it was maybe someone else called Darla who she was related to, someone who couldn't be connected to me or Angel. Because, even though I was trying my hardest not to, everything was becoming clear. And Faith's earlier accusation – "_I think he's coming back to Sunnydale" – _was becoming more and more logical.

'She said she's positive that she does have a cousin called Drusilla. Cordelia remembered the name because it was so unusual,' sighed Angel.

I felt numb.

'But I don't understand. How is Darla involved?' said Angel.

I looked up at Faith, releasing a shaky breath.

'Drusilla is very close with her cousin. Obviously Darla still lives in Sunnydale. If Spike went to Drusilla, she would be able to contact Darla and get all the info she needs on B,' explained Faith.

It all made sense. Spike, who probably knew all along that Darla and Drusilla were related (especially as it could explain the quick friendship him and Drusilla formed), could have easily gone around to Drusilla's to find out if I was back in Sunnydale. Darla probably shared everything with Drusilla.

'And whores like Darla _always _keep up to date on their ex-boyfriends lives,' added Faith.

'You think Darla told Drusilla that me and Buffy were together, so Drusilla told Spike when he went to her house and now he's probably going to come back to reek havoc around here?'

A shiver escaped my body at the thought of Spike returning to Sunnydale. Angel rubbed his hand softly up and down my arm, trying his hardest to comfort me.

'Wouldn't surprise me,' replied Faith.

Silence, along with tension, mingled in the air.

I happily broke it.

'I haven't even seen Darla though. How would she know Angel and I were together?' I questioned.

It was Angel who answered my question.

'Like Faith said, she probably keeps up to date with her exes. And, you didn't see her but she could have seen you. Think about it, Buffy, six months ago you were ready to pop – you were huge. I don't think anyone could have missed your pregnant belly.'

He was right.

Another fearful thought was suddenly fresh in my mind. Evelyn.

'That means he could know about Evelyn!' I gasped.

Angel gave my hand a strong squeeze. 'He won't get no where near Evelyn or you, I promise.'

I trusted Angel with my life. I trusted him with my whole existence. And I could hear the promise in his determined words, though it just wasn't enough. My heart still hammered furiously in my chest; it took all I had to continue breathing normally. I hated myself for bringing my dark past here. I was luring danger into my own home, where my precious family was. I could never forgive myself for putting Evelyn and Angel in this position. Just when I thought I could finally live the rest of my life without the dark cloud hanging above my head, it came back thicker and darker than ever. I didn't want to be protected, I wanted to protect. I wanted to guard Evelyn, Angel, Faith, Willow, Sky, Xander, Giles, My Mom … I wanted to protect them. But I couldn't.

'Hey, B, cool down, won't ya? He might lurk, just lurk like a creepy guy like him would.' Faith tried her hardest to calm me.

It didn't work.

As a child, I was so strong and very independent. I was my Mom's little solider – I was constantly falling over and getting injuries, but I carried on like the stubborn and daring girl I was. Then I went to High school and I met Spike and, like most average girls, I became totally dependant on him. When he wasn't there, I felt like I needed him to carry on … like I was too weak otherwise. When I came back to Sunnydale, he had turned me into this guilty, emotional, weak girl. However, I didn't count on Angel being there to put Humpty Dumpty together again. I had been whole, complete, for the last two years having Angel by my side and then a year later with our beautiful daughter. Now, knowing that it was possible Spike would be returning, I felt like that vulnerable, weak little girl again. And I _hated _being that girl. I didn't want to be weak.

'Faith, you're welcome to have the guest room,' offered Angel, smiling warmly at her.

It was night already?

I peered over towards the window. The moon had replaced the sun; the stars twinkled like thousands of tiny diamonds embedded in the sky.

'It's cool, I can kip out in the car,' shrugged Faith.

I rolled my eyes. How typical of Faith.

'Get up to the guest room before I drag you up there,' I mockingly threatened.

'Was that a threat, B? You know I could kick your arse right here and now,' laughed Faith, giving me a soft dig in the shoulder.

Angel took Faith upstairs to show her where the guest room was and to give her a set of my spare pyjamas.

As soon as I was alone, the fear and paranoia crept back up on me.

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**Thank you all so so so much for the reviews! It means totally so much – and I'm quite freakin' chuft that I have 40 reviews for 3 chapters. Having 50 by chapter 4 would be amazing. If I confused anyone with all the mumbo jumbo in here, let me know & I will personally e-mail you to try and clear it up. I hope you like this chapter! Please let me know what you think! Lots of love, your writer always, Beth x**


	5. Two Weeks of Worrying

**Disclaimer: I only own my imagination. Everything Buffy belongs to Joss Whedon.**

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**Battlefield.**

**Chapter Four: Two Weeks Of Worrying. **

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_What's coming will come and we'll just have to meet it when it does.__ – J.K Rowling.  
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It had been two weeks.

Two weeks of worrying that had been pointless.

Since Faith had arrived, declaring that Spike knew I had returned to Sunnydale, I had instantly imagined the worst. For the first week, I had barely left Evelyn's side, even dragging her cot into mine and Angel's room so I was able to keep an eye on her during the night, and refused to be parted from my daughter when my Mom had offered to take her out. Angel, who understood my angst on many levels, was the one who grounded me from my overprotective stance. I eventually let Evelyn out of my grasp, very reluctantly might I add. Even though I knew she was safe with my Mother, I couldn't contain the constant fear that bubbled angrily in the pit of my stomach.

Faith continued to stay in the guest room. The day after she arrived, she returned to Michigan to retrieve some of her clothes and personal belongings, though she was back in Sunnydale a few hours after midnight fell. She promised me that as long as I feared Spike would return, she would be here. And, even after the whole ordeal ceased, she would try her hardest to maintain a permanent residence down here in Sunnydale. I truly hoped that Faith was able to find somewhere she called home here – I was enjoying her presence too much to let her go so soon. Yet, as I jokingly told Angel, she was more than welcome to spend the rest of her life living in our guest room.

Along with hyping over my daughter and making sure my friend was feeling comfortable during her stay; I was also being rather motherly over my friends. Oz had now returned to his Mrs and child, which had me totally relaxing slightly on Willow, who had taken my advice and took Sky to the child day-care club that I had suggested. After visiting her the day after Oz returned, the changes were evident the first time I scanned her face. The huge bags were gone, her skin seemed healthy again, her hair was vibrant, and her eyes were lively. I understood how hard it must have been to be parted from your other half – it still pained me every morning when Angel left for work. Nonetheless, I still updated on the whole Spike ordeal and begged them to keep an eye out. Willow, after panicking slightly and needing Oz to calm her down, agreed and offered her support if I needed any. It showed what a true friend Willow was – even in the times when it was _her _safety I was worried about; she still placed my safety above her own.

Xander, however, had been a different matter all together.

My other best friend had merely rolled his eyes at how fussy I was being over him…

'Seriously, Buff, I'm a big boy now – I can look after myself,' His exact words had been.

'Xand, I'm aware that you're a big boy, but this could be dangerous,' I pleaded.

'I laugh in the face of danger,' exclaimed Xander proudly. However, upon noticing my cocked eyebrow, he added 'and then I hide until it goes away.'

Eventually, he had taken my concern about his safety as a compliment and promised to keep safe.

Giles tried his hardest to understand the overwhelming emotion that I felt of having Spike possibly returning, even though I doubted he would be unable to empathize the exact worried and fearful feeling in the pit of my stomach, but promised me that he would take extra care. In fact, he had even asked me to come meet Jenny's daughter and her boyfriend for lunch with him. His offer sidetracked me for a while.

Cordelia had been less co-operative; not fully understanding why I was acting like a mass murderer had broken loose. I sighed, knowing she was a lost cause, and told her to just take care of herself. "Duh, I do that on a daily basis" she had scoffed at me, rolling her eyes like I had said the most idiot thing ever. I had to remind her that when I asked her to take care of herself I didn't mean go to the spa and get a pedicure.

And, finally, the person whose safety mattered to me as much as Angel's and Evelyn's … my Mother. Mom was unexpectedly angry when I had told her. I had expected her to be slightly scared or worried, like myself, though her fists curled up into tight balls and she threatened that if Spike even came near me or my family then she would deal with him personally. Obviously, hearing those words escape my Mom's lips, I had her promise me that she would phone me every single day and not go looking for Spike. After all, I knew that if Evelyn suffered the same events as me at the hand of a boyfriend, I would chase that man down and beat him to death with my own bare hands.

So, after all my attempts to keep my family safe, I found that they had been for nothing. If we hadn't heard of Spike in the last two weeks, I was doubtful we would hear from him at all.

And, with that, life continued as normal …

* * *

'Please, Evelyn, stop crying for Mommy,' I pleaded with my six month old daughter.

Like the first night Angel and I brought home our daughter, who had been newborn at the time, Evelyn screeched loudly as I rocked her back and forth. Obviously she still cried sometimes at night, though never this loud or hysterical. I stood in the centre of mine and Angel's room, trying my complete hardest to soothe Evelyn, whilst Angel was sprawled out across our bed, a pillow placed firmly over his head. The digital clock that was situated on the bedside cabinet read two o'clock in the morning.

'Evelyn, you're going to wake up everyone,' I said.

'Who said we weren't already awake,' I heard Angel mutter from our bed.

If my hands hadn't been full, then I would have thrown something at him.

'No, Buffy, let me take our daughter so you can get some sleep. I did after all help to create her! You go back to bed my love,' I muttered, throwing Angel's bare back a glare. 'Why thank you Angel, how considerate of you.'

I let my gaze fall back on Evelyn, whose eyes were puffy and red, her face twisted as she continued to cry. Knowing that she wasn't in need of a diaper change nor did she need feeding, I decided to take her downstairs, hopefully muffling her cries so Angel and Faith were able to go back to sleep, and wait until her crying ceased.

'I'm taking her downstairs, Angel, go back to sleep,' I said.

As I headed towards the door, shifting Evelyn so she was positioned on my hip, I heard Angel murmur from his warm comfy place in bed.

'Are you sure? I can go down with her,' he yawned.

By now I was already wide awake, where as Angel was still wavering between being consciousness and sleep. Finding that my irritation with him had evaporated with his efforts to be helpful and take care of our daughter, I merely told him to go back to sleep. However, before the words had even fallen from my lips, his light snore mingled with Evelyn's cries.

I continued to rock Evelyn as we descended down the stairs. However, no matter how hard I tried to soothe her, she continued to cry furiously. I threw myself down on the sofa and pulled her into my lap. Littering her face with butterfly kisses, I heard her cries subside slightly as tiny giggles escaped her mouth. Pleased that I seemed to be making her tears go away, I continued to press kisses to her smooth skin until only her babyish giggles penetrated the deep morning silence.

'Yay, you stopped crying,' I laughed quietly when my lips pulled away from her cheek. 'I was beginning to wonder if I should wake up Daddy and see if he could work his charm on you instead.'

I curled Evelyn back up in my arms, pressed one last kiss to her slightly ruffled blonde hair, and headed back upstairs. Returning Evelyn back to her cot in her own room, which I had dragged back after the short amount of time it had been positioned in my room – after Angel reminded me that we were in the all clear zone again, I headed back to my room, enjoying the light sound of my feet pattering against the floor.

I slipped back into bed, welcoming the warmth the duvet brought, and let my head fall instantly on the soft pillow. Within seconds, Angel's arm wound around my waist and pulled me into his side. He opened one of his eyes and pressed a wet kiss on the tip of my nose.

'I love you,' he whispered.

'Always,' I promised.

The smile never left my face as I fell into a deep slumber.

* * *

The next morning I was surprisingly the first to wake up.

Propping myself on my elbow, I noticed it was only six in the morning. I let my head crash back down onto my pillow whilst I stared up at the soft blue painted ceiling. A soft snore broke the silence. I rolled onto my side and faced the beauty that was Angel. His mouth slightly agape, his left arm hung over his head whilst his right one lay across his stomach, with saliva pooling in the corner of his plump red lips. His nose twitched slightly as I ran my fingers along his arm.

I decided to give him a few more minutes in bed.

I slid out from under the duvet, grabbed my pink dressing gown that was thrown over one of the bedposts, and tip-toed out of the room, closing the door quietly behind me. Only the soft thud of my feet padding along the carpet could be heard throughout the whole house. It seemed that Faith, who normally slept in late anyway, was still asleep, and Evelyn was still recovering from her lack of sleep earlier this morning.

With a quick glance at the clock situated on the mantelpiece in the sitting room, I decided that starting breakfast now would be a good idea. I cooked varied foods in the morning as I had to feed four hungry mouths, including my own, that all preferred different breakfast foods. I usually had a few slices of toast, Angel enjoyed his many pancakes, Evelyn was fond of banana pieces floating in milk and Faith simply ate whatever she felt like.

When everyone's food was served, I counted down the seconds until Angel would smell the food and fall out of bed. In record time, he was sat at the table, fork and knife in his hands, digging into his breakfast within two and a half minutes. I gave a little cough. His eyes flashed up to mine. With the sound of cutlery clinking to the table, Angel jumped up and pressed a soft kiss to my lips.

'Morning love,' he whispered.

'Morning,' I smiled against his lips.

'Man, you have him whipped, B!' Faith said as she entered the kitchen.

I joined in with Faith's laughter, while Angel retreated to the table, sticking his tongue out at Faith on his way. Faith gave him a small wink as she joined him at the table, attacking her plate which held every possible breakfast food I had in the kitchen. We all tucked in, diving into a light conversation as we ate.

'What are your plans today, Faith?' asked Angel conversationally.

Faith shoved the rest of her piece of toast into her mouth and swallowed loudly. She sucked in a deep breath before replying to Angel.

'Well, Angel bear, I was planning on doing some cleaning.'

Angel smirked. 'So, basically … you're going to sit on your arse all day and do nothing?' he asked.

Faith returned his smirk. 'Basically … yeah.'

Before I could join in the conversation, the shrieking cries of Evelyn echoed from upstairs.

I pushed back my chair, rose to my feet and excused myself as I jogged out of the kitchen. I was in Evelyn's room in a heartbeat. I swept up my crying daughter and cradled her in my arms, rocking her softly. Tears continued to fall from her deep brown orbs. I pressed many little kisses over her face until her tears ceased; merely leaving glimmering tracks down her smooth porcelain skin. She wrapped her fingers around a lock of my hair, resting her head against my chest.

'Does baby want some breakfast?' I asked.

Evelyn gave a small grunt. I took that as a yes.

I returned to the kitchen carrying the most important thing in the world in my arms.

* * *

I rushed around the house, grabbing everything from car keys to chewing gum, as I glanced repeatedly at the clock. Angel had already left for work. Evelyn had left too with her Daddy as Aunty Cordelia was taking a half day off so she could spend some time with her niece. And Faith had returned to her bed, where she was now probably snoring loudly. I, however, was attempting to give the house one final cleaning before I left to meet Giles.

Giles had contacted Jenny's daughter the day after we had returned from our visit to the graveyard. Fred, who Giles told me was actually called Winifred though preferred being called by her shortened name, had invited Giles to have lunch with her and her boyfriend. Needing me for support, he had invited me to join them – of course, asking Fred first if it would be alright.

Glancing one last time at the clock, I shouted my goodbye to Faith and walked out of the front door. I headed over to my car and jumped inside.

The _Golden Coral _was a small café a few blocks away from where we lived. The drive to the café wasn't long; in fact I could have walked there if I pleased. I arrived there a few minutes later. Giles was stood at the door in deep conversation with a man and women before him. I parked the car and jumped out. Three pairs of eyes fell on me as I made my way over. I was soon greeted by three warm smiles.

'Buffy, I'm glad you made it,' greeted Giles.

I gave him a small smile in return.

'Buffy, this is Fred,' said Giles, motioning to the women stood opposite us.

The women, who looked no older than twenty, shook my hand politely, giving me a shy smile. She had long, brown hair that spiralled down her back with matching brown eyes that bored into my own.

'And this is her fiancé, Wesley.'

Fred dropped my hand. Her hand was soon replaced with Wesley's. He too had the same soft brown hair like Fred; though he had piercing blue eyes instead of her deep brown ones. He towered over Fred and me.

'It's nice to meet you, Buffy,' Wesley smiled.

I noticed a faint British accent.

'You too,' I replied, returning his warm smile.

His hand fell from mine. Instantly, almost like a magnet, his fingers intertwined with Fred's. I could tell by the love evident in their eyes, and the way their bodies naturally shifted to fit each others perfectly, that someday in the future they would be as happy as me and Angel with their own family.

'Shall we, erm, go inside?' asked Giles.

We all walked into the café, immediately heading over to a table further towards the back, keeping out of the way of elderly couples and small groups of teenage girls. Giles and I sat on one side, Fred and Wesley took seats opposite us. We all pulled a menu towards us, keeping a light chatter in the air to prevent any awkward silences. After we had ordered, Fred turned to Giles.

'I'm so sorry, Giles, for not contacting you for so long,' apologized Fred, taking his wrinkled hand in her own.

'No, Fred, please don't apologise, it was me who failed to keep in contact. I've been grieving so hard for all these years and-'

Feeling like we were intruding on a very private and personal moment, Wesley and I turned our heads in the opposite direction, finding the swirls and spirals on the wallpaper very interesting all of a sudden. Wesley caught my eye and gave me a soft smile.

'Did you used to live in England?' I asked lamely, not realising what I asking until the question had already slipped from my lips.

Wesley chuckled.

'You noticed the slight hint of my British accent?' he asked kindly.

I nodded.

'I lived in England when I was a boy,' Wesley said, his eyes swimming with the memories as he spoke. 'Then I moved here just before I turned fourteen. My Father had been relocated to a firm in Los Angeles.'

I nodded my head in interest. 'Do you miss England?' I questioned.

Wesley's bottom lip pouted out slightly as he pondered his answer. I waited patiently. Giles and Fred were still deeply in a conversation of their own, unaware of mine and Wesley's.

'Sometimes. I've been here in America now for almost eight years, I happily call it home. And I visit England on holidays with Fred, so I can't complain,' answered Wesley, smiling.

Before I could reply, I heard my phone vibrating in my handbag. I excused myself and bent down, picking up my newly bought handbag from the overly polished floor. Pulling out my phone, I realised that the caller I.D was home, which meant that it was probably Faith calling. I flipped open the phone.

'Hey Faith. Is everything-'

'B, you need to come home,' interrupted Faith.

'What? Why?' I questioned in a shrill voice.

'Now,' commanded Faith.

Judging by the seriousness of her tone, and the way it sounded like a parent ordering their child to do something, I knew that refusing her command was out of the question. But, as I closed my phone and apologized to the others, a panic caught in my chest. She sounded pretty urgent to have me back … and slightly pissed off. But, something else dripped in her tone, something that Faith rarely ever felt: worry. In the pit of my stomach, I knew something had happened. Maybe it wasn't something as huge as the images being painted in my head, though it was still something.

It had been two weeks.

Two weeks of worrying that hadn't been pointless after all.

* * *

**Sorry it's taken so long! My Mum is still in hospital and is back in terrible pain. It sucks. And I went visiting my family this weekend, meaning less time to write. I'm disappointed with this chapter – I wrote it and then half of it got deleted so I had to re-write it and I much preferred the first draft. Argh well! Thanks so much for all the reviews! It really means a lot to me! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Lots of love, your writer always, Beth x**


	6. Words and Sketches

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* * *

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Disclaimer: I own nothing except my Heat magazine. Everything Buffy belongs to Joss Whedon.

* * *

**Battlefield.**

**Chapter Six: Words and Sketches.**

* * *

_Maybe mistakes are what make our fate... without them what would shape our lives? Maybe if we had never veered off course we wouldn't fall in love, have babies, or be who we are. After all, things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart... – Sex And The City._

'God, Angel, pick up your freakin' phone!' I shouted at my cell.

I threw it to the floor forcefully with no concern to check if it was all in one piece still, before turning my attention back to the road. I heard someone beep their horn angrily at me a few times from behind, which was slightly arrogant, though I was too fuelled up to be bothered to introduce them to my middle finger.

After apologizing repeatedly to Giles, Fred and Wesley, I had run out of the restaurant to my car and sped off down the street a few moments later. I had rung Angel's work number first, but there had been no reply. Wondering if he was maybe on a lunch break or away from his office performing an errand, I decided to ring his cell phone instead. Once again, his chirpy voicemail greeted me. By this time I was beyond irritated. The fear bubbling deeply in the pit of my stomach didn't help either.

Halted by a red traffic light, I grabbed my cell, which was amazingly still securely in one piece, and flipped it open again. I pressed number seven on speed dial and waited patiently, keeping my eyes locked on the traffic lights before me.

'_Hey, this is Cordelia. Sorry I missed your call but I was busy doing something a lot more important. Feel free to leave me a short message, the shorter the better.'_

As soon as the light had turned to green, I sped down the street. Before I even had chance to throw my phone to the floor again, thinking up of the many curse words I would love to leave both Angel and his sister on their voicemails, I found myself outside of my house. Angel's shiny car was parked in the drive way, whilst Cordelia's sleek car was parked over the drive way.

My irritation immediately drained when I saw the huge hole in my window. Shattered glass surrounded the outside of the window, sparkling in the sun like thousands of tiny diamonds embedded in the grass.

Jumping out of my car, I stood frozen on the drive, my heart pulsing quickly beneath my chest, as my eyes took in the scene before me, trying to capture everything from the broken window to the people stood next to the window in my house. I recognized Faith by her leather pants, cracking her knuckles, with her back to the window. She seemed to be talking to Cordelia, who cradled my beautiful Evelyn in her arms. And then there was Angel. He was stood directly in front of the window, not having yet noticed me, running the edge of his fingertips along the ragged outline of the smashed window. Suddenly the brown eyes met the hazel.

There had always been a connection between me and Angel. A connection so deep, so strong, that it seemed almost inhuman. Something that was wrote about in the cheesiest of romance novels. Sure, when we touched, even if our shoulders merely bumped in passing, an immediate shock of electricity would run through both us. But it was something deeper. It was hard to explain … it was like, in some way, we were part of each other. If Angel was in trouble or was hurt, I could sense it. My body would instantly go rigid, my heart would yearn to reach out to touch his cool skin, and my mind wouldn't rest until I knew he was alright. And another connection between us was how we were able to read each other like an open book. With one look, a full conversation could be told. And that was what was happening now …

As I stared into Angel's eyes, I looked beyond the beautiful shade of brown into his soul.

He answered my questions with one look.

Without even knowing how I had gotten there, and unable to remember the steps I had taken to walk there, I found myself in Angel's arms, held tightly into his firm chest. I breathed in his cinnamon scent. His lips brushed the top of my hair as he loosened his arms around me. I took a step out of his arm, looked once more into his eyes, before turning to Faith and Cordelia.

'What happened?' I asked, though already aware as to what the answer would be.

'I was up in bed, B, there was no way I could have caught him… the little rat was gone before I even jumped out of bed.'

Faith was aware that I knew who was behind the shattered window. She wasn't stupid, nor did she like to pretend that things were any different from what they were, and I was thankful that she hadn't gone down the whole dumbfounded and sympathetic road.

'It's alright, Faith. Are you okay?' I replied.

'I'm five by five. It's just your window that needs mourning,' smiled Faith.

I smirked back at her.

Then from the corner of my eye I saw something sat on the coffee table. I realised it was a rock as I examined it closer. It was wrapped in a thick sheet of white paper, barely showing the rough texture of the grey rock beneath, which made it look more like a snowball. Across the paper was only a few words scribbled down.

'What does it say?' I questioned as I took Evelyn into my arms.

She rested her chin on my shoulder, sticking her thumb in her mouth, whilst Angel played with her blonde curls besides me, probably keeping Evelyn distracted. I found myself hugging her tightly to my chest in an iron clad grip. Angel's other free hand, the one that wasn't playing with Evelyn's curls, stroked my back in circular motions soothingly. I slightly released Evelyn, although still keeping her body pressed close enough to mine so that I could feel the heat radiating off her tiny frame.

Cordelia's eyes fell on the rock. She bent over and grabbed the paper-covered rock, holding it up so I could read it.

'_Guess whose back?'_

The three little words held such a bigger significance.

In another three words I could some up what they meant: it was final, it was definite, and it was happening… he was back.

'The cocky twat always thought he was amusing,' growled Faith, her teeth grinding together.

I saw Angel nodding in agreement from the corner of my eye.

'I know. I mean, why couldn't he have just posted the piece of paper through the mailbox? Was there any need to go and break the window?' questioned Cordelia, rolling her eyes. 'Don't worry, Buffy, I'll get it sorted.'

And with that, Cordelia pulled out her phone and vanished into the kitchen. A few moments later we could hear her purring seductively down the phone. Angel rolled his eyes, mimicking his sisters' earlier actions, and flopped down onto the sofa. Faith held the rock in her hands, spinning it onto different angles to examine it closer.

I found that I was too anxious to sit down. After we didn't hear anything for two weeks, I guess I let my guard down. I thought that maybe Spike wasn't returning after all, maybe he was smarter than that, but I was wrong. Even though it was only a smashed window, it still had given me a fright. It was out of the blue, totally unexpected, and after everything had been so calm, the littlest thing had me overwhelmed in panic. But it wasn't me I was scared for. It was the beautiful being in my arms, the baby that leant perfectly against my body, drooling slightly on my shoulder. I was scared for my soul mate who sat on the sofa, his eyes distant as he probably began plotting the many ways he would make Spike pay for the terror he had caused me. I was scared for my friends – the ones who had their own children, the ones who were finally getting their lives back on track after everything they had been through. I was scared for my Mom who didn't need to be dragged into this mess because of me. I was scared because Spike had found my home that easily.

And in that moment, as I watched each and every one of my loved ones faces flash before my eyes, I made myself a promise.

I wasn't going to turn into the vulnerable girl Spike had turned me into all those years ago. I wasn't going to turn my back on the strong person I had become in Angel's care – I was going to stay strong, I was going to be the laid back and determined Buffy back in High School … I was going to be Angel's Buffy. I owed it to him for fixing me almost two years ago when I returned to Sunnydale broken.

I was going to be the Buffy that Angel fell in love with.

* * *

That night Angel and I stayed up, curled up in each others arms, unable to let slumber take over.

Evelyn was asleep in her cot besides my side of the bed. I had asked Faith if she would drag it into my room as I needed Evelyn to be in seeing distance all night so I wouldn't get up ten times an hour to go to her room instead. Angel had no problem with having Evelyn in our room this time – he was fully understanding on why I wanted to keep my daughter close. And it was a lot easier being able to see her tiny chest rise and fall with every breath she took, watching as her left hand curled and uncurled as she slept peacefully. Sometimes it still surprised me that Angel and I had created that beautiful creature, that we had created a human being.

I leant my head against Angel's chest, allowing his heartbeat to soothe me. His strong arms were encircled around my waist, holding me close besides him, whilst his chin rested on my shoulder.

'I'll keep you safe, Buffy, you and Evelyn,' he vowed.

'It's not me I'm worried about,' I admitted. I cocked my head slightly so I was looking into his eyes. 'It's everyone but me. You, Evelyn, Faith, Cordelia, Willow, Xander, Giles, Mom, Oz, baby Sky … I can't let you all get caught up in my mess.'

Angel stroked my hair. 'We're not getting caught up in _your _mess. It's _our _mess. Buffy, we're family.'

Somewhere inside of me the anger bubbled. It wasn't their mess – it was all mine. I was the one who had dragged my dark cloud over the sunny sky, blocking out the light and warmth that the sun brought. They shouldn't have to live in worry or fear. It was all _my _fault.

'No! Damn it, Angel! It is _my _mess. You all would have been much better off if I just stayed in Michigan!' I shouted.

I instantly regretted shouting.

I whipped my head around to the side, squinting in the darkness at Evelyn's cot. Even in the pitch black, I could still make out her tiny silhouette. Her chest was still rising and falling, her thumb was now in her mouth. I thanked God that I hadn't waked her up from her peaceful slumber. I turned my head slowly back to Angel, feeling slightly guilty, too afraid to look at him completely in the eyes.

'You think I would have been better off?' Angel asked.

He shook his head before taking a deep breath and continuing.

'You made me whole. You gave me true happiness, Buffy. You gave me the most beautiful daughter … without you; I wouldn't be the man I am today. Don't think for a second, Buffy, that I would be better off without you. Danger or no danger, I love you – always … and I'm not going anywhere.'

I bit down on my bottom lip. I knew I wouldn't have been better off in Michigan – in fact, it wouldn't surprise me if I had ended up dead if I prolonged my stay there. If I hadn't come to Sunnydale, I never would have strengthened my friendship with the friends who had been my rock since High School; I wouldn't have got back in contact with Mom and re-built our bond that had merely shattered over the years of my absence in Sunnydale. Yet, the scariest thought was imagining that if I didn't come back I would have never found Angel as my soul mate instead of the great friend he had been to me in High School. And, if I had never embraced a relationship with Angel, the perfect little girl sleeping in her cot next to me would have never been created. I had become so adapted to my life that I had never stopped to think about the possibility of living a totally different life … one that wouldn't include Angel or Evelyn. And I was glad that it had crossed my mind, even though it pained me to even imagine a life without either of them, because it reminded me of how lucky I was.

'I'm sorry. You know how my foot likes to live in my mouth,' I apologized, looking up into his beautiful eyes. 'I just can't put you or our daughter in danger. I don't think my heart would survive if either of you got hurt.'

Sympathy swirled deeply in his eyes, though understanding shined brighter. In that moment I realised that my fear was his fear. We both feared loosing our small perfect family; we were both scared of something happening to one another and our daughter. Although, we would both fight to protect the happy life we shared together.

'No one is going to get hurt. I promise.'

I nodded. Leaning up slightly, I pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

'I love you,' I whispered.

Before Angel could reply, the phone began to ring.

We both looked at each other; the same confused expression etched into our tired faces, as we wondered who on earth would be calling us at such an early time. Angel leant over and grabbed the phone from his bedside cabinet. With a click of the green button, he held the phone to his ear.

'Hello?'

'_Angel! Oh god, I'm s_o s_orry to wake you at this time. I hope I haven't waked Evelyn.'_ I heard my Mother apologize down the phone.

Angel's eyes flashed to the crib and back, before replying, 'No, Evelyn is still fast asleep – don't worry about it, Joyce. What's wrong?'

'_He was in my house, Angel.'_

I froze. My heart stuttered in my chest as my eyes widened. If it was the same person that I thought it was, my worse fear was coming to life.

'Who?' questioned Angel.

'_Spike.'_

* * *

I gripped the piece of paper with my shaky hands.

I stood in my Mom's sitting room, staring at the piece of paper in my hands, as Mom made a cup of coffee for herself and Angel. Evelyn was asleep soundlessly in her car seat that rested against Angel's legs. She only woke up once on the trip here and even then there were no tears, but she had returned back to her soft slumber a few moments before we arrived. Mom had been stood at the door upon our arrival, clutching a piece of paper to her chest. As we entered her house, she had thanked us repeatedly for making the journey here so early in the morning. When Angel questioned her about the piece of paper, she merely handed it over to me with her own shaking hands.

Sketched lightly onto a piece of paper was Mom asleep. Her soft blonde curls fanned over the pillow, her hand rested peacefully besides her head. Her lips were upturned with her nose scrunched slightly and her brow furrowed. The whole sketch was very detailed.

I had barely noticed Mom return into the room, carrying a tray of mugs which held a brown steaming liquid. She placed the tray on the table, sloshing the liquid over the mugs top, before taking a seat besides Angel on the sofa, cradling her hands in her lap. Angel wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders.

'My throat was dry so I decided to get up to get a glass of water. And it was only when I came back that I noticed the envelope on my bed.'

She carefully pulled out a crisp white envelope from her dressing gown pocket. She passed it to Angel.

'I can't understand how he got in,' Mom said with confused eyes.

'No, me neither,' I replied.

I looked up from the scarily detailed sketch and met my Mom's wide frightened eyes.

'You can stay in our guest room, Mom, at least until I know everything is safe,' I promised.

Mom shook her head. 'But I thought you already had a friend staying-'

'We have two guest rooms, Joyce, and we would love for you to have the other,' interrupted Angel, giving her a warm smile.

I nodded in agreement. Looking at us with gratitude, Mom gave in. I was glad that she wasn't going to be as stubborn as I would have been; though I guess knowing that Spike was somehow able to get in undetected was a slight factor behind her decision to stay with us.

'I better go and pack a few things,' she said.

I watched her leave the room and go upstairs, still clutching her hands together.

The fear in my stomach bubbled furiously. Mom had been a target because Spike knew how close and protective I was over my Mother. He knew that he was adding fuel to the fire by showing me how he had no limits. How many more people would he target before this all ended?

I turned back to Angel who was now holding another white piece of paper in his hands.

'What's that?' I questioned, taking a seat besides him.

'It fell out of the envelope,' he answered.

He passed it over to me.

Seven words were sloshed over the paper in the same handwriting that had been written on the rock that had smashed my window.

_It was nice seeing you again, Joyce._

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**Thank you so much for all the reviews! You are all so sweet. It means a lot to me that you are enjoying this story. I can't believe I have like 64 from just 5 chapters. I'm wondering if I could get to 100 before ten – it would break my record of getting 100 at chapter twelve.**

**Anyway, yeah, I thought I would add in the sketches – like Angel did when he was evil – because I find that very creepy … so it fitted. Also, I know some of you will be disappointed that like after the phone call – the emergency was only a broken window and no one had been shot or anything! My apologises! Buffy was just so calm that even the littlest thing gave her a fright.**

**To all the Twilight fans – WOO! We dominated the teen choice awards 09! Twilight left with 11 out of 12 nominations! **

**And finally, before I bore you to death, my Mom has been moved to another hospital that has a specialist there for her condition. If we're lucky, she should be home by the end of the week! Fingers crossed!**

**Once again, Thanks so much for all the support! It means truly loads to me!**

**Lots of love, your writer always, Beth x**


	7. The Weight of My World

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****Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my new cocoa butter cream that smells beautiful! Joss Whedon owns everything Buffy.**

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**Battlefield.**

**Chapter Seven: The Weight of My World.**

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_It would be so nice if something made sense for a change. – Alice in Wonderland._

For the rest of the night, or morning should I say, I was too afraid to go to sleep. Seen as my Mom mirrored my feelings, I used the excuse of going downstairs to comfort her to Angel, who was wise enough to know that I was lying and I just didn't want to fall asleep so the nightmares could torture me. He didn't say anything, he just gave me a sympathetic look and a small kiss. When I went downstairs, I realised the sitting room was empty. However, the bright light shone from the kitchen and betrayed my Mom's whereabouts. I quietly made my way to the kitchen and slid through the small space where the door hadn't fully been closed.

Mom sat at the circular table, her smooth hands wrapped around a mug of steaming coffee. As soon as the floor creaked beneath the weight of my feet, her eyes darted up to the door in alarm, her whole body going rigid. Slowly she loosened up when she realised it was only me and leant back in her chair, throwing me a soft but tired smile.

'You ok, honey?' she asked.

I pulled out the kitchen chair opposite her and took a seat.

'Shouldn't I be asking you that?' I questioned.

Mom shrugged. She lifted the mug to her lips and took a sip. Smacking her lips together, she looked back at me as she lowered the mug.

'I already know I'm fine, it's you I'm worried about,' Mom said.

Her words were coated in strong motherly love.

'I'm fine, Mom, don't worry about me,' I replied.

Maybe it was because I looked away whilst saying it, or maybe it was a Mother's Intuition, but she knew I was lying before I could even complete my sentence.

'Sweetie, you're not alone. He hurt you on so many levels, in so many ways, that it's alright to be scared,' Mom whispered, reaching across the table and taking my hand in hers.

She rubbed her thumb gently in circular motions across the top of my hand. In some way it calmed me. When I was younger my Mom would rub the back of her finger up and down my nose repeatedly until I fell asleep. Mom said it was sometimes the only way she could get me to sleep. I guess she just had a magical touch that was able to soothe me unintentionally.

'I'm fine, Mom, really.'

I glanced up to see her giving me a disapproving look. I knew that a Mother could always tell when their child was lying, though I just couldn't open up about my past at the moment – I was too emotionally and physically drained to revisit that time.

'I need to be strong,' I whispered.

'Says who? Buffy, sometimes you need to be taken care of … the weight of the world is not on your shoulders,' replied Mom, giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

'You're right,' I replied, looking up into her eyes. 'The weight of _the _worldisn't on my shoulders, but the weight of _my _world is.'

Mom parted her lips to speak, although, before she was able to utter a single word, I cut across her.

'You, Angel, Evelyn, Willow and the gang … you all make up my world. Spike is going to get to me by getting to the people I love because he knows that you lot are my weakness. And there are no chances in hell that I am going to let that happen. I _won't _let it happen.'

I let out a deep breath that I didn't even know I was holding.

The corners of Mom's lips pulled up into a soft smile as she continued to search my face. She suddenly rose to her feet, walked to my side of the table, and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

'I'm going to bed now, honey. I love you,' she said, running her fingers through my hair.

I spun in my seat and watched as she sauntered out of kitchen, leaving me rather confused.

* * *

I didn't sleep.

Angel found me the next morning, sat up on the sofa with a blanket around my shoulders, nursing a mug of hot chocolate. It was how I had sat the full night after Mom went to bed, watching pathetic sitcoms and uninteresting documentaries, always sipping on a mug of hot chocolate. I had drunk so many cups of the soothing liquid that I had run out now.

The window was boarded up – courtesy of Angel and Faith, who had sneakily borrowed some wood from our next door neighbours shed. It wasn't safe enough with only the wood in place, especially when we had a seven month child in the house whose safety was the most important thing to me; however it was better than a smashed window that screamed for burglars to make a stop. Cordelia had promised me that by tomorrow night a new window would be fitted.

'Buffy, you better not have spent all night there,' said Angel, standing in front of the television.

'Nope, because technically we didn't come home from my Mother's until half three in the morning … so I've spent all morning here,' I replied.

I took the last sip of my hot chocolate, peering up at Angel from under my thick fringe of eyelashes. He merely shook his head and ran his hand over his face.

'I've called Cordelia and told her I won't be making it into work today,' Angel said, taking a seat besides me, 'she's taking the day off too.'

I nodded.

Angel sighed. 'Listen, Buffy, don't go mad … but police are coming round to do a sweep of the house.'

The empty mug slid from my hands, although Angel caught it swiftly, as I stared at him with wide eyes. He had to be joking. He wouldn't have rung police – we knew it was Spike who was behind everything, why did we need the police to come and confirm this as well? It was pointless.

'What?' I choked out.

'Cordelia told our Father about the window. You know my Dad is a lawyer, Buffy, and you know he loves his granddaughter … what else was there to expect?' Angel asked.

Angel's Father, Benjamin O'Conner, had rung the police? I knew he was a lawyer – he owned the most successful law firm in the whole of California, where Angel and Cordelia worked for him. I hadn't expected, out of all the people in our lives, that he would ring the police to ensure our safety, to ensure the safety of his beloved granddaughter. I guess that it made up for my Father being out of the picture.

'Cordelia already told him we know who it is, but he just wants the police to come search for some clues, fingerprints and that, and to just make sure the house is secure,' added Angel, taking my hand in his.

'The police won't find him, Angel, even if they find anything – he's sneaky. And the house is secure, we know that already! I mean, I'm grateful your Dad is so fond of us … but the police aren't going to help anything,' I sighed.

'Just let them do their job, love,' Angel pleaded.

I nodded slowly.

I would let them sweep for prints, check around our house, and would sit silently whilst they performed their tasks. But what was I supposed to do if they didn't find anything? What if Spike left nothing behind in his wake that would give the police some form of identity? Was I supposed to tell the police that I was aware of who was making our lives hell?

'What if they don't find anything? Should I tell that I know who it is?' I asked Angel.

Angel fell deep in thought for a moment, probably thinking his answer through wisely.

'Yes. Tell them that it's Spike behind this. Maybe they can catch him before he strikes again,' Angel answered, pushing a piece of stray hair behind my ear.

But if I told them about Spike, would I have to tell them about my past with him? I had faced this a long time ago; I didn't want to revisit it. In fact, somewhere inside of me, I just didn't want to tell the police at all. I didn't want them to look at me with pity and sympathy; I didn't want to be classed as a victim. I had left that chapter behind in my past; I had moved on, I didn't want to resurface it all. Angel must have been thinking along the same train of thought…

'You don't have to tell them about what happened in Michigan … not yet anyway. How about you wait until he's been caught first, huh? Then make a statement -'

'Yeah, I'll do that,' I agreed.

He pressed a kiss to my forehead. 'One day you'll be able to close the door on him forever.'

I would be looking forward to that day …

* * *

I watched through my bedroom window as Angel spoke to the two police men outside. After they had swept for fingerprints – and unsuccessfully found nothing – they had searched around the house, checking even the basement that we never used, before returning and declaring that our house was one of the safest they had ever inspected. I wanted to roll my eyes and remind them that once you had a baby … everything in sight could be potentially dangerous. And, even if the two policemen didn't understand, I was sure that their wives or girlfriends would.

Willow stood by my side, her shoulder almost bumping mine, as we saw one of the policemen clap Angel on the back.

Angel had rung Willow when I had been in the shower. He had asked her to come round as support for me whilst the police were here. Willow, being the good friend she was, had accepted the favour and arrived around ten minutes after the police had come. If Angel had told me previously that he was going to ask Willow to come round for support, I would have refused and commanded him to let my friend enjoy a peaceful day with her family, though, once the police had arrived, the uneasiness crept upon me and I found myself grateful that my best friend was by my side. There was a certain atmosphere that a best friend brought with them into your life. You know that your safe in their presence, you know that their shoulder will always be open for you to cry on, you know their always there to trust, and you know that, no matter what, someone will always have your back even if the rest of the world walked out on you. And that was the atmosphere that Willow always brought into a room with her. And how couldn't I feel reassured with her there?

'Angel looks at ease around them,' Willow mentioned.

'Angel knows them from college,' I replied, watching as my lover gave one of the men a dig in the arm, 'they were good friends back then.'

Willow nodded, her eyes falling back on the three men stood outside.

'How's your Mom?' she asked.

Mom had left with Cordelia and Evelyn to see Grandpa Benjamin by lunch time. She looked determined when I saw her, like she was trying her hardest to stay strong, but I could see through her fairly believable façade. Since I had returned to Sunnydale, I had learnt everything inside and out about my Mom. I knew her better than any one else ever did … even my Father. But she was trying to stay strong, just like me, and I didn't want to comment on the worried sparkle in her eyes, so I passed Evelyn to her instead and watched as she melted like putty in the hands of her granddaughter.

'Determined to prove that she's a strong Summers chick,' I replied, a faint smile playing on my lips.

Willow smiled too. Her lips parted to reply, however, before she could muster even a single word, my bedroom door flung open.

'Look, it's my two favourite girls! Hey Buff, can I have this?'

I looked up to see Xander in the door way, holding up an apple pie. His jet black hair was slightly windswept and his jacket was still in place. Flashing his goofy grin at me, he held the pie slightly higher as though I hadn't noticed it in the first place.

'Xander, how did you get in the house? I didn't even see you pass the police,' I said.

Xander cocked his eyebrow. 'The police are here?' he asked.

I rolled my eyes. 'Yes. How did you get in?'

'Magic,' winked Xander, collapsing happily on my bed. 'Anyway, going back onto more serious matters, can I have this apple pie?'

I couldn't help but laugh. When Xander entered the room, my troubles all managed to escape through the open door. In both of my best friend's presence, nothing could worry me. It reminded me of the times when we were all still innocent, watching movies on my sitting room floor and eating cheesy puffs until one of us threw up, the times when the outside world didn't exist and it was only us. It was unreal that after all these years, since the first day I started Sunnydale High, we were still as close as we were back then. The only thing that had changed was that Willow was a Mom and happily married, I had become a Mother and found my soul mate, and Xander had grown facial hair.

'Yes, Xand, you can have the pie,' I smiled.

He cheered. And before I could even offer to go retrieve him a spoon or fork, he whipped out his own spoon from his inside jacket pocket and shovelled a large piece into his mouth.

'When did you last eat, Xander? I'm sure that I fed your starving mouth only yesterday,' Willow laughed.

Xander tried to reply, though his mouth was full to the brim with chewed up pie, so all that came out was loads of crumbs. I groaned as they fell onto my bed.

'Xander, watch out! You're getting crumbs all over my freshly made bed,' I moaned.

Xander jabbed his fork in my direction and swallowed loudly. 'Now don't go getting Desperate Housewives on me!'

I stuck out my tongue at him.

'Who's getting all Desperate Housewives?' questioned Angel as he entered the room.

He cocked his eyebrow at Xander. I guess coming into your bedroom to find one of your friends sprawled out across the bed, eating pie like he had never been fed, whilst successfully getting crumbs all over the bed was enough to make anyone question their sanity, especially when you had been stood in the front garden for a good few minutes and had never even saw that person come in. However Angel just shook his head, probably conjuring up more embarrassing memories he had shared with Xander, and sauntered to my side, pulling me into his arms.

'They're gone. I told them about Spike,' said Angel.

'What did they say?' asked Willow.

'Parker and Riley – the two policemen – weren't surprised to hear his name come up,' answered Angel.

I looked up at him, confused.

'What do you mean?'

'Spike assaulted someone a week ago after he had a bit too much to drink – a guy called Andrew. Riley told me he was a weak, blonde scrawny lad who stood no chance against Spike. Police are keeping an eye out already for him,' explained Angel, rubbing my back softly.

I shook my head, disgusted in Spike's actions. I couldn't understand how I had loved a monster like him. It was funny how during the time, when you're in the moment, you just go with the flow and live life happy with what you've got … then, when years have passed, and you look back on the past, you almost laugh at how it had been, how you couldn't believe the life you once led. It showed just how much people changed and how they grew. The past was what shaped the future.

'Why has no one found him yet?' questioned Xander, who was rubbing his stomach with affection.

'Spike grew up being abused. He had to be sneaky and quick enough to get past his parents before they …'

'Kicked the shit out of him?' offered Angel.

'Yeah.'

Buffy couldn't help but wonder if everything would have been different if Spike's parents had loved him. Most people, even those who pretended not to, loved their children, if not as deeply as others then they at least loved them somewhere in their hearts, but Spike's parents did anything but love him. They reminded him all the time how he was a mistake, a waste of space, and how they would rather see him dead underground then breathing the same air as him. And, when they got scarily drunk, if he wasn't quick enough, if he pushed them far enough with his uncontrollable mouth, then he would be kicked black and blue, sometimes beaten so hard that he would be left unconscious. Buffy knew that, somewhere along the line, his parents were the reason he had become the way he had. Maybe after getting the shit kicked out of you for all those years, maybe it felt nice being able to have that sort of power over someone else. Maybe the idea of being the predator instead of the prey was fun for him. Thinking back on the times when Spike had told her about the abuse he suffered, she should have known by the bitterness and hatred deep in his voice that a monster was about to be born.

'Don't worry, Buffy, when this is all over … we'll all go on a holiday to Hawaii or something,' smiled Willow, giving me a soft pat on the shoulder.

'That would be great,' I grinned.

We lapped into a small silence.

'Hey, Buff, do you have anymore pie?'

Even in this dark time, I still had some source of light that guided me through the unknown.

* * *

**Thanks so much for the sweet reviews for the last chapter! Honestly – you readers mean A LOT to me! **

**I have a few things to mention:**

**1) I don't like this chapter. Don't ask me why, I just don't like it. No, I don't understand either why Buffy isn't making a statement now to the police – but I think its because she doesn't want to be looked at like a victim when she's trying to be strong at the moment.**

**2) It's thanks to Romanceaholic that I put the police part in – I guess searching for fingerprints was a good idea .. I wasn't going to use it but I got to include two more Buffyverse characters! Parker and Riley. Anyway, yeah – Spike wore gloves so his fingerprints didn't come up.**

**3) I have a poll up on my profile. I would LOVE you to vote. The reason there is no 10/10 also is because I don't believe my writing to be perfect, therefore – no 10/10.**

**4) And finally … I was looking through profiles on here today and so many writers have interesting facts about them. I don't know where to start, so I decided to let my readers ask the questions & I will put the answers up to the questions on my profile. So, I give you permission to ask away! I would love to hear some of your questions – and don't worry I won't bite, just ask me :)**

**Anyway, lots of love, sorry for waffling on! Mwah x**


	8. A Sense of Normality

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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except all my stupid school crap that I've brought this week. Joss Whedon owns everything Buffy. **

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**Battlefield.**

**Chapter Eight: A sense of normality.**

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_Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep. ----Carl Sandburg _

To capture a sense of normality in my oddly jumbled life, I suggested an activity that the whole family would enjoy…

A nice picnic in the park.

Obviously neither Angel nor Evelyn had any choice in the matter; they were the only two who would be forced to come, although Angel had agreed to the suggestion with the right amount of enthusiasm. Mom had thought it was a lovely idea and offered to make the food. Faith, who I realised would be the kink in the perfection, had scoffed at me, finding my little picnic idea the amusement of her day. Willow thought, like my Mother, that it was a wonderful idea and counted herself, Oz and Sky in the fun. Xander had merely asked if there would be food to which I replied yes – 'I wouldn't miss it for the world' had been his exact words. Giles found no reason to decline the offer and counted himself in; whilst Cordelia had agreed and had decided she would meet us there after she had finished an appointment with a client. And, with the exception of Faith, the whole idea had turned out rather well.

'Who's a pretty girl?' I cooed.

I had dressed Evelyn up in the most beautiful pink flowery dress. Splattered all over the soft pink dress were flowers of all different types, colours and sizes. My Mom had bought it a few weeks ago in a sale after being unable to resist the urge to spoil her granddaughter. I guess it was her big brown eyes that lured everyone in. Once you looked into her eyes, there was no going back.

I picked up Evelyn and cuddled her to my chest, watching as she gripped onto my shirt tightly, her tiny fists scrunching up around the material. It had come to the stage where Evelyn rarely parted from me. She became anxious as soon as I was out of her sight, screaming bloody murder until I soothed her, and it had come to the point where, when I had to perform my household duties, I would have to carry her room-to-room with me, bringing a box full of her toys so she wouldn't cry. Willow had promised me that it was just a phase a baby goes through and it would eventually calm down. I hoped so. Even at night, hours after I had tucked her in to bed, she would cry her poor little heart out, even though we were in bed next to her cot. I was always torn between the strong urge to scoop her up and bring her into my bed with Angel and me, and the voices – that sounded strangely like Giles - that told me not to spoil her.

'Buffy, are you ready? We need to meet the others there in ten minutes,' Angel called upstairs.

'I'm coming,' I shouted.

Cuddling Evelyn closer to my chest, I swooped up her diaper bag that leant against her cot.

As I made my way down the hallway, I noticed Faith leaning against her doorframe, watching me with a smirk.

'You sure you don't want to come?' I questioned, already knowing my efforts were wasted.

Faith pulled a face as though she was actually considering my offer, but I knew her too well.

'Ok, you've made your point, you're too "rebel" for picnics,' I laughed.

Faith stuck her tongue out at me. 'No, I'm just staying to make sure all of your windows stay in place,' she said.

'Course you are,' I mumbled under my breath.

Before Faith could retort back, Angel shouted my name once again.

'I'M COMING!' I yelled.

Earning myself a chuckle from Faith, I slouched down the stairs and glared at Angel, who stood innocently by the front door. Mom stood on the porch, a wooden picnic basket clutched in her hands, whilst her eyes darted between me and Angel, her face shining with amusement.

'Sweetie, remind me to make Daddy sleep in the shed tonight,' I said to Evelyn, who merely just looked up at me with her big confused brown eyes.

Angel gave a muffled snort.

'Make sure you take his car keys as well,' Mom whispered to me as we made our way to the car.

I turned to my Mom in curiosity. She shrugged.

'I tried the same thing with your Father, only I forgot to take his keys and he spent the night in his car,' Mom chuckled, staring into the distance as she recalled the memory. 'And I'm guessing a car is comfier than a shed. Not really much of a punishment.'

I laughed, making a mental note to snag Angel's car keys as soon as we returned home.

* * *

'Now, repeat after me: I shall not snatch food,' I said.

Xander sighed loudly. 'I shall not snatch food … if I can help it.'

I rolled my eyes, knowing that it was the best I could get from Xander, and passed him the doughnut, letting out a short laugh as the glee in his eyes as he bit deeply into the colourful frosted food. Before I could ever turn my attention back to Giles, who I had previously been in a conversation with, Xander smacked his lips together in delight. The doughnut was no more. All of us stared at him in amazement.

'What? You made me wait ten whole seconds before giving it to me! I was dying of starvation!'

'You shouldn't have snatched,' smirked Angel.

'You're right, Angel,' said Xander, turning to face me. 'Sorry Mom!'

I rolled my eyes.

'Did that make anyone else feel extremely, erm, old?' asked Giles.

Mom gave a slight nod of her head as her fingertips lingered on her slightly aged face.

Silence fell upon the group. Everyone ate, or dribbled in Evelyn's case, each of them wrapped up in their own thoughts.

'Oh, hey, look! Animal crackers,' Oz said, holding up a bag of animal crackers.

I watched in amusement as him and Willow shared a look, smirking at one another. Obviously it was a personal joke, judging by the strong look in their eyes, so none of us pried and continued to pick at the food. Xander was doing a good job at inhaling all his food. Giles and my Mom now appeared to be in their own private conversation, necks craned slightly and speaking in soft hushed voices, allowing none of us to eavesdrop on their conversation. Sky was sat in between her parents, picking at the grass with a dreamy sort of look in her eyes. Whilst Angel and I sat in a peaceful silence, both of us fixated on our darling drooling daughter.

Having Evelyn had been the best thing that had ever happened to me. Before I had fell pregnant, I had thought that because I had found my soul mate in Angel my life was finally complete. However, I had never noticed the gaping hole that prevented my life from being anything but complete. It was a hole that only Evelyn could fill. It was a hole that needed to be filled with a child who could make me love in a way I had never thought capable. And then the moment I first held her, when I got to meet the tiny human being that had been growing inside of me for the past nine months. I never knew anything could be so small and delicate. Feeling her tiny heartbeat with tears in my eyes. And I knew that I couldn't love anything more in the whole world.

I made a promise to Evelyn that day. I promised her that no matter what happened, no matter what the future held, I would _always _be there to catch her when she falls, to prevent her from ever getting hurt … from a broken leg to a broken heart, and I promised that my love for her would never _ever _die. The eternal flames of my love for her would never be put out. Because she was part of me, part of Angel, and she had given us more than she would ever know.

Which was why, as I watched my beautiful daughter and reflected upon her birth, I realised that I would never say no to another child. Evelyn had only brought happiness into our lives with her birth; another child could double that happiness. I was also very keen on giving Evelyn a sibling. I had grown up without any siblings, no one to go to for advice and no one to comfort if they were upset, so I had never been able to experience the sibling rivalry, the silly arguments and bickering, and the good times when you knew that your sibling would always have your back. Seeing Angel with Cordelia, it made me wish I had been given a chance. Angel and Cordelia, even though they were opposite gender, were extremely close and relied on each other a lot. In fact, after me, Cordelia probably knew Angel better than anyone else. So as I had never gotten my chance to grasp a baby brother or sister, I decided that giving Evelyn one would make up for it, preventing her from being lonely and wishing for the sibling she had never gotten like I had.

'Hey guys!'

Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear.

Cordelia took a seat besides me. She was dressed in a simple sweater and jeans, which was rare for Cordelia as I had only ever seen her in business wear or designer clothes. She reached over and picked up a cupcake with one hand, whilst caressing Evelyn's face with her other hand.

'Hey Cordy, did you sort your business out with Whistler?' questioned Angel.

'Finally! He told me to tell you he said hi,' Cordelia replied, taking a small bite out of her cupcake.

Angel nodded in response.

'Where's Faith?' asked Oz, looking over at me.

I smirked slightly.

'She thinks she's too "cool" for picnics,' I laughed.

Everyone snorted into their food.

'Hey, I'm the coolest person in Sunnydale and I'm still here!' Xander said around a mouthful of crumbled cookies.

I saw Willow flicking a bit of stray crumbs off her face from the corner of my eye.

'Yeah, course you are.'

'I apologise, Cordelia, but unless you've forgotten – I won the 'Funniest Person in Sunnydale High' award in senior year,' smirked Xander proudly.

I raised my eyebrow, racking my brains for that memory, and glanced at Willow, who seemed to remember unlike me because she was chuckling quietly.

'Didn't you pay people to vote for you?' said Oz.

'Yeah, and then didn't you vote for yourself about a million times?' added Angel, smirking.

The memory slowly came flooding back to me. I remembered the many voting slips that Xander had piled on the library table, begging us to vote for him, before using up all of the slips on voting for him self. Willow had clucked her tongue in disapproval, Oz merely watched in entertainment, and Anya had spurred him on, helping him to write his name on the many slips.

Anya.

The last time I had seen her was at Graduation day. I couldn't remember the last words I had spoken to her, as I knew I didn't say goodbye because I didn't want to alert the gang that I was leaving with Spike, although I hoped they were happy words, words of kindness. Never had I thought before I left that when I would return, years in the future, Anya would cease to exist. It never failed to scare me when I realised that one moment you were here, the next you were gone.

'So I still won, didn't I?' said Xander.

'But you cheated!' exclaimed Cordelia, shaking her head at him.

'And what is life without a little cheating? Boring basically.'

I rolled my eyes.

* * *

Finally, the sunshine was replaced by the brightness of the full moon.

We, meaning Willow and I, packed up everything and decided to go back to Willow's to watch a movie. Giles and my Mom decided to call it a night. I gave Mom the keys, along with the empty picnic basket, and told her we would be home as soon as possible. Obviously Mom shooed us off and told us to take as long as we want. If it weren't for the fact that she was a grown woman, I would have worried that she was planning to throw a party at my house.

'Do you ever think that Buffy's Mom and Giles would make a cute couple?' asked Cordelia as we sauntered closer to Willow's house.

I stopped mid-step. Angel, unaware that I had halted, pushed the pram right past me, chuckling at his sisters' comment. After realising I was no longer by his side, Angel turned back to look for me. His eyes fell on mine. He knew instantly something was wrong and the joke about my Mom and Giles was nothing to do with it.

'I was joking, Buffy, chill!' said Cordelia, who seemed to have mistaken my lack of movement due to her joke.

I shook my head slowly. Raising a shaking finger, I jabbed it in the direction of Willow's house.

One by one, my friends head turned in what seemed like slow motion to face the house.

Willow's strangled gasp pierced the crisp silence of night. Oz, whose eyes were still focused on their house, gripped a sleeping Sky closer to his chest, his father instincts totally kicking in. I noticed Cordelia step closer to Xander, resulting in Xander throwing his arm around her shoulders to comfort her. I had found my way next to Angel, my fingers curling around his as we both took in the scene before us.

Willow's door was thrown wide open, almost hanging off its hinges, the golden plaque that read their house number hanging limply by only two screws.

However, it wasn't the state of the door that had us staring at the house in horror.

Leading up the garden path was small, scarlet droplets of liquid. Liquid that looked like blood.

As we advanced upon the house, keeping closer to one another, we noticed a bloodied hand print smeared across the door.

The wind hissed and howled, an owl hooted somewhere in the distant, whilst neighbours gates swung open and shut with an eerie creaking sound. It added an effect to the whole creepiness.

Oz placed an arm around Willow's waist and pulled her closer to him, gripping Sky even tighter.

We all moved silently up the garden path, our eyes darting from each splatter of blood that stained the pavement, until we each stepped inside the house, carefully trying not to touch the glittering blood on the door.

'You-you don't think someone is d-d-dead in there, do you?' questioned Cordelia, looking around at everyone with fearful eyes.

Silence was the only reply she received.

I was almost certain of who was behind this, though I couldn't bring myself to voice his name. Instead I pathetically walked into the house, wishing that Spike would just torture me instead and leave my family out of this. Willow and Oz didn't deserve to be tormented in this horrible way.

'Oh god,' whispered Willow.

The golden mirror that hung above Willow's fireplace barely looked recognizable. Swirls and patterns covered the mirror in the same sickly blood-looking colour.

Written in the centre of the mirror with blood were the words …

_Peek-A-Boo, I see you._

'Sick bastard,' hissed Xander, his fists crunching up into balls.

I nodded in agreement, staring at the bloody words.

'I'll ring Parker and Riley,' said Angel.

He disappeared out of the broken front door.

I didn't want Evelyn out of my sight for a minute. I unfastened her from her pram and cuddled her against my chest, bouncing her slightly as my eyes remained firmly on the mirror.

Xander and Cordelia were talking, their eyes darting from the front door to the mirror, whilst Oz comforted his wife, who seemed to be panicking slightly.

I cursed Spike. I cursed his whole existence. He was ruining the life I had built here. He was hurting the people I loved.

'Will, I'm so sorry,' I whispered as I sauntered to her side.

'It's not your fault, Buffy, don't think it is for one second,' Willow replied, sounding much stronger than she looked.

'Please, spend the night at mine and Angel's – I'll feel much better knowing you are safe,' I begged.

Because there were no limits as to what Spike would do. We weren't even sure if the blood was human. How could I live my life knowing he had killed someone just to torture me? Someone who had a future, dreams, a family. And it was my entire fault as to why that had ended.

A shiver escaped down my spine.

Willow gave me a faint hint of a smile before nodding. Angel returned to my side, announcing that Riley and Parker were on their way. I passed Evelyn to Angel.

Falling into Willow's arms, I hugged her closely.

The sense of normality in my oddly jumbled life had shattered.

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**I owe you all an apology. I have taken ages to update this chapter and it is completely & utterly crap. So, you can send me all the hate & chase me with burning pitch forks – I understand. I'm not impressed with this chapter – I found it difficult to write. Next chapter should be better. I'm hoping to add a bit of drama to the next chapter – well, I hope it is dramatic anyway!**

**Thanks so much for the reviews! It means so much! Hey, maybe you could review this chapter and try your best to get me up to 100? Pretty please – for your writer! And I can promise a much quicker and better update!**

**I get my GCSE result tomorrow – for those who don't know, I did a Spanish GCSE 2 years early a couple of months ago & I get the result tomorrow! YIKES! **

**Anyway, thanks again for being so sweet to me!**

**Your writer always,**

**Beth x**


	9. Tortured

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****Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my new New Moon poster, three new dresses and my new UGG boots. **

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**Battlefield.**

**Chapter Nine: Tortured. **

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_Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days you will be right. ----Unknown author._

Once again, for the second time this week, I spent the full night wide awake, unable to grasp the peacefulness of slumber. Whenever I clamped my eyes shut and begged for sleep, Spike's face would flood my mind until my eyes flew open again moments later. Eventually I gave up on the possibility of sleep and took a place besides the window, staring out into the vast pool of darkness.

My eyes squinted through the darkness.

I knew he was out there somewhere, possibly plotting his next sickening scheme to torture me. Knowing that Willow, Oz, Sky, Faith and Mom were all under my roof, it helped with my extremely high nerves. Giles, to my slight irritation, refused to stay over as well, explaining to me in his thick British accent that he could take care of himself. Whilst Cordelia and Xander were both well aware of how overcrowded my house would be tonight; therefore they decided to camp out together in Cordelia's house for the night.

I had been tremendously relieved when Parker and Riley, who had brought a few forensics to accompany them to the house, had explained to us that the red substance was in fact blood, though it belonged to a pig. The fear that someone had lost their life just so Spike could torture me disappeared instantly. The forensics swept for fingerprints, which was indeed successful this time as Spike had wrote over the mirror without a glove. The results for the fingerprints would be confirmed for us sometime later in the week; however I already knew whose fingerprints they were – so the results, as I told Riley, seemed pretty damn pointless. But it was all part of the job. After forensics had finished, the door was boarded up and the house was enclosed in the unattractive yellow police tape.

I heard Angel moan softly into the cushion. The squeaking of springs told me that my lover was shifting his body to try and find a comfortable position on the sofa.

If there was one thing my Mom taught me, it was how to be a good hostess.

I had offered Willow and Oz our bed, shouting down Willow's refusal until she grew that tired that she happily accepted. Sky had taken Evelyn's crib, where she just about fitted in, whilst I decided that Evelyn would be alright spending one night in her bassinet. Faith and my Mom had their guest rooms, leaving the bathroom, sitting room and kitchen as the only spare rooms. Angel and I happily chose the sitting room over all three. The sofa wasn't so bad I supposed.

As I stared out at the pitch black streets, I wondered what sickening scheme I would have to suffer through next.

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By lunch time the next day, only Evelyn and I were left in the house.

Angel had left for work around half eight as usual, complaining on his way out about needing a new sofa, whilst he massaged his stiff back. Faith had sneakily left after Angel, but I already knew she was going to the gym to kick in a few sessions of a hardcore work-out. Mom, who had scolded me for almost an hour straight about not sleeping again, had decided to go back home for the morning to collect her post and check the house, along with doing some grocery shopping for my own house. And the Osbourne family thanked me for letting them take over our home and departed back to their own house, where hopefully someone would be waiting to replace their shattered door.

However, even though I desperately wanted to spend a few hours alone with my daughter, pretending like we were all a happy family in a simple word; I had the strongest urge to do my own detective work. I didn't want to drag Evelyn any further into my mess than I already had, so instead I got her ready in the most adorable Winnie the Pooh set and placed her in her car seat, thankful that she was being rather calm.

'I'm sorry baby, I promise you and I will bond later,' I apologized to my seven month daughter.

I looked in my rear view mirror to see her playing with a button on her jumper. Deciding that it was unwise to continue talking when Evelyn was obviously distracted and probably unaware of what she was saying, I turned back to the road and focused on my driving.

Ten minutes later, I pulled up outside a rather newish looking building. Paintings and drawings of bright colours decorated the windows, whilst across the top of the automatic doors was an eye-catching red sign saying: _Rosebuds Day-care. _Cutting the engine, I grabbed my keys from the ignition and jumped out of the car. After retrieving Evelyn from her car seat, I headed towards the entrance.

The automatic doors slid open and I was welcomed into the warmth of the reception. Evelyn had a small handful of my hair, twisting it between her tiny fingers. I headed over to the reception desk where a tall brunette girl named Dawn sat, spinning on her seat, looking quite bored. Upon noticing my arrival, Dawn rose to her feet and flashed me a huge smile.

'Buffy!' she said.

'Hey Dawn,' I smiled.

I balanced Evelyn on my hip, wincing slightly as she tried to keep a firm grip on my hair and pulled it, as I picked up the pen that rested on the desk. I quickly wrote down Evelyn's name, the time and date, before scribbling my signature besides the information. I pushed the book to Dawn, who glanced over it once, and nodded. The book was used as confirmation that a child had been passed over to the _Rosebuds Day-Care _with signed permission. Then, if there were any problems, the book would be able to tell what time the child had arrived, left, who with, and on what date.

'Buffy! Evelyn! It's great to see you again.'

I looked up to see Tara sliding through a door, letting the noisy screams and childish laughter ring through the reception, as I saw a sneak peek of a group of toddlers running past.

'Tara, hey. Yeah, I have some business to take care of, I hope you don't mind,' I said, passing Evelyn over to her.

Tara bounced Evelyn in her arms, causing a musical giggle to escape my daughter's lips. I smiled and passed Tara her diaper bag as well.

'No, course, it's fine,' Tara replied, meeting my gaze.

'Thanks. I'll be back later to pick her up … but if not, her Dad might pick her up instead,' I informed.

Tara nodded.

I leant forward and pressed a kiss to Evelyn's cheek, running my fingers through her blonde curls, before thanking Tara and waving goodbye to Dawn.

I returned to my car and slid in the driver's seat, letting my hands glide over the steering wheel.

I was about to return to a place I hadn't been since the end of my senior year of High School…

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I stood in front of the oak door, wrinkling my nose at the faint smell that loomed in the halls.

Taking another step closer, I allowed my fingers to run over the wood. When I lifted up my fingers, they were blackened with dust and dirt, reminding me of how long it had been since I had last visited this place. It had been almost six, maybe seven, years since I had last stepped through the unclean door before me. How time passed …

When you had abusive parents, you often felt trapped. I wouldn't know the feeling in depth as my Mother had been nothing but a huge support in my life, a safety net of sorts, however I had been in a relationship with someone who was abused every single day and the emotion had rubbed off on me. This was why Spike, at the age of seventeen, left his parents house and moved into his own flat. Because, if you felt trapped, wouldn't you make at least some effort to break free?

I had spent a few nights over at his place, mainly on weekends when my Mother would allow me, but I had never liked the place. It was dirty, dank and lacked everything that a home should be. For a while, I pitied Spike. He had to live in this dump, in this place that would never pass for a home, because his own house held nothing but the horrors of a good beating from his parents. And, even now after everything he had put me through; I couldn't help feel sorry for him because he had never known a true home, and probably never will. It made me thankful for the house I shared with Angel and Evelyn – because I realised now that not everyone had somewhere that they could truly call a home.

I had never received a spare key to his flat, probably because he liked his privacy, and I had been unable to require one from the old man downstairs who owned this block of flats, which left me with only two options.

I gave the door a slight shove, however, as I had thought, the door barely even rattled under the force of my weight.

This left me with option two.

Thanking Mom mentally for sending me to karate as a child, I jumped up and delivered a firm kick to the centre of the door. The door flew open at the contact and slammed into the wall behind, smashing something that had obviously been behind the door.

I shuffled into the flat, congratulating myself on a well delivered kick, before shutting the door behind me. Flicking on the light, I turned to explore the flat.

The first thing I noticed was the shattered glass that shined in the light behind the door. As I bent down to retrieve the pieces, I realised that this must have been the object I smashed when the door was thrown open. I knew the glass must have come from somewhere, so I looked around. It was then when I found the photo frame, minus the glass, a foot away from me. I crawled on my knees and reached over, grasping the frame between my fingers. When I turned it over, I felt the breath escape my lungs.

Staring back up at me was myself. A younger version of myself, with slightly shorter hair, a tad bit skinnier, sat on Spike's knee, my arms thrown around his neck. The love that had only vanished within time was evident in my twinkling eyes as I watched my lover laugh. The way I looked at him with admiration was odd to see. The only person I looked at with so much love, passion and admiration now was Angel, the father of my child and the keeper of my heart.

I let my fingertips graze across the photograph, trying to think back to when it had been snapped.

It had been a time during High school, that was for sure, and when my love for Spike had been the strongest emotion within me, overpowering my love for anything else. The sun shined on both of our faces; I was gazing up at Spike, he was laughing happily. I could understand why he had kept this picture. It showed everything he had lost.

I returned the picture to the floor, sweeping up the shattered glass and dropping it in the bin besides the other side of the door. I straightened up and wiped my hands on my jeans.

In slow motion, like you saw in movies, I turned to face the rest of the flat that I had been trying my hardest to disregard.

And it was, as it had been all those years ago, still a disgusting mess of a place … yet much worse if that was possible. Pizza boxes lay deserted beside the old hideous sofa, the same sofa that I had once curled up with Spike on after a hard day at school, whilst the rest of the floor was occupied by clothing, shattered glass – that looked like they had once been beer bottles, and wallpaper that had been stripped from the walls. Newspapers lay folded on the floor, the cheap coffee table was overturned, and the television lay on its side on the floor instead of the wooden cabinet it had been stood on once upon a time.

I now wondered if Spike had destroyed his home after returning to Sunnydale, maybe in some force of rage or if the police had come here to search for him and swept the place, searching for clues as to his whereabouts. Whichever it was, they had made a damn atrocious mess.

I wrinkled my nose as I stepped further into the mess, trying and failing to stay out of the way. As I tip-toed through the mess in the sitting room, I noticed that the rest of the flat didn't look as bad. Once I had safely made my way to the corridor that led to the bathroom and bedroom, there wasn't a pinch of dust in sight.

I nudged open the door that I knew to be the bedroom with my right foot, not wanting to touch the withering door. When it opened, I remembered that Spike had taken most of his belongings that occupied his bedroom to Michigan with us, leaving behind only the mess behind in the sitting room. Scanning his old bedroom, which only consisted of a bed stripped to the mattress and yellow laced curtains, I shut the door and returned to the hallway.

As my eyes wandered on the repulsive sitting room area, I found myself glad that I had taken Evelyn to day-care instead of bringing her to this, for lack of a better word, shit tip. A shiver ran down my spine at the mere thought of bringing my precious baby here in this revolting environment.

Realising that my detective work was utter useless and had failed, I decided that I was better off leaving it up to Parker and Riley, as it was what they got paid for, and that I wanted to see Evelyn again.

As I made my way out of the flat, I couldn't help but glance one more time at the photograph on the floor.

Photographs were beautiful creations. They are there to capture a moment, freeze it in time, when everything goes too fast for you to even experience it properly. They give us something to look back on and remember how it _used _to be, how it had changed. Letting us wrap ourselves up in the story that a single picture told.

Photographs were all we had left of the moments that time stole from us. The moments that we were never getting back …

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I jumped out of my car, slamming the door shut behind me, as I jogged towards the day-care centre. I had been stuck in traffic for the last half an hour and was grateful to get out of the car for a bit of fresh air. I had almost fell asleep, though the musical, yet very annoying, sound of cars honking behind me had me wide awake and grounded.

I happily welcomed the sensation of the air conditioning in the reception. It felt extremely pleasurable having the breeze hit my face, especially after scorching in a car for half an hour. However, I completely forgot about the coolness on my skin when I registered Dawn's confused glance that she was giving me.

'Hey Dawn,' I greeted, trying to ignore the feeling that I was being x-rayed.

'Hey, Buffy … erm … what are you doing here?' Dawn asked in confusion.

It was my turn to look confused.

'Huh? Dawn, I'm here for my daughter – you know, Evelyn. The little Blondie I brought here before,' I laughed.

I reached the desk, watching as Dawn grew more confused. Then my eyes fell on the book before me.

Only ten minutes previously, only six hundred damn seconds before I had arrived, Evelyn had been checked out. My eyes fell on the signature.

I choked.

Before I could answer Dawn, who had been questioning me on how pale I looked, I fled from the building, tears stinging my eyes.

There was a pain, like I was burning inside, but it was too strong for me to identify where it was coming from. I felt like I was being deprived of air as I clambered into my car. My heart had stopped beating ever since I had found the five letter word printed in the signature section, confirming that my daughter had been taken. At the thought of my beloved daughter in his arms, I felt a searing pain shoot through my whole body, causing me to almost cripple in my seat from the agony.

I pulled out from the day-care centre and sped down the road, going as fast as I could.

I fumbled around the passenger seat before my fingers shakily wrapped around the frame of my phone. I lifted it, casting my eyes aside from the road for a moment, and hit number one on speed dial. A few moments later, the sound of Angel's slutty blonde receptionist answered the phone.

'Angel O'Connor's office, how many I help –'

'Harmony, just give Angel the damn phone!' I yelled impatiently.

I heard her huff in the background before clicking a button. Seconds later, Angel's smooth voice rang through my ears.

'Buffy, what's wrong?' he asked.

I couldn't get the words out; they were stuck at the back of my throat – choking me almost. I spluttered, trying to capture some soft of air, whilst listening to Angel speak to me worriedly down the phone. Trying to ignore the strong urge to vomit, I took a deep breath and focused on the words I needed to speak to Angel.

'He's taken Evelyn, Angel,' I said, my voice no more than a whisper.

I heard Angel choke slightly. After the slight squeak of a chair, I could only hear a pair of heavy footsteps thudding against the ground.

'What?' Angel hissed.

'I'm so sorry – I'm sorry,' I apologized.

It was my entirefault. As her Mother, it was my job to protect her, to keep her safe. I had failed. I had failed my job as a Mother. Just as I had failed my previous child that had been lost forever. If I had only been ten damn minutes earlier … I would have gotten to Evelyn before Spike had. I could have protected her. If I had never brought my messed up past back to Sunnydale, my family would have been safe from the start. I bet Angel hated me, was maybe even disgusted with me, for letting that filthy animal get his hands on our precious baby daughter.

'It's my entire fault, I bet you hate me. It's my fault that he's got our baby,' I sobbed down the phone, thick tears rolling down my reddened cheeks.

I had been so occupied on the phone, my mind entirely racing as I thought of my baby, with my eyes blinded by the hot tears that stung my eyes that my concentration hadn't been on the road as it should have been.

Through my blurred eyes, I noticed a small figure dressed in black stood on the corner of a side street. With a wave of the figures arm, I noticed a white van swerve around the corner.

There was nothing I could do.

It was too late.

The white van collided into the side of my car with a thunderous crash. Then, suddenly, everything was swirling. I realised that my car had rolled over onto the roof; the passenger side window had shattered. The seatbelt dug into my chest as I was thrown forward, my head smashing into the steering wheel. I could feel the blood trickling down my forehead.

My last thought was how I hoped Angel would find our beautiful baby girl and protect her from everything I was unable to now. I hoped that Angel would forgive me once he found Evelyn. I hoped the rest of my family and friends could now live in a peaceful world that I would never get to see.

Finally, the depth of the blackness swallowed me whole.

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**DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNN!**

**Hope that made up for the crappy previous chapter. And I hope it was at least _sort of_ dramatic.**

**Thanks so much for the review – it means so bloody much to me. If you're a writer, you know how much it means to have people praising your work. **

**And six reviews away from 100! YOU GUYS ROCK!**

**And, before I forget, I got a C in my GCSE! The highest I could get was a B, so I'm quite proud! :P**

**Thanks again!**

**And please – even if you don't normally review – just review this chapter so I know if it worked or not!**

**Your writer always, **

**Beth x**


	10. The Shadowy Place

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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my new umbrella … because of how much rain we're having recently!**

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**Battlefield.**

**Chapter Ten: The Shadowy Place. **

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_Our imagination is the only limit to what we can hope to have in the future.__ – Charles F. Kettering._

It was shadowy.

I was unable to see anything around me.

I had expected to be in massive heaps of pain, such awful pain, that it was unusual that I could not feel any traces of excruciating agony whatsoever. However I couldn't really feel anything. All the emotions that had overwhelmed me before the darkness came no longer tortured me. It was as if though someone had drained every single emotion out of me. I felt … empty almost. A lifeless shell.

I let my eyes wander across the vast space surrounding me. I wanted to get away from the dullness, to escape the grey, but there was no where for me to go. Was this supposed to be heaven? Or even worse, hell? I had no idea what was to be expected after you died, I had never been a religious person, though I found myself craving the fluffy white clouds and harps playing in the background. _Anything _except this never-ending greyness.

I couldn't understand anything; my thoughts were all jumbled up, none of them making sense. The last thing I remembered was a white van colliding into the side of my car, and then everything spun around and around, before I felt a sharp pain in my forehead, a scarlet liquid blinding me. Everything else, every emotion and thought, was lost. I was lost.

Letting my teeth sink into my bottom lip, almost piercing the flesh, I craved for a slight change, a change from the surrounding shadows. And then I did see one. In the distance, far from where I was stood, was a soft dimmer of light, growing larger by the second. Before I could acknowledge anything else, I realised my feet were dragging me towards the light, as though some magnetic force was attracting me there. I didn't fight against the pull. I just let myself free for once. As I grew closer to the light, a dark figure moved out of it, walking straight towards me. I came to a halt. However, the figure continued to put one foot in front of the other, until finally coming to a stop before me.

Staring back at me was my hazel eyes.

The boy, who looked no older than fifteen yet still towered over my small frame, had a head full of messy beautiful blonde hair. His skin was snowy white. His nose also looked like mine. He was muscular and lean, with a healthy glow on his cheeks. I realised he had the most adorable pair of small ears. They looked exactly how Evelyn's looked! My eyes snapped back to his.

Looking deeply into the pair of hazel eyes, everything clicked suddenly.

My hand flew to my mouth as I stumbled backwards, my head spinning even more so now.

'You … you're … you are my child, aren't you?' I stuttered.

It seemed true enough. After all, it would be a strong coincidence if most of his feature mimicked mine. His eyes … his beautiful hazel eyes … looked so alike to mine, how couldn't he belong to me? A smile graced on his face as he took in my examining eyes. I couldn't see anyone else in him. He only looked like me.

'I _was _your child, Mom,' the boy replied in a soft voice.

My bottom lip trembled. '_Was?' _

The blonde haired boy gave me a small smile, nodding in confirmation. 'Remember? A few years ago, you lost me … when you fell down the stairs.'

And suddenly, before I had time to prepare, I was heavily hit by every single painful emotion possible. Everything that I had suffered through, every emotion Angel had repressed, all came flooding back, more painful and stronger than ever before. Just as I felt like I was going to collapse under the agony, the boy grabbed my shoulders firmly, preventing me from falling with his strong grip.

'I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. M-maybe if I got out of there faster, you would be alive,' I sobbed tearlessly.

He shook his head. He carefully released my shoulders, his hands hovering closely for a few moments as though he was deciding whether I was capable of standing up on my own, before cupping my chin and lifting it up so I could meet him in the eyes. His hazel eyes, so alike my own, were filled with love, understanding and sincerity.

'No, Mom, don't even think like that,' he whispered.

He let his hand fall from my chin.

'When you're dead, you see the reason behind everything, every insignificant event. It's true, you know, when people say everything happens for a reason. And I know if I hadn't been lost, I would have tied you to that monster and you would never have come to Sunnydale, to Angel.'

I shook my head; non-existent tears welled up in my dry eyes, as my top teeth sunk lower into my bottom lip. I didn't want him to think things like that, even if none of this was real and it was only my head playing games with me, I couldn't let my child – the child I had never given birth to yet stood before me as a teenager – think that loosing his life that the only way I could live mine.

'No,' I sniffed, reaching out and running my fingers down the smooth skin of his cheek. 'You're my baby too … I love you as well.'

The corner of his pinkish lips pulled up into a smile, illuminating his eyes. I tried my hardest to memorize the beauty of it, knowing full well that I would probably never see it again.

'I know. I'll always be part of you, but you can't keep fretting about loosing me-'

'But-'

'No, Mom, you will ruin your life. You have to take care of my little sister now, she needs you more than I,' he interrupted, pressing his long finger against my lips to shush me.

His little sister. It rolled so easily off the tip of his tongue, it came so naturally, and I enjoyed it. The protectiveness that danced in his tone, the love for the sister he had never, and would never, meet. Once again, I found myself wanting to cry and hug him tightly, but I refrained from doing so.

I gave a soft nod. He smiled back at me.

The silence wasn't awkward between us, it was comfortable. We both just looked at each other, drinking in one another's appearance. I would have had a son. A son who was beautiful, well mannered and looked exactly like me. He would have been an excellent big brother to Evelyn.

'What is it like?' I asked, suddenly full of curiosity. 'You know, being dead.'

I searched his face for a wince of pain, a flash of anger, or maybe something that suggested he didn't want to talk about it; however I was surprised when, once again, another soft smile erupted over his face.

'Strangely enough, it's like living. Except, when you're dead, you start to see everything more clearly,' he answered.

I gave him a confused glance. 'Erm, how? When you're dead, I thought you kinda couldn't see anything…'

'Because when you're alive, you're so busy living that you never take the time to actually _see _anything,' he continued, the smile touching his eyes once again.

I understood what he was saying. We were so busy living our lives, rushing through the days to come home to our families, that we never stopped anymore and just looked around at the world before us. There was so much to see … there was so much that was left unseen because of how blind humans could be.

'I see that now,' I said.

'I'm glad. I didn't want you living life blind.'

'Thank you,' I whispered.

I suddenly found myself wrapping my arms around his waist, leaning my head into his muscled chest, whilst he hesitantly put his arms around my shoulder, propping his chin on the top of my head. It felt so natural hugging my son – even if the thought of hugging my son wasn't natural.

'You know that I think about you every single day, right?' I mumbled into his shirt.

'I know. And I know that you think it's your fault every single day as well,' he said, disapproval dripping in his gentle voice.

He was right. Even if it wasn't at the front of my mind, the back of my mind harboured the blame that I held for myself. It would never leave, it would surely stay with me until I died, and nothing could erase that, not therapy or reassurance. Because it was natural to blame yourself when you lost something that you were supposed to be protecting. But, even if it would always be there, I would be able to live my life without the constant reminder of it being there, it would become something that was there but it would be unnoticed because it was such a huge every day part of me.

'I'm trying,' I said with pure determination.

'I know you are, Mom,' he replied.

He gave me a soft pat on the back.

Reluctantly, I let my arms drop around him and took a step back. I glanced up at him and gave him a sheepish smile, to which he laughed and rolled his eyes. I too ended up laughing.

Finally, silence fell upon us again.

Except, this time, it was a sad realization type of silence.

'I have to go back, don't I?' I questioned sadly.

My son nodded too, frowning. 'You have a soul mate and daughter waiting for you.'

I nodded. Once again, I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him to me tightly, knowing that this was probably the last time I would ever see him again. I sighed into his chest, letting the hot tears sting my eyes, as he rubbed my back in comfort. My arms were wrapped around his waist so tightly that I wondered if they would ever unravel, however moments later I found that they were indeed able to let go. I took a step backwards, admiring his face.

'You go through the light to get back,' he told me.

I nodded once again. Looking past him, I realised how warm and comforting the light now looked. I knew it was time to go. I turned back to him, gazing into his hazel eyes.

'I love you,' I said.

'I love you too, Mom,' he promised.

I brushed my fingertips along his arm as I passed, wanting to remember his touch. Sauntering towards the light, a thought suddenly hit me. I spun around to find him watching me, an amused smirk dancing on his face.

'Yes?'

'I just wanted to know a couple of things,' I answered, feeling the warmth from the light lick at my back.

'Shoot.'

'Why are you so old?' I asked first.

He shrugged his shoulders. 'It isn't in my control.'

I raised my eyebrow, before shaking my head and deciding to ask my second question.

'Where are we?' I said, gazing around at the blank greyness.

I watched as a smile lit up his face again.

'We're in your head, Mom,' he answered.

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My eyes fluttered open.

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**DON'T KILL ME! It's so small – but good things come in small packages! And, plus, I like this chapter for some reason. It was one of those thoughts I had when I was trying to get to sleep – and I couldn't say no to the idea. Plus, I started school on Thursday – I have homework already, and the next two years will be tough … coursework and GCSEs … please forgive me if a time comes when there will be poor or lack of updates. **

**Anyway, thank you so much for the review! It does mean so much to me and I'm thankful for every single one of them. Thanks for getting me past 100 as well!**

**Please review & enjoy!**

**Lots of love,**

**Beth x**


	11. If You Seek Forgiveness

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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my imagination. Everything Buffy related belongs to the wonderful Joss Whedon.**

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**Battlefield.**

**Chapter Eleven: If You Seek Forgiveness. **

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_Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. ----Marie Curie._

I blinked.

The light was so bright, shining in my eyes, blinding me. I kept my eyes half shut, wincing at the brightness, and wondering for a slight moment if this was the light that everyone saw when they died. However, upon hearing someone thank god, I assumed that I wasn't dead; I was being given a second chance at life. Once my eyes adjusted to the light, I allowed myself to gaze around the room, drinking in everything that surrounded me.

I was definitely in a hospital room. The walls were a dull crème colour, lacking any decoration, with only a small amount of light pouring in from the small window on the opposite side of the room. On one side of my bed stood a bedside cabinet, it was covered with cards and flowers, balloons and chocolates – well, empty boxes of chocolates. On the other side was a heart rate monitor, counting my heart beats, and filled the silence with its own small beeps. I looked down to find the IV wire connecting me to the heart monitor stuck in my hand, a strip of medical tape keeping it firmly in place. I was just about to rip it out when a large, warm pair of hands enclosed around my fingers and moved them away from the wiring.

With a look into his deep, brown eyes, everything suddenly clicked into place.

I remembered why I was here, why I had been rushing so fiercely down the road.

'Evelyn?' I croaked weakly.

Angel gave a sharp nod to my side. Placed on the chair besides my bed, snuggled into her car seat, slept my beautiful daughter, looking unharmed and perfect as always. I closed my eyes and whispered a small thank you to God. The warmth of Angel's hands wrapped around my unwired hand, and gave it a gentle squeeze. My eyes slid open and I drank in his appearance, savouring his handsome face. As soon as I had admired him enough, and had the whole of his face permanently etched into my mind, I slowly sat up, resting against the headboard.

I had questions to ask.

'Where was she?' I questioned quietly, glancing at Evelyn.

Angel's eyes too fell on Evelyn. Even now, seven months after her birth, his eyes still shined with the same adoration and happiness that they did when she was first born. I still remembered how excited he had been when I told him I was pregnant. I had never seen anyone actually _glow. _But, ever since that day, Angel permanently glowed. He often told me that I had given him everything he had ever hoped for. It was strange to hear him say it – it completely summed up how I felt about him.

'On our doorstep,' Angel answered.

'What?'

My eyes widened, staring at him with shock … mingled in with a dumbfounded expression. Angel chuckled softly at my expression, letting his fingertips glide across my cheek aimlessly, before turning serious again, whilst his eyes hardened.

'Faith found her.'

I stared at him. 'Alright, maybe it's because I was just turned into a car pretzel … but I'm confused,' I said tiredly, finding that I felt pretty weak.

Truthfully, I just wanted to get the hell out of this building. I hated hospitals … ever since I was eight years old. My cousin Celia died in the hospital. The worst part was that I was with her when she died, all alone in her hospital room with her, and there had been nothing I could do. I just watched as she erupted in screams, gripping the bed covers in fear and pain, before flopping down onto the bed, still as a statue. Not breathing, not moving, not living …

I realised Angel was handing a white piece of paper out towards me. I slowly took it, my hands quivering slightly, and held it up closely to my eyes.

"_I can play games better than you think." _It read.

My eyes flashed back over to Evelyn, who was still sleeping peacefully in her car seat, and then they wavered to Angel, who was watching me with an intense stare. And suddenly everything began to form together clearly in my mind.

'The whole thing was a set-up. He was playing us,' I whispered, my eyes staring at the note.

'I don't under-'

'Hurting Evelyn was never an intention of his. He only wanted to make us suffer,' I interrupted, looking up into his confused eyes.

He shook his head, obviously still not following me.

'Think about it, Angel,' I said, holding up the note. 'Games. He was playing a game. He knew that Evelyn was my weak point. He knew that I would ring you the moment I found out our daughter was gone. And he knew that when he crashed into me, you would hear over the phone and suffer to!'

'It makes sense. Sounds exactly like a twisted thing Spike would do,' Angel sighed, rubbing his hands over his face.

I let out my own soft sigh, dropping my head back down onto my pillow. I bit down forcefully on my lip, my thoughts leading to Spike. Would he leave now? Did he think he had ruined my life enough? Or did he have more horrible ways to torture me? I wish I had the answers to my questions. My eyes fluttered back open and I scanned the room, wincing at the thought of where I was.

My eyes suddenly fell on the cards and flowers that decorated my bedside cabinet. And then I noticed the bouquet of roses, a card poking out of the beautiful flowers.

'Angel, pass me that card from the roses please,' I said.

Angel, for the second time in the last half an hour, looked confused, though he complied and got me the card.

I turned it over. There were only two words…

_I'm Sorry._

* * *

Angel didn't know who had sent the flowers and their apology. One night he had left and they weren't there, the next morning he came and they brightened up the room with their fiery colour. He had asked my friends – none of them had bought them. They remained a mystery.

Until now.

Angel had taken Evelyn home, as she had remained asleep the whole three hours of visiting times, and promised to return later, along with the company of my friends and Mother. Except, an hour after Angel had left, there was a soft knock at my door, pulling me out of my deep thoughts.

'Come in,' I called.

My voice sounded stronger now. I felt slightly stronger as well. Although, the doctors had refused to show me a mirror, and so had Angel. I guessed that maybe my face was slightly messed up. I was torn between irritation and gratitude for not being shown my reflection.

The door opened with a gentle creak. My eyes widened as a blonde figure stepped into the room timidly, closing the door mutely behind her. She hovered towards the back of the room, her fingers twitching nervously, as her eyes locked with mine, looking slightly tearful. Regret, sorrow and guilt pooled in her eyes. Suddenly, for the second time today, something clicked inside my head, making everything come together once again.

'You sent the roses?' I questioned.

Darla nodded her head.

'Why? I mean I know we've never been best buds, but what do you have to apologize for?'

Darla's head fell to the floor. For the first time in my life, I felt pity for the blonde-haired woman. Because, whether I liked her in High School or not, we had grown up, we weren't in High school anymore. We belonged to the real world. We weren't teenage girls, we were women. We had families, jobs and homes. We had to put the past behind us. I knew this for certain because I knew it was the only way to the future.

'Sit down, Darla,' I ordered gently.

Her feet dragged across the floor and she plonked down on the chair where Evelyn's car seat had been an hour previously. She met my eyes again.

'I'm so sorry, Buffy, for everything,' Darla apologized.

'What do you mean by everything?'

Darla's perfectly white teeth chewed on her bottom lip, before she gave a shaky breath and parted her lips.

'My cousin, Drusilla, rang up and asked me about you. I had seen you in town with Angel and your big belly. I told her everything I could, every little detail. I didn't know that she was getting me to tell her all this for Spike. So, when he came down a few days later and demanded to use my guest room, I didn't know what to do.'

Darla looked up to see if I was still listening, I gave her a small nod to continue.

'I have a husband, Buffy, and I love him very much. I don't want to hurt him. I didn't want Spike to hurt him. So I let Spike stay. I had no idea what he was doing in the meantime – he came down for dinner then disappeared back upstairs or went out. Then I heard about Willow's house. And I knew. I just knew it was him doing this… I told him to stop. I begged him to let you and your family live in peace. He wouldn't – he said he would blame it on me to the police if I didn't help him.'

'Help him do what?' I asked.

'Help him crash into you,' Darla whispered, bowing her head to the floor.

_I had been so occupied on the phone, my mind entirely racing as I thought of my baby, with my eyes blinded by the hot tears that stung my eyes that my concentration hadn't been on the road as it should have been._

_Through my blurred eyes, I noticed a small figure dressed in black stood on the corner of a side street. With a wave of the figures arm, I noticed a white van swerve around the corner._

The person stood on the corner of the side street, the one who waved their arms moments before the white van crashed into me.

'It was you,' I whispered, remembering the moments leading up the crash. 'You were the small figure on the corner, weren't you?'

Darla nodded. Tears fell from her eyes. She raised a shaky finger and caught them on the tips of her fingers, before wiping them on her silky pants. Her top teeth bit into her bottom lip, chewing it roughly, as another crowd of tears rolled down her now flushed cheeks. It was the first time Buffy had seen Darla so out of control.

'I watched them pull you out of the wreckage. A-a-and I hated myself. You have a little baby who needs you. I prayed to god and hoped you were alright because, truthfully, I didn't want to be the one who took that little girl's mom away from her.'

And maybe if it hadn't been for my own experience, and maybe if I hadn't noticed the same facial expression, then I would have missed the deep guilt and blame plastered across her tear-streaked face. I reached over and cupped her hand with my own, rubbing my thumb across her gentle skin. I felt closer to her than I had felt to anyone since I had arrived back to Sunnydale almost two years ago. I think that was because, unlike my friends and family and Angel, Darla had been in my situation and she was obviously fighting the same battle I had been.

'You lost your baby?' I asked, though I was already aware of the answer.

Darla gave a small nod of her head. 'I was seven months. Only two months before I could have held my baby girl. I fucked up, Buffy, I fucked up real bad.'

'No, you didn't-'

'Yes, I did. I should have been watching the road instead of fussing with my phone. I screwed up. And for the rest of my life I will remember how I didn't protect my daughter,' Darla said, her voice laced with guilt.

'I lost my baby too-' I noticed how Darla looked up with shocked and sympathetic eyes, her tears halting on her cheeks, '-and for so long I blamed myself. Every single moment was about reminding myself what I had lost, what I hadn't protected. And now I've realised that because we're only human … we have no control over any of this.'

Darla brushed away her fallen tears with her spare hand, giving my own hand a gentle squeeze. The sympathy for me still shined deeply in her eyes, however I didn't want it – I was able to understand now, I had found peace in the whole ordeal. Darla let out a sharp breath and gave me a weak smile. It didn't reach her eyes though.

'How did you … you know … get over the whole thing?' she asked unsurely.

'I found forgiveness,' I smiled.

Darla nodded, her eyes unfixed for a moment. I allowed myself to bask in the silent moment by reminding my son's face, the touch of his cheek, and the wise words he had spoken to me. There were two ways I liked to look at it … either it wasn't a dream, it was some sort of wacky supernatural thing, and my unborn child had really forgiven me or it had been all inside my head and I had forgiven myself. Either way, whether it was real or not, I had found peace. And that was all that mattered to me.

'I'm sorry I nearly fucked up your life,' apologized Darla.

I chuckled. 'Don't worry about it. But seriously now, Darla, where is Spike? I want this over now.'

'I have no idea. I dropped him out on his ass before I come here. I don't know where he would have gone now. I'm sorry – I wish I could be more of some help,' she apologized for the second time.

'It's alright. All bad guys get caught eventually – at least on television shows they do,' I said, laughing.

* * *

'Darla?'

Willow, Xander, Cordelia and Angel were all staring at me with wide eyes, looking like I had announced that I wanted to climb the empire state building. Mom's eyes were darting from each of their faces back to mine. Giles was taking a sip of his tea out of a plastic cup, observing the scene before him but saying nothing. Faith sat back in her chair, grinning amusingly at everyone's face. Evelyn sat with me on the bed, cuddled into my chest, playing with a lock of my hair.

'Yes, Darla. For the love of god, guys, can you please close your mouths?' I laughed, rolling my eyes.

'Buffy, I'm seriously worried. I mean, that car crash didn't mess with your head, did it?' asked Xander, placing the back of his cold hand against my forehead.

I slapped it away. 'No, Xander, my head is completely fine and Buffy-like.'

'I trust your judgement, I really do, but she tried to help kill you! Why would you go on a lunch date with her? What happens if she slips something in your food to kill you again,' said Willow.

I laughed. I knew that Darla was deeply regretful for the part she had played in Spike's schemes. I also knew that she was searching for forgiveness, trying to desert the feeling of guilt, and I felt as though it was my job to help her do that. It seemed silly that we hadn't liked each other back in High School, especially as we rarely had spoken then anyway, but we had matured now, putting the past where it belonged.

'Trust me, she needs my help,' I replied, allowing my tone to close the conversation.

Angel reached over and took my hand in his. He wouldn't question me later when the others had gone; neither would he try to find a reason behind my actions … he would merely stand by me like he always did.

'The doctor said you could come home tomorrow night,' Angel told me.

I groaned. I had secretly been hoping that once everyone had arrived and I showed how much I wanted to go home, the doctor would feel sorry for me and let me go home. However, I had no such luck. When I had asked if I would be able to go home tonight, all it took was the word 'no' for me to go in a sulk. Angel was the one who had to go outside with the doctor to find out when I would be released.

'Stupid doctor,' I muttered.

'Now, Buffy, I am sure he has a reason for not letting you go home tonight,' Mom said from her spot in the corner.

'Yeah, B, that or he has the hots for you and wants you to stay another night,' laughed Faith.

I rolled my eyes. I heard a growl slip from Angel's lips, making Faith laugh harder.

'Steady boy!' she said.

After another hour of pointless chatter, the gang decided that it was best for them to go to let me rest, even though I had promised that sleep probably was not on my agenda tonight. Willow gave me a gentle, one-armed hug and promised she would tidy up my house for me and have it ready for when I arrived home. Xander pressed a kiss to my forehead, joking that he would end up breaking me if he hugged me – to which I had replied that I would be stronger than him even if I broke every single bone in my body. Mom pressed a kiss to my cheek, before letting the cool tips of her fingers dance across my forehead, brushing some stray hair back. Giles awkwardly gave me a hug and mumbled a goodbye. Faith pressed a kiss to my forehead, wished me luck, and left. Finally, that left only Angel, Cordelia and Evelyn.

I pressed a kiss to Evelyn's beautiful curls. 'I love you, baba,' I whispered into her hair.

I held her close for a few more minutes, breathing in her delicious baby scent, before sighing. It felt like so long since I had last seen her, since I had last touched her hair, and it hurt to let her go so soon, especially knowing that we wouldn't be in the same house. I loosened my grip on her and allowed Angel to take her off my lap.

However, to my complete surprise, Evelyn began to cry.

'Ma-ma!' she wept hysterically.

I froze.

Her first word.

Angel too looked at Evelyn with surprised eyes, before turning to me with a huge grin plastered over his face. I returned his huge smile. Our baby had just said her first words. The first time I had heard her musical voice say a full, understandable word. I felt like crying. Thankfully I bit forcefully down on my lip and wiped away the hot tears stinging my eyes.

Angel passed Evelyn to Cordelia, who stood out of the way as though she was invading a private moment, and leant down. He kissed me passionately, our tongues dancing, until we gasped for air. I pressed my forehead against his and stared into his brown orbs, wishing that he was able to take me home now.

'I love you,' I said.

'Always,' he replied.

When our moment had been and gone, he straightened up, took Evelyn and left the room, allowing Cordelia to say her goodbye. She bent over and gave me a soft hug, smoothing down my hair.

'I'm glad you're ok, Buffy, I really am. You don't know how it would have destroyed my family if we lost you,' Cordelia said, nodding towards where Angel had just left.

'Thank you, Cordelia,' I replied.

She gave me a soft smile, touched my cheek, before heading towards the door.

'Oh, Cordelia?'

'Yes?'

'Could you bring me a mirror when you visit tomorrow?'

'No, she won't!' I heard Angel shout from the corridor.

'Course I will,' mouthed Cordelia, giggling.

I lay back in my bed, listening to the door click shut behind Cordelia.

For the first time in months, I slept with a smile on my face.

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**Sorry it took so long for a update! I started school last week – coursework and studying is on my mind a lot. And, if I'm being honest, by time I get home from school … I'm so drained that I can't do anything except go to sleep. So, therefore, this update came late.**

**Thank you so much for the reviews. Seriously – you guys are my rock! It means so much to me. I'm glad you all liked the last chapter and was touched by it – it touched me too in some ways. **

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**Hope you liked this chapter!**

**Your writer always,**

**Beth x**


	12. Hidden Desires

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****Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the Dead Until Dark True Blood book I just brought. Everything Buffy related belongs to the wonderful Joss Whedon.**

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**Battlefield.**

**Chapter Twelve: Hidden desires. **

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_Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.__- Maggie Kuhn._

I held my sleeping baby in my arms.

I knew Spikes intention was never to hurt Evelyn, though he had been given the chance. What if it had been someone who took her, someone who didn't want to hurt me, and took their chance in eliminating her? I swore on my life that I would never again give someone the opportunity to let their dirty hands on my baby. I knew that Angel would destroy them if they did, just as I knew that he was intending on getting revenge on Spike for the harm he had caused to our family. This time I didn't even try to talk him out of his payback because I knew that Angel wouldn't listen, no matter how much I protested against his actions. Spike had abducted our child _and _put me in the hospital – how did someone like that not deserve at least some sort of punishment? Even Willow, who would never lay a hand on anyone, had expressed that she wouldn't turn down the offer to punch Spike.

'Buffy, she isn't going anywhere,' I heard Angel whisper.

I looked up to see him towering over me from behind the sofa, his palms resting lightly on my shoulders, as he gave me a firm look. After picking me up from the hospital, a few hours earlier than intended as I had begged the doctor to let me go, I had came through the front door and had been cradling Evelyn ever since. Hell, I hadn't even looked in a mirror yet, despite the curiosity that was welled up inside of me. I just wanted to feast my eyes on my baby, my precious baby.

'I know. And I know getting out of that accident alive-'

'Alive? Buffy, you're a survivor. Even if it had been worse than that, you would have survived. It wouldn't have even surprised me if you came back from the dead,' interrupted Angel.

The softness of his hands escaped my exposed shoulder as he walked around and took a seat beside me on the sofa. I released one of my hands from Evelyn's body, balancing her on my knee and cradling her with my other arm, and let Angel wrap his fingers around my own. I felt him give me a soft, reassuring squeeze.

'I don't think I'm that strong,' I said, smiling slightly.

'Hey, you are. You're strong, you're beautiful, you're determined. You're my girl,' Angel whispered, pressing his smooth lips to the skin of my hand. 'And we'll get through this, I promise you.'

'I believe you,' I said.

I leant my head on his shoulder, letting him wrap his arms around my waist, and fell into a gentle, peaceful slumber.

* * *

I let the tips of my fingers slide across the coolness of the mirror.

My face was covered in varied colours, shades of deep purple and a sickish yellow mingled together, with red-rimmed cuts littered across my sun-kissed skin. My face was barely recognizable, except my eyes – they still shined with a newly found determination. Because last night, when I fell asleep with my daughter and soul mate on the sofa, my mind had wandered into my subconscious to have a peek at what I wanted but would never consciously admit. And I found, after a very desiring dream, that I wanted to move out of Sunnydale. I wanted to start a new life away from this place that, like Michigan, had now been tainted with the darkness of my past that I had been forever running from. I had been too coward to voice this idea to Angel after he woke up, though, like looking in the mirror at the stranger staring back, I would work up the courage soon.

'You okay?'

I hadn't even heard Willow enter the house, never mind the bathroom. I looked at her in the mirror and gave her a reassuring smile, easing her tensed face. Sky held onto her hand, a lollypop clutched in her hand, as she started up at me, her red hair tied up in two amazingly adorable ponytails. Every time I saw Sky it seemed like she had aged wildly, evolving more into a mixture of her mother and father, except with her own unique smile.

'Aunty Buff Buff, why you're face so many colours?' she asked innocently.

Willow's eyes widened as she turned to her daughter. 'Sky! You do not –'

'No, Willow, its okay,' I said, noticing the tears pooling in Sky's eyes already. 'I was in an accident, honey, and I got a boo-boo. I'm fine, don't worry,' I smiled to Sky, crouching down to her level.

Sky nodded tearfully, before flinging herself on me, her arms fastening tightly around my neck, too tightly for an average toddler. I chuckled and rubbed her back. I met Willow's eyes and waved off the apology that she mouthed guiltily. Sky was just a curious young girl, who had barely seen the world, and how could I be angry at her for questioning everything around her?

'Sky, would you like to go watch Cartoons downstairs?' questioned Willow, patting her daughter's red head.

Sky released me slowly and looked up at her Mom in glee, almost dropping her lolly. 'Can I mommy?! Please!'

'If Aunty Buff doesn't mind,' Willow smiled.

'Course you can, Sky,' I answered before Sky could even turn around. 'Go ask Grandma Joyce to put it on downstairs.'

Sky nodded, squealed loudly, before running out of the room as fast as she could, shouting out for "Grandma Joy!"

I couldn't help but laugh at my god-daughter.

'How are you?' Willow asked, taking a seat on the edge of the bath tub.

My laughter ceased as I leant against the wall, studying my best friend. It still seemed so unreal that a single person could make you feel so strong, that a single person could stand by your side through everything, and that you could never be more proud of that single person to call them your best friend.

'I'm fine, Will,' I said nonchalantly.

'What possessed you to look in the mirror?'

'Knowing that I've seen worse. I've seen my face in the same condition before, Will, and … it doesn't scare me anymore,' I replied, letting the tips of my fingers graze against my cheek.

Willow's eyes were glazed with a sympathetic look. Before I could turn even an inch back towards the mirror, she had rose to her feet and pulled me into a tight hug, burying her face into the crook of my neck. It had been a long time since we had last hugged like this, probably all the way back to Graduation Day when I hugged her, knowing I was leaving Sunnydale with Spike.

And now I was going to leave Sunnydale behind again. I was going to leave Willow, Xander, Giles, Faith, Cordelia and my Mom all behind once again. Except, unlike last time, I was trying to protect my daughter, to get her away from a place that held too much conflict for me to ever live peacefully again. It was unfair – especially on Angel – though I felt like it was something that needed to be done. For the sake of our family.

As I released myself from Willow's grasp, I found myself scanning her face.

She looked slightly paler than usual, a greenish tint to her skin, though her face blossomed with a secret shine of glee. There was something she wasn't telling me, I could tell …

However, before I could question her, I noticed she too was searching my face. And if she could read me like I could read her, she too would know that I was hiding something as well. I was just glad that she didn't know what. I wasn't prepared to tell Willow yet that I was leaving Sunnydale for the second time, leaving her and her family behind, and I knew it would kill me when the time did come, no matter how hard I tried to prolong it.

'I'm so glad you're home, Buffy. Don't worry, we'll get through this,' comforted Willow.

How long would I be able to call this my home though?

* * *

That night Angel sat downstairs, watching a movie on the television, whilst I listened to Faith's version of how she found Evelyn. Apparently Angel had called her shortly after he heard the accident and told Faith to go search for Evelyn, claiming that Spike had taken her and something horrible had obviously happened to me. Just as Faith had swung open the door and was about to march out, she found Evelyn on the doorstep, peacefully asleep without a single scratch on her. She brought Evelyn in and rung Angel immediately, letting him know that she had found his daughter safe and sound. It was then whilst on the phone that she first saw the piece of paper in Evelyn's car seat. In fact, she had been so enthralled by the words printed on the paper that she had barely heard Angel tell her I had been in a car accident.

'And then I rushed to the hospital with Evelyn,' finished Faith, clapping her hands together and leaning against the wall.

I nodded my head.

'Listen, B, I'm going to head down to The Bronze to blow off some steam, want to join?' she asked.

She jumped up and grabbed her leather jacket off the end of her bed, shrugging into it. I too rose to my feet, stretching my arms above my head to relieve some of the stiffness.

'I'm good, thanks. I think I'm going to join Angel downstairs,' I said.

Faith pulled a face, as though to say I was boring and needed some fun, but didn't say anything. We both stepped out of her room and descended the stairs. Evelyn was put to bed, the baby monitor by her side with the other one securely besides Angel. We were taking no risks now. I could not afford to let Evelyn get in the hands of that monster again. And my Mom was happily ironing in her guest room, deciding that she was tired of not having anything to do. I knew that she missed her own home, even if she visited it occasionally to get the post and some laundry, and I felt immensely guilty for keeping her trapped here like an animal, though I only had her safety in mind. And as soon as Spike was caught, she would be able to return to her home and hopefully never have to be parted from it again under the circumstances of Spike.

'Who are you going to the Bronze with?' I asked as we reached the final step.

'I think I will drag Cordelia and Xander with me,' she grinned.

I wished her good luck, knowing full well that Cordelia was out visiting her father tonight and Xander would refuse the invitation instantly, and watched as she left the house, shouting goodbye to Angel as she went. The door slammed behind her a few moments later.

I shuffled over to Angel and sprawled out on the sofa next to him, my eyes never leaving his face. As soon as the adverts came on, his eyes flashed to mine. Instantly he smirked.

'What do you want, Buffy? You have that look on your face that means you want something,' said Angel.

'Geez, Mom! Sorry, forgot I was sixteen again.' I stuck my tongue out.

His lips pulled up at the corners slightly, a hint of his dazzling smile shining through. 'No, seriously … what do you want?'

I bit down hard on my bottom lip. I had decided to come clean with my proposal on moving, even if for the first time in years I felt butterflies in my stomach, but all the courage I had mustered up seemed to vanish as Angel x-rayed me with his deep brown orbs. I took a deep breath. What if he didn't want to move? Would he tell me to go without him? Could I cope as a single mother? All these worries had me blurting out my request in a second.

'A new house.'

Unexpectedly, Angel didn't look as surprised as I had thought. His brows furrowed for a moment before straightening out, a look of resolve on his face.

'Okay, I guess we could get a new house … it makes sense. I saw this house up for sale near Willow's and –'

And I suddenly understood why he hadn't looked surprised. Okay, I had to admit that I hadn't expressed what I wanted very clearly; therefore I could understand why he thought I meant a new house here in Sunnydale. I gave him a weak smile, shaking my head softly.

'Not in Sunnydale, Angel,' I interrupted.

His face dropped. The surprise I had been looking for from the start fell on his face.

'Oh. Where?' Angel questioned.

His brow furrowed once more.

'Los Angeles… maybe somewhere else. I don't know, just somewhere away from here,' I answered, capturing the flesh of my lip between my top teeth.

His face twisted between emotions: surprised, confused, and worried … before finally resting on understanding.

'You don't want to stay here after everything that has happened?' he guessed.

I nodded. 'I want to get away from here, somewhere that won't haunt me. I want to give Evelyn a proper childhood,' I said.

'But wouldn't she get a decent childhood here? Come on, I mean, Sky will probably be her friend … and her grandma is here and her aunts and godparents … _everyone _she needs is here,' Angel said, shaking his head.

'I know it's selfish, I do, but I don't want to be here anymore. Believe me when I say that I wouldn't be asking for this if I wasn't serious.'

'I need to sleep on it,' declared Angel.

He rose from his seat and headed immediately to the stairs.

'Angel, please I-'

'I'll see you in the morning.'

And a few moments later, the door slammed shut.

* * *

_I sat on the bench outside school, my eyes scanning the yard, as the many students rushed past me, heading towards their cars. _

_It was the end of the day. Another school day over. However, for the third time that week, I was waiting for Spike again. Most of my friends had left by now, so I was forced to spend the time waiting alone. I never knew what kept Spike so long, never did I want to ask, but I found that whatever he was doing that was keeping him so long … it was pissing me off. But I loved him, so I waited._

_As the cars pulled out of the school car park and sped away, I realised that only a handful of students now remained on school grounds. I jumped up off the bench and began to pace, my eyes repeatedly glancing at the watch on my right wrist. Every minute or so I would sigh in frustration. My head began to throb as the hot California sun shone down on my face. Suddenly, a hand rested on my shoulder._

_I gave a sigh of relief. Thank god, Spike was here now._

_I spun around to find not Spike stood there, but Angel. _

_I couldn't help but return his grin. Angel was a close friend of mine. He was someone who always protected me, flirted with me, and made me feel happy. He had this warm personality that could immediately brighten up someone's day. I was proud to call this handsome boy one of my closest friends._

'_Hey Buff, what you still doing here?' he asked, eyeing me in surprise._

'_Waiting for Spike. Have you seen him?' I replied, letting the anger colour my tone. _

_Angel instantly bit down on his lip, averting his gaze from mine. _

'_Just tell me, Angel,' I sighed, placing my hands on my hips. 'I'm already in a pissy mood, it doesn't matter. Has he got an hour's detention or something?'_

_Angel frowned sympathetically. 'No, he left like fifteen minutes ago.'_

_My hands screwed up into tights fists, my knuckles whitening, as my teeth gritted together. HE HAD LEFT ALREADY? If it had been anyone but Angel, I would have knocked their two front teeth down their throat. And, to make matters worse, we had been supposed to be getting a ride from one of his friends, so seen as only Angel's car was left in the parking lot … I guess that left me to walk home._

_Angel too seemed to draw to this conclusion as his eyes continued to drink me in. 'I can give you a ride home, Buffy. It's not safe for a pretty girl like you to be walking the streets.'_

_I snorted and punched him in the shoulder. 'Do I look like one of those weak, blondes who are the first to get killed in horror movies? Nope, I do not!'_

_Angel laughed as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, dragging me towards his car._

_I owed Angel a lot. He was always there to catch me when I fall._

I awoke with a smile on my face.

I remembered that day of High School. Spike had left without me, though he had apologised heart-heartedly later, and Angel had been the one to make sure I had arrived home safely. It was always like Angel to protect me, even if it was more of Spike's job than his. I guess I had been blind back then to not realise my soul mate was right in front of me the whole time.

As I sat up on the sofa, massaging my stiff neck, I realised something …

I would always be with Angel, wherever he was. So if moving was something that he didn't want then I would remain in Sunnydale right by his side.

Because that is what soul mates do.

* * *

**THANKS SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! IT MEANS SUCH A LOT TO ME! **

**I know some of you were probably expecting drama – I understand. But can you blame me for wanting to prolong this story? I really don't want it to end. **

**Yes, Buffy wants to move. Will Angel agree & will they move? Or will he disagree & will they stay? What is Willow hiding? And has Spike really just vanished into thin air?**

**By the way – another one shot of mine for you to read if you want – it is called Your Girl Always. Check it out and let me know what you think!**

**Thanks again!**

**Your writer always,**

**Beth x**


	13. Unexpected Surprises

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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my school crap I bought for my coursework. Everything Buffy related belongs to the wonderful Joss Whedon.**

* * *

**Battlefield.**

**Chapter Thirteen: Unexpected Surprises. **

* * *

_"Oh yes, the past can hurt. But, you can either run from it or, learn from it."__-The Lion King_

My hand continued to hover across the back of my sore neck, stroking it as though it was a magic lamp, as I tip-toed up the stairs. The top step creaked under the sudden pressure of my weight. Heading in the direction of my room, I become aware of the fact that I was still wearing the jeans and loose t-shirt I had worn on my return from the hospital. The sudden realization made my legs feel warm and sweaty.

I slid through the door and hovered quietly beside it.

Evelyn was wrapped up in her cot, surrounded by her Winnie the Pooh teddy bears, with a soft pink blanket gently draped across her. I smiled as I noticed her tiny thumb was secured in her mouth. Her chest rose and fell slowly. Each rise and fall of her chest reminded me that she was still breathing, she was still here and she was still safe. It reminded me how precious every significant breath of hers was.

Angel was spread widely across the bed, both arms hung over either side of the mattress, enjoying the space that I usually occupied. As always, his lips were parted slightly, his tongue lolled out. The bed covers hid his lower half, though revealed the flesh of his back. Permanently staining the skin across his shoulder blade for all eternity was a tattoo of a gryphon holding the letter A. I had never questioned when Angel had gotten this permanent marking etched upon his skin; however I presumed it was during my absence when I lived in Michigan. I had also never asked Angel why he had specifically had that design done. I guess there were some things that were to remain private. There had been a few times when I myself had considered getting Angel and Evelyn's names tattooed on both of my wrists, although even though I was nearing the age of twenty five I knew my Mother would still disapprove.

I shimmied out of my jeans and threw them into the corner of the room. Quietly sneaking across towards my side of the bed, I grabbed a pair of loose pyjama pants from my bedside drawers and pulled them on. I then leant across the bed and pushed Angel onto to his side of our king size bed. With mild success, I snuggled into the warm covers, allowing a soft smile to grace over my bruised face as his arms encircled around my waist. I allowed my head to hit the soft pillow, taking in the way my head moulded into it unlike the uncomfortable hospital pillows, and hugged myself into Angel's side.

However, before slumber could sweep me up off my feet, I heard the front door burst open loudly downstairs.

* * *

I held a screeching Evelyn in my arms, bobbing her up and down, as I tried my hardest not to fall down the stairs. Angel was in front of me, already at the bottom of the stairs in his total protective mode. I could almost imagine him clutching a baseball bat in his hands. I lingered at the top of the stairs, trying my utter hardest to soothe Evelyn, when I realised that my Mother had also joined me mid-way down the stairs.

'Honey, what's going on?' she mumbled, sleep thick in her voice.

'Nothing, Mom, go back to bed,' I replied in a hush tone.

Except before she could shake off my request – as I knew she would - I heard Angel breathe a sigh of relief.

'It's only Faith,' he called up to me.

Faith? What was Faith doing- oh no.

I suddenly remembered that Faith had left earlier to go "blow off steam" at the Bronze. With this realization, the rest of the story became solved. Descending further down the stairs, I saw Faith lay across the floor in front of the door, her face pressed against the laminate flooring.

'Drunk?' I said, already fully aware of the answer.

'As drunk as a skunk,' answered Angel.

'I'm going to kill her when she's sober,' I growled before marching back up the stairs, my crying daughter still securely wrapped in my comforting arms.

I returned back into my room, shutting the door closed behind me, and took a seat on the edge of my bed. Finally after humming a soft melody for a few minutes, Evelyn drifted back into her peaceful slumber. I pressed a kiss to her forehead, inhaling her wonderful and exotic scent, before laying her back in her cot, gently placing her blanket over her for warmth. As I observed her from my stance beside her cot, it didn't surprise me to see her thumb find its place in her mouth once more.

'I put Faith to bed,' I heard him say from the door. I didn't even know he had been stood there.

A small click erupted the silence and I realised he had closed the door.

'Your Mom is back in bed to. She's just thankful it wasn't a burglar,' chuckled Angel.

The squeak of mattress springs. He was back in bed.

With one last loving glance at my daughter, I turned and welcomed the warmth of my bed once again that night – or morning, whichever way you look at it.

I lay flat on my back, staring up at the ceiling.

'I thought about your offer,' said Angel.

'Angel, listen –'

'No, Buffy, you listen. I never even thought that this place was too difficult for you to live in; I never saw it that way. It always has been my home. But I realised when I come up here that home is where your heart is … and my heart is with you and Evelyn. So, if you want to move, if you think you'll be happier, then we can. We'll move away from here.'

I felt his hand squeeze clasp around mine, his thumb stroking across the smooth skin of my hand.

'I can't be anywhere that you aren't,' he whispered before his lips crashed upon mine.

And the deal was sealed with a kiss.

* * *

'Thanks Buff,' Xander said in a hushed tone.

'You don't need to thank me, you know I would do anything for you,' I replied.

We stood in front of grey stone that was surrounded by bright, enchanting flowers that gave the sad atmosphere a slight warmth. Pieces of paper were tucked under the gravestone; they were left unread, merely there to show their love for the deceased. Piled up in the same place were almost one hundred plastic roses.

_**Anya Christina Emmanuella Jenkins.**_

_**4**__**th**__** July 1983 – 28**__**th**__** September 2005. **_

**"_Non est ad astra mollis e terris via."_**

_**Eternally loved and missed.**_

'What does it mean?' I asked as my eyes scanned over the unreadable words.

'It means "there is no easy way from the earth to the stars"' he replied.

I nodded, turning my attention back to the gravestone.

Anya had been so full of life, so quirky and bubbly, and to think that she was beneath the earth, bones now or even dust, it made my stomach quench painfully. She had been so different from everyone else – totally one of a kind – and I knew she would be remembered as vividly as though she was still upon us. I could still remember the way she could make even the toughest of people squirm, make a whole room uncomfortable with some of the things she said, and even now I could smile at the fact that we had been lucky enough to know her in the first place.

I took Xander's hand in my own, intertwining my frozen fingers with his. I felt the warmth radiating from his skin as he gave me a barely noticeable squeeze.

I could feel my heart throbbing painfully for Xander.

He had lost Anya before they could even be joined together as husband and wife. All the planning, all the excitement surrounding the event, had been for nothing. It was cruel of the high heavens to play them like that – though fate would always be cruel and torturing. I remembered how Mom told me she had been preparing the wedding with Anya the day before she died. One minute she was there, the next she was just a lifeless shell. I couldn't understand.

'I put plastic roses there because …' Xander's voice broke slightly.

I rubbed my thumb along his rough skin.

'Because they will never die, just like my love for her,' Xander said, his voice no more than a whisper. 'God, I sound so corny-'

'No, it's beautiful,' I interrupted, feeling hot tears prick my eyes.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Xander raise his other hand and wipe away a few gathered tears. I released his hand and turned, wrapping my arms around his waist. His arms wrapped around my shoulders, his face burying into the crook of my neck. We simply stood there, tears rolling down our flushed cheeks, as memories of Anya played non-stop through our heads. The good times, the bad times, the awkward times – every single moment that I could conjure up from the back of my mind.

'I'm so glad you're here, Buffster. I'm so glad you came back to Sunnydale, I don't know how I'd cope if you ever left again,' whispered Xander.

And suddenly, for a whole new different reason, a new batch of tears poured down my face.

* * *

'Are you going to come in for some coffee?' I questioned as Xander pulled up outside my house.

'Yeah, it looks like everyone is here anyway so I might as well,' he replied.

I turned my head and found a line of cars parked across the drive. I had been so busied by my overwhelming thoughts that I hadn't realised half of the street had been taken up by the visitors to my house. I unbuckled my seat belt, threw open the door and jumped out.

'Didn't know you were opening a hotel, Buff,' chuckled Xander as he noticed my surprised look.

'Huh, me neither,' I laughed back.

We walked up the garden path in silence. I was mentally naming each car that surrounded my house: Cordelia, Willow and Oz, Angel, Faith, Giles and now Xander's. Full house it seemed. My lips pouted slightly as I pondered on what would bring the whole of my family together. Suddenly, I felt a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.

'Spike,' I whispered.

Before I could contemplate what I was doing, I sprinted across the garden and up towards the door, leaving a very baffled Xander hot on my trail.

Spike was something that would bring all of my family together. What had he done this time? Had he hurt someone? Oh no, what if he had taken Sky like he had taken Evelyn. I would never forgive myself if something happened to Willow and Oz's daughter – it would be my entire fault for bringing my soggy past back here in this beautiful, light town. As I through open the front door, I realised that if something had happened then wouldn't they have called? My cell hadn't rung once.

'Love,' greeted Angel, rising to his feet.

'What's happened?' I questioned.

Looking around at my family, I realised no one seemed distressed or worried – just … curious? I heard Xander shut the door behind him, mumbling something about "has she been secretly working out?" under his breath. I scanned the sitting room …

Willow and Oz were sat on the large leather sofa; Sky perched on their knee with one of her dolls. Both of them seemed to be glowing. Mom sat besides her, listening as Sky rambled on about the new dolls pram she wanted for Christmas, whilst her eyes darted towards me every now and again. Cordelia sat on the arm of the sofa, looking at me as though I had just run in the room naked as she twirled her fingers around Evelyn's curls. Whilst Giles seemed to be flicking through a catalogue perched on his lap. Faith was nowhere to be seen, however I guessed she was upstairs sporting a terrible hangover.

'I was going to ring you but I decided it was best not to,' Angel whispered, giving a slight nod in Xander's direction.

Xander perched on the other end of the sofa, greeting Giles who had put down the catalogue.

'Ah, Buffy, I'm glad to see you are fit and well again,' smiled Giles, rolling up his sleeves. 'I deeply apologize for not visiting you in the, erm, hospital … you see I had been visiting Fred and Wesley at the time.'

I waved him off. 'Don't worry about it, Giles – I'm as fit as a fiddle.'

I noticed his eyes peering over my bruises.

'Ok, maybe I'm a slightly black and blue fiddle … but it's all good. Anyway, why are you all here?' I questioned. Though, upon noticing how rude I sounded I added 'Not that I don't want to you be here.'

I heard everyone chuckle as I took a seat on the rug, noticing that the sofas had been taken up by my guests. Angel leant against the wall, looking as puzzled as me when I flashed him a questioning look. Obviously he hadn't been the one to call this little cosy gathering. Sky slid off Willow's knee and toddled over to me, collapsing on my lap. She showed me her doll with much enthusiasm and I made her a promise that I would buy her another doll for Christmas.

'It was Oz and I who called this gathering of some sorts,' Willow said, breaking the silence.

Soon enough everyone was looking at Willow and Oz with curious and somewhat slightly puzzled glances.

'You're not dying, are you?' questioned Cordelia.

I laughed quietly when I saw Angel roll his eyes. Sky shifted in my lap, mumbling something to her doll.

'No,' laughed Oz, rubbing Willow's arm.

'Thank god! Black isn't in fashion at the moment you see,' explained Cordelia as though she had suddenly gained wisdom.

'Yeah, maybe you should explain that to your brother then,' said Xander, laughing and nodding towards Angel's black jeans.

Mom and Giles sagged into the sofa, understanding that this wasn't their area of expertise. Angel, who was glaring daggers at his sister and Xander, inclined his head towards Willow.

'As you were saying, Willow,' he said through gritted teeth.

I suddenly noticed the huge smile plastered on the happy couples face, their fingers intertwined, with a sort of barely visible glow surrounding them like a bright light.

'Everyone, we're having a baby!'

* * *

'I wasn't there for her in first pregnancy, I _need _to be here for this one,' I said.

I had decided, since Willow had broken the news about her second pregnancy, that moving out of Sunnydale was a bad idea. Even though I wanted more than anything to get away from this place, I realised that I couldn't leave behind everything I cherished here. I hadn't been there for Willow when she was pregnant with Sky, though she had been there for me when I was pregnant with Evelyn. She had helped me so much through the long nine months and I owed her more than I could ever give her. Staying here to help with this pregnancy was the best I could do.

'I understand love,' replied Angel, following me into Evelyn's room.

Evelyn was placed on Angel's hip, her tiny fists squeezed tightly together as she clung onto the fabric of her daddy's t-shirt. She looked tired; however she was being a little trooper and refused to give in. Instead of putting her to bed, Angel decided to let her stay up until I had collected all the dirty laundry.

'We could still move you know,' Angel said a few moments later.

I looked up at him puzzled as I dumped Evelyn's dirty clothes into the washing basket.

'The house near Willow's is still up for sale,' hinted Angel, repositioning our daughter on his hip as she slid down slightly. 'You'd be much closer to Willow and it isn't far from your Mom's house either.'

He was right. We would still be able to move and benefit from it. I knew being closer to Willow was something I wanted, especially through her pregnancy, and I couldn't find fault in this option anywhere. A smile unfolded across my face. Angel returned it – already knowing that I was accepting his request.

'Faith could buy this house off us, you know,' I said as I sauntered out of the room, heading to Faith's guest room.

'You're right. It's like she lives here anyway,' Angel replied.

I nodded as I pushed open Faith's door with my foot, juggling the washing basket in my arms.

Faith had gone with my Mom grocery shopping after finding out we had run out of pain killers. She swore she was never going to drink again as she shuffled out of the door – I wondered how long that would last. As I stepped inside her room, my eyes nearly popped out of my sockets when I realised how clean it was. I had been expecting a total shit tip and here it was all clean and tidy. Only at least two days worth of clothes were strung across the floor along with a few pairs of underwear.

'I'm going to bath Evelyn, Buffy,' I heard Angel shout from down the hall.

'Good luck!' I shouted back, amusement evident in my tone.

Evelyn hated her baths – I couldn't think of one time when she hadn't screamed bloody murder when the water touched her skin. I remembered the first time I had ever bathed her and she cried for hours non stop, I ended up crying myself and needed my own Mother to come round to calm both me and my daughter.

I bent down, dropping the washing basket beside me, and began to gather up Faith's clothes.

As I put her leather pants from last night in the basket, I noticed a piece of paper fall out of the pocket.

Wondering if Faith had scored last night and got some hotties number, I opened up the folded piece of paper in curiosity.

_If you want this all to stop, meet me alone at my old flat._

_Come alone. I will know if you don't._

_Spike. _

The piece of paper fell out of my hand.

That was not what I was expecting …

* * *

**WAHEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!**

**Sorry, good mood!**

**Anyway, there we go – drama ensured! **

**Whoever said Willow was pregnant – you were right! A golden star to those who said it! **

**I really can't see this story lasting for more than five chapters and I'm very very upset :(**

**I wish it would last forever. **

***Sigh***

**Anyway, seen as there are only a few chapters left, please please please would you review? Pretty please!**

**Lots of love!**

**Your writer always,**

**Beth x**


	14. Our Forever Is Over

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**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my new foundation and Heat Magazine. Everything Buffy related belongs to the wonderful Joss Whedon.**

* * *

**Battlefield.**

**Chapter Fourteen: Our forever is over. **

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_Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness, heart, talent, guts. That's what little girls are made of; the heck with sugar and spice – Bethany Hamilton. _

I toyed with the piece of paper for some time, rereading the limited words until they were etched front and centre in my brain, until Angel stalked into Faith's room, announcing that he had bathed our child with lots of fuss. I almost smiled at the pride in his voice. Stuffing the paper into my pocket when Angel had his eyes elsewhere, I grabbed the washing basket and left Faiths room. Meanwhile, as I headed downstairs, I could feel my heart pounding furiously in my chest.

I knew what I had to do. I had known since my eyes had first allowed the roughly scribbled words to sink into my mind.

Whenever I spilt something – milk, water, food, anything that was able to be spilt – my Mom always taught me to clean it up without asking her to do it. It was funny how life was like that as well – you make a mess, you clean it up yourself. I suddenly found myself thanking Mom for her unrecognizable-at-the-time life lessons.

I dumped the basket on the kitchen table and left it there as I headed back upstairs. I was positive that later on Mom would scold me for just dumping it there without bothering to unload the dirty washing into the washing machine, though at the moment I couldn't care less. I returned back upstairs just in time to see Angel put the final article of clothing on Evelyn's now dry body. She wasn't struggling, which surprised me, although I guessed that she had tired herself out from all the fuss she had given her Daddy in the bathroom. As soon as she was fully clothed, I swept her out of his arms and cuddled her to my chest. Angel stood up, the soaked towel bundled in his arm, and pressed a kiss to each of our foreheads. After he left the room, I pressed my nose to Evelyn's hair, breathing in her breathtaking scent.

'Mommy loves you so much,' I whispered as I walked over to her cot, 'and I'm doing this to protect you.'

Cradling her in one arm, I used the other to retract the piece of paper from Spike. Unfolding it with unsteady fingers, I bent down and placed it across the bottom of her cot.

I pressed one more kiss to my daughters head. 'I love you. I will _always _love you. This is the work that I have to do.'

I lay her down on top of the note, hiding it beneath her body, and took a step backwards to admire my gorgeous child.

As soon as I had decided to meet Spike at his old flat, I devised up a plan. Spike would know if I brought Angel with me, who I knew all along would be my backup if there ever did come a time when Spike would want us to meet, and I didn't doubt for a second that he was probably just bragging when he said he would know if I came alone or not, though Spike was sly and scheming and I didn't want to test him. So I thought … what if Angel came _after _I already arrived alone? Spike would never know that he was about to come, even Angel wouldn't know he was coming until after I had already left.

I grabbed my jacket from the bedpost and pulled it on. With one last glance at Evelyn, I threw open the bedroom door and headed downstairs.

As I had thought, Mom and Faith were both unpacking the groceries in the kitchen. Angel was sprawled out across the sofa, remote in hand, flicking through the channels. I walked over and pressed a kiss in his hair.

'I'm going out,' I said, turning my back on him and walking towards the door.

'Where?' Angel asked. Curiosity was evident in his tone.

'Just out,' I answered lamely.

My hand fell on the door knob. 'Angel, please remember to feed Evelyn in about half an hour.'

'Sure, but Buffy –'

The rest of his sentence was cut off as I shut the door behind me.

* * *

I was once again stood in front of the oak door, breathing in the same musty smell that had caused me to wrinkle my nose in pure disgust last time. The door was as dusty and unappealing as it was the previous time I visited. I took in a deep breath, gagging slightly at the awful smell, before allowing the tips of my fingers to push against the mouldy door. Unlike last time, it opened with a slight creek. There was no need for me to kick it open unfortunately.

And once again I was greeted by the outstanding cluttered mess that was Spike's flat. The same pizzas boxes still occupied the floor besides the foul and uncomfortable sofa. Everything that had littered the floor on my last visit – clothing, the shattered glass that used to be beer bottles, stripped wallpaper, and newspapers – was still in its original place, untouched. The only difference to the unattractive flat was the cheap coffee table was now stood upright in front of the sofa with a mug of some sort of liquid inside and the television had returned back to its place on the wooden cabinet. Over my shoulder, I glanced towards the back of the door. The picture of us in high school that I had smashed was no longer there.

'It's rude to just walk straight in, niblet,' I heard him say.

I had been unable to remember how his voice sounded all these years, now the memory of its hardness and how it always sounded mocking hit me like a slap to the face. In High school, all those many years ago that seem like a totally different lifetime, his voice was always soft and loving. How unrecognizable it was now.

'Like I was going to knock,' I replied, keeping my back to him.

Knocking on the door would have given him power, as though I needed him to open the door to allow myself in. It would make him feel in control. He wasn't in control, unknown to him … I had this game in the bag.

'I hope you teach little Evelyn her manners,' Spike mocked.

And I snapped as he knew I would.

I spun around, my teeth clenched, fists curled tightly. His piercing blue eyes found my hazel ones – he was laughing inside, I was furious. He was taller than me, as always, and I guessed he had maybe grown slightly more since the last time I had seen him. He was leant up against the wall; his hands shoved in his black combats pockets, with no shirt on to my dismay. His skin was the same colourless paleness that he had always moaned about. Once upon a time, I found that I loved how pale he was because it helped his beautiful eyes stand out. Now everything about him made me sick to the stomach.

'Don't you dare say her name,' I hissed.

I felt like wiping the smirk straight off his face. However I then remembered that Angel would be arriving within the next half an hour, I needed to leave him something of Spike that he could release his stress on. I gritted my teeth together, unravelled my iron clad fists, and took a steady breath.

'What do you want, Spike? Why did you drag me all the way down here?' I questioned as controllably as I could.

His smirk instantly vanished, along with the mocking vibe. A frown settled upon his pale face as he let out a small sigh. He seemed to struggle for words for a moment, as though they were choking him, before his lips parted and his now calm voice filled the silence.

'I want you back, Buffy,' he spoke clearly with pure determination.

My eyes widened.

'I don't want you though. You think ruining my best friends house, drawing creepy pictures of my Mom and abducting my daughter is going to make me run back into your arms like a fairytale? I've got news for you – my life is like a horror movie thanks to you.'

I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that he would torture me in the most horrible ways, yet want me back. Over time he must have lost part of his sanity because this wasn't the same boy I fell in love with all those years ago.

'You want me, Buffy … you've always wanted me,' Spike said.

'Sure, I wanted you when I hit puberty but I'm in love with Angel, Spike, not you,' I replied honestly.

Spike's nose screwed up in disgust, as though my choice of soul mate made him want to vomit. I almost felt like rolling my eyes.

'Angel?' he questioned in his usual mocking tone. 'Pfft. That pillock doesn't love you … not as much as I do.'

Spike comparing his love for me to Angel's was the most hilarious thing I had ever heard. I couldn't even stop myself this time as a loud bark of laughter erupted from my mouth, startling Spike and succeeding in making me laugh even more. But after I had sobered up from the hilarity, the seriousness of the conversation overpowered me … and nothing was funny anymore.

'That pillock,' I spat, 'didn't rape me and kill our child. Angel loves me more than you cold heart will ever be capable of.'

After seeking forgiveness from my son, even if it was only in my mind, I had found that I was able to recall upon my past with strength now. My throat was unblocked and I could speak clearly of it. I now was able to understand that it had never been my fault, no matter how much I had allowed myself to think it was, it was more of Spike's fault than it ever was mine.

And suddenly, before I could predict what he was about to do, Spike fell to his knees in front of me and clasped my hand in his strong one. I tried to wriggle for freedom but freedom did not come.

'I've changed, Buffy. I swear, I'm a changed man now,' Spike whispered, begging for me to understand.

I merely snorted. 'Changed man? You've just spent months making my life hell on earth. Fuck sake, Spike, you could have killed me in that car accident!" I yelled for the first time since entering the vile flat.

People don't really change, we like to believe they do, but they don't. I think our thoughts, feelings and opinions obviously can, though the person themselves can't. Most people try to fool themselves that someone has changed – their cheating husbands, their rebellious children, their untrustworthy friends – and they are so blinded by what they want to see, that they don't see the true person actually there. Sometimes saying people have changed is just an excuse to understand their behaviour better. Me personally though, I don't believe anyone can change … not from who they truly are. My beliefs helped me in a time like this because I knew that I would _never _believe Spike had changed and I wouldn't try to fool myself like some many others.

'You can go straight to hell if you think I'm going to believe that bull shit,' I hissed, allowing myself to quickly pull my hand out of his as his grip loosened.

'I know that I'm a monster, but you make me feel like a man-'

'Urgh, Spike! Get it into your frickin' head! You are a monster, you're sick – you totally knock me sick! You raped me and then you smacked me in the face and I fell, Spike! I FELL DOWN THEM FUCKING STAIRS AND NO ONE WAS THERE TO CATCH ME! AND YOU KILLED OUR BABY! _OUR _BABY, SPIKE! THEN YOU COME HERE AND YOU RUIN EVERYTHING I'VE BUILT! YOU DESERVE TO ROT IN FUCKING HELL. YOU ARE A MONSTER!'

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest rapidly. Spike hadn't moved throughout my outburst; he just stood there, his narrowed eyes staring at me in a creepy sort of way. Every single emotion, every single word, that had been pent up since my departure from Michigan had been released finally … and it felt great! I knew I had never lost control in that way before, however at the moment I couldn't care because it was Spike – murderer of my child, murderer of my happiness, murderer of my life.

I saw Spike's hands trembling in fury, his eyes leaking all the fury he was experiencing within … and like a volcano, I knew he would erupt.

'You know it's true, Spike – don't fight it. We weren't right since High School; it all fell to pieces then. I'm happy now. I have Angel and my daughter and my friends –'

And so the volcano erupted …

'AND WHAT ABOUT ME, HUH? I LIVE IN A SHITHOLE, I DON'T HAVE A JOB, EVERYWHERE I FUCKING GO I AM REMINDED THAT YOU, YOU STUPID BITCH, ARE TELLING PEOPLE THAT I KILLED OUR CHILD! I HAVE FRIENDS HERE TOO! YOU THINK THEY AIN'T RANG ME UP AND ASKED ME ABOUT IT? WELL THEY FUCKING HAVE. I'M SORRY MY LIFE AIN'T AS FUCKING PERFECT AS YOURS!'

I didn't move an inch as he got up close into my face, spraying me with his spit as he stared me down with those once beautiful, now only haunted, set of deep blue eyes. I could see the vein in his forehead throbbing angrily. His teeth were gritted, his jaw set. His chest heaved.

'And what do you want me to do about it?' I hissed with deadly venom.

'I want you to fix it, bitch,' he spat.

'Why would I want to do anything for you?' I questioned as I took a step backwards, finding that the bold scent of his breath was making me feel quite sickly.

However my attempts to put some distance between me, Spike and his repulsing breath failed as he took a step closer, allowing no space to come between us. I chomped down on my lip, forcing my knee not to rise up and "accidently" collide with somewhere that would be rather painful.

'You just don't get it, do you Spike? Our forever is over. Gone, non-existent, ended. As soon as you get that into your thick skull, you can move on,' I said.

'What if I don't want to move on?' Spike asked, the trembling of his fury decreasing slightly.

'Try. Me and you – we're never going to happen, not again. I learn from my mistakes.'

Spike spun round and delivered a sharp kick to the coffee table. It toppled over with a large clatter. The mug that had been positioned on there, holding some sort of muddy looking liquid, shattered on the floor, the liquid flowing. My eyes darted from the mess to Spike. He sure had an anger problem. I didn't know how I had missed that when I had been dating him.

'I am no mistake,' he hissed.

'You … are … the … biggest … mistake … of … my … life,' I spoke out sharply and clearly.

His eyes narrowed into slits. They were dark – extremely dark. I couldn't recognize the beautiful blue colour they possessed. His face scrunched up into fury. Everything turned deeper and darker. I recognized that face, I had seen this side of him before, and it was only as the memory of me falling down the stairs embedded into my brain that I realised his fists were screwed up tightly by his side, quivering like a maniac.

My eyes clamped shut, blackening everything out. I didn't want to see his fist rise and smack me in the face, I much preferred him getting it over with and giving Angel a reason to tear him limb from limb then burn the pieces.

I waited.

And just as I opened my eyes slightly and saw his hand shaking inches away from me, the door burst open.

I was saved.

* * *

**WOOOOOOOO! ANGEL IS HERE TO KICK SOME ASS! YESS! ABOUT TIME, DON'T YOU ALL THINK?!**

**I THINK THERES ONLY TWO MORE CHAPTERS LEFT IF IM BEING HONEST :(**

**AND I'M NOT HAPPY. BUT DON'T WORRY … I AM WRITING A NEW BUFFY/ANGEL FIC – BUT THIS ONE IS SUPERNATURAL THEMED! OH YES!**

**SO, PLEASE REVIEW! LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! AND I APOLOGISE FOR THE VILE LANGUAGE – BUT SPIKE IS VILE AND BUFFY IS PEEVED! **

**LOTS OF LOVE,**

**BETH! X**


	15. Turning Your Back On The Past

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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the head which this story comes out of. Everything Buffy related belongs to the wonderful Joss Whedon.**

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**Battlefield.**

**Chapter Fifteen: Turning Your Back On The Past. **

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_I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. – Marilyn Monroe._

You really don't want to do that, Spikey,' Angel growled as he stepped into the flat.

He looked more dark and menacing than I had ever seen him before. He towered over Spike, staring him down with his furious brown eyes that lacked any of the bright cheeriness I was used to. Spike's clenched fist uncurled and fell to his side, however a mocking smirk broke out across his arrogant face. I took a step away from him; never letting my eyes waver from the two stood before me as I took a stance next to Angel. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me behind him. He was taking me out of the battlefield, protecting me of any danger.

'Well, well, niblet, you really have blossomed since High school,' Spike smirked, eyeing his muscular arms.

'Same I can't say same for you – you're still a scrawny scruff,' said Angel.

I felt Angel's fingers intertwine with mine. He gave me a soft squeeze.

Spike's bottom lip quivered as his eyes turned into slits, staring at us with fury. Once again, his fists clenched tightly by his sides, his knuckles whitening. Angel seemed to be getting a kick out of Spike's anger, although I was slightly worried for Angel – what if Spike had a secret weapon, like a knife or a gun, concealed away somewhere? After everything he had done without using some sort of weapon, I feared what he would be able to do with some assistance like that.

'Nice place,' Angel mocked sarcastically, wrinkling his nose at the mess.

I squeezed his fingers as tightly as I could, begging him not to taunt the physco too far. It wasn't the wisest thing to do – we already knew Spike had a short temper.

'So, Spikey, what brings you to Sunnydale?' questioned Angel, finally turning serious and dropping the mocking.

It was Spike's turn to smirk as he pointed a bony, long finger in my direction.

'I'm sorry, she belongs to me now – no refund,' Angel growled, tensing up.

'You see … I never actually let her go, she left before I could have any say in the matter … she's belonged to me the full time, niblet,' said Spike.

He took a step backwards and dropped down onto the foul sofa, stretching out across the whole uncomfortable thing. He placed his hands behind his head, a faint small playing upon his pale, amused face. Angel took a step forward; his fists clenched tightly looking as though they weren't going to unravel for the next several years, dragging me along by my hand. He stopped a few metres from Spike, hiding me further behind him.

'Seem to be suffering from insanity, huh?'

'Not really, Angel dear … You see, that day when Buffy fell-'

'When Buffy was pushed,' snarled Angel.

'Now, now – temper, temper. As I was saying … when Buffy _fell _down the stairs, I ran away. I went on the road for a while, deciding to wait out until it blew over … until Buffy forgave me … and anyway I knew Faith wanted my guts for garters-'

'Damn straight,' I muttered.

'So imagine when I came home, finding an empty house with all of my girlfriends shit gone. It surprised me. You could have fled the bloody country for all I knew. So I went to Drusilla – she would tell me if she saw you leave with anyone … like that ponce Xander and the redhead. Except when I went to Drusilla's, she told me she knew where you were-'

'Darla,' Angel and I hissed.

'Remember her?' smirked Spike. He turned to Angel. 'You should especially, buttercup, she is your ex after all.'

Angel snarled.

'Think how amazed I was to know that Drusilla's little cousin was in fact someone I knew from High School. Well, then my plan all came together. Drusilla rang Darla up and well … surprise! Surprise! Darla had seen my girlfriend –'

'_Ex-_girlfriend,' I interjected.

'And she was on another man's arm supporting a fat belly with another little bastard growing inside of her,' smirked Spike.

Angel leapt forward, growling at the mention of Evelyn, but I managed to pull him back with some force. I looked at him sternly in the eyes, begging him to leave it. He gave me a soft nod before pressing a kiss to my forehead. We turned back to Spike, who had been watching us in amusement. I heard Angel grind his teeth together.

'I decided to wait a few months until Darla phoned with the news you had popped. Where's the fun in just spooking you and Angel Pie?'

'Does Drusilla know why you came down here?' said Angel, cocking his eyebrow.

'Nope,' replied Spike, sitting up. 'The stupid bint just thinks I left her because of the fuckin' mistake we made.'

My eyes widened. 'You got Drusilla pregnant?!'

'Her problem, not mine,' shrugged Spike.

I couldn't believe the vile things coming out of his mouth. I felt physically sick with everything he had admitted. Drusilla was out there somewhere, totally alone, either heavily pregnant or with a baby. Even though she had caused me grief from the day I had met her, she or her child didn't deserve to be abandoned like that. Spike had gotten me pregnant and killed our child, now he had gotten Drusilla pregnant and abandoned their child.

'You're a sick bastard,' I yelled from behind Angel.

'Tell me something I don't know, peaches,' Spike grinned.

I suddenly had the huge urge to vomit. I bent over and took a deep breath in, closing my eyes. I let Evelyn's gorgeous face shine in my mind to try and calm me. I felt Angel's large hands rubbing my back, though I wouldn't be surprised if his eyes were firmly on Spike. I felt the vomit rise in my throat but I swallowed it before it had chance to decorate the floor.

'So, I would like my girlfriend back,' Spike spoke up from the sofa.

'You can go to hell,' I heard Angel hiss.

I suddenly heard Angel's phone vibrating in his pocket, twitching slightly in his tight pockets, though Angel, whether he was acting or hadn't really noticed it, kept his eyes locked on Spike, who too didn't seem to realise Angel's phone was going off. I straightened up; the urge to vomit disappearing was a huge desire of mine at the moment. From the corner of my eye I saw Angel flash a glance at me. Maybe he did know his phone was vibrating after all …

'God, Spike, you're such a worthless piece of shit,' Angel suddenly said.

Spike sat up, his eyes fixating on Angel. 'And if I'm a worthless piece of shit, then what are you peaches?' he questioned angrily.

Spike had been labelled as worthless his whole life. His parents had never wanted him, had abused him, and the word "worthless" had probably been an overused word in their vocabulary to describe him. It wasn't fair for anyone to be treated like that, even an obvious physco like Spike himself. I was thankful at that moment that Angel and I loved our daughter so much and that she would never be as cruelly treated as Spike had been. I guess that it explained why he seemed to be furious at Angel's comment – it probably brought scarring memories for him.

'Well … if I'm being honest – and tell me if I'm not … I'm someone who doesn't rape their girlfriend and knock her up-'

'You fucking –'

'Wait … and then I'm pretty sure I would actually care about my future child. Oh … and my favourite part … I know for certain I wouldn't even dream of punching my pregnant girlfriend and making her fall down the stairs. Hmm, I think that about sums me up to be honest,' smirked Angel, clapping his hands together.

Spike jumped to his feet, his whole body quivering in absolute fury. His knuckles were whitened, his pupils were like slits and even his eyes seemed to be as black as coal. His nostrils flared, his jaw was squared, and his whole body was tensed up. I noticed Angel motion for me to move away. I obliged.

'Oh, shit, sorry Spike! I forgot you are _all _those things. A child murdering, girlfriend raping scumbag who-'

SMACK.

Spike's fist flew straight into Angel's nose. His nose burst, blood splattering across his face and dripping down his shirt. I gasped, my eyes widening at the river of blood flowing from his nose, and was about to make my way over to Angel when he held up his hand and shook his head.

'Please,' he begged.

I nodded and took a step backwards, my eyes fearful.

Angel turned around, smirked mockingly at Spike who too was covered in Angel's blood, before launching his fist straight into Spike's nose. With a horrible crunching sound, it was evident that Spike's nose was broken. Spike doubled over, yelling in pain as he clutched at his now crooked nose.

'Mother fucker!' he spat.

Angel took this as his queue to get the revenge he had been planning since the first time I told him the tale of my life in Michigan.

He kneed Spike forcefully in the stomach causing Spike to fall completely onto his face, smacking his already painful broken nose on the floor. Spike let out a strangled cry as he rolled over onto his back, cupping his nose with his bloody fingers. Angel began booting him repeatedly in his sides, causing Spike to cry out in pain with every single blow. Angel's face was twisted into a truly furious rage as he bent down and pulled Spike up by the front of his shirt.

'You _ever _trying hurting my family again and I promise you … I will kill you,' hissed Angel.

He lowered Spike back onto his feet before delivering one final punch to his face. Spike instantly collapsed to the floor, completely knocked unconscious.

As Angel massaged his fists and I stood staring at Spike's limp body, the front door flew open to reveal Parker and Riley stood in the hall. They both slid inside the apartment, glaring around before their eyes finally found Spike sprawled out across the floor. Their eyes looked surprised for a moment before sliding up to find a blood covered Angel stroking his own nose, then finally seeing me a few metres away looking like a deer in headlights.

'He attacked me first,' stated Angel.

To this, Parker and Riley merely nodded.

'You'll have to come down to the station I'm afraid … you know, to give a statement,' said Riley, rubbing the back of his neck.

Angel nodded in response.

Parker and Riley trudged over to Spike, lifted him off his feet and carried him towards the door. I swore I heard Parker proclaiming his amazement about "how Angel totally cleaned him out" to Riley.

Angel and I followed behind them in silence.

* * *

That night I took refuge outside on the back garden steps, staring up at the peaceful night's sky. The stars twinkled delightfully, like thousands of tiny diamonds embedded into the blackness. It was a beautiful sight. The bright full moon was hidden behind an army of gentle grey clouds. It wasn't freezing, though it wasn't warm. I wouldn't have been able to feel the cold anyway – at the moment I felt quite numb.

Angel and I hadn't spoke since we had left Spike's flat. We were both mentally adjusting to the events that occurred in that vile little flat. However, I had learnt of the events leading up to when Angel had arrived …

Angel had, as I asked, gone up to feed Evelyn twenty minutes after I had left. To his utter surprise, he had found the letter and instantly understood his purpose in my unsaid plan. He gave Faith strict instructions to keep her eye on Evelyn no matter what before dashing out without even giving Faith an explanation as to what was going on. On his way to Spike's flat, he had rung up Willow and ordered her to ring Parker and Riley in the next fifteen to twenty minutes and inform them of the situation with Spike. Angel had also requested that once Parker and Riley were near Spike's apartment to give him some sort of sign. Which explained why he had ignored his phone when it vibrated – he had been waiting for that sign all along. I guessed that once he knew Riley and Parker were close, he needed to make his move to piss off Spike and give him a reason to hit him first. It worked out quite well as Spike was charged with assault. After all, Angel had only been defending himself.

I too was able to come out about my hidden past.

I spent almost a full hour in an interrogation room with Parker and Riley, reliving the horrors of my past with Spike. It was the first time that I had told anyone, besides family and friends, about the incidents that had happened during my stay in Michigan. I could have sworn I saw Parker wipe a tear away when my story came to an end. Nonetheless, Spike was then charged with rape, abuse and assault. Then it was Angel's turn in the interrogation room. Angel told them everything from the creepy, detailed pictures of my mother sleeping to the vandalism of Willow and Oz's house to the kidnapping of Evelyn. Charges of invasion of privacy, vandalism and abduction were added to his ever-growing list. It was for sure: Spike was going to be spending a lot of time cooped up in a prison cell.

'I'm sorry you had to see that today, Buffy.'

'I've seen worse … heck, I've lived through worse,' I replied.

Angel took a seat beside me, cupping my hand in his own – the one that didn't have a blue cast around it. He rubbed his thumb in circular motions across my skin before laying his head down on my shoulder.

'Believe me when I say that I never _ever _wanted you to see me like that,' he whispered, sounding as though his words were choking him. 'I don't want you to be scared of me, don't fear me or feel like I will ever do what he did because –'

'I would never even think a single thought like that. You aren't like him, Angel; you'll never be like him. I understand why you did what you did … you were protecting me, Evelyn … our family,' I whispered.

'He thought I wasn't going to make him pay for what he did to you, to us … he thought wrong. Buffy, I swear to you that I will never let another single human being lay their hands on you ever again. I will protect you from this … this ongoing battle…

When Spike was saying he wanted you back, it made me sick to my stomach. I never want anyone else to have some sort of claim on you – ever. I want you to belong to me, and only me … forever. Buffy, will you do me a favour …?'

I felt Angel slid his hand out of mine.

'What?' I questioned.

'Will you do me the honour of being my wife?' Angel asked softly.

I spun around to see Angel kneeled down on one knee next to me, holding a blue velvet box in his free hand, his eyes shimmering like two of the brightest stars in the sky. He looked so fearful, as though he was waiting for my rejection. Foolish idiot.

'Of course, I will,' I answered.

Angel's eyes lit up as he slid the ring, the very expensive looking ring, onto my finger.

I pressed my lips to his.

Our engagement was sealed with a kiss.

It wasn't about the past anymore. It was about the future … and all the magic we could create it with.

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**NOOOOOO! ONE CHAPTER LEFT; THE EPILOGUE! Which I'm already half way through but thinking about re-writing. **

**I found it difficult writing this chapter, though I'm happy with it. Extremely happy with it. And I really, really, really hope you are too! **

**Please leave your reviews. Because, as well as the next chapter, it will be the last two reviews you ever leave for this story. Wow, that thought makes me sad.**

**Anyway, TWILIGHT FANS – I have recently published a new Twilight story called 'A Walk In Your Shoes' check it out and review please!**

**And BUFFY FANS – I have a spoiler for my new supernatural fic at the end of the next chapter.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! AND I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKED IT!**

**Lots of love,**

**Beth x**


	16. Happy Endings Do Exist

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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my imagination that created this story and made it possible to write. Everything Buffy related belongs to the wonderful Joss Whedon and always has done.**

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**Battlefield.**

**Chapter Sixteen (Epilogue): Happy Endings Do Exist. **

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_The hardest thing to do in this world is to live in it – Buffy The Vampire Slayer, The Gift._

_**ONE YEAR LATER …**_

I had thought I was going to be a wife, the Mrs O'Conner, before becoming a mother for the second time. However, you stumble across a few surprises in life. Like the surprise of finding out I was three months pregnant only a month after Angel had proposed to me. I hadn't even put the clues together, like the morning sickness and late period, which was why my eyes were the size of two plate saucers after the doctor congratulated me with the news. The whole family, especially Angel and Willow, were ecstatic about my little surprise. And it turned out that I was only a month behind Willow. Definite best friend pregnancy bonding had been in both of our minds after I had broken the news about the new addition to the Summer/O'Conner family.

Although, I was more interested in explaining to Evelyn she was going to have a baby brother or sister. I knew that she was only eight months and would therefore not understand a single word I was saying, however I wanted to explain why in a few months she would have the responsibility of being an older sibling for the rest of her life. So when I finally had a moment alone with my baby girl, I explained – as simply as I could – that Mommy was going to get fat and then the stork would bring a baby like her to the house. It was as much use as talking to a brick wall. Evelyn just gave me a blank stare before giggling as though I had pulled a funny face. I just laughed back. What did I expect from an seven month child?

One night, when Angel and I were snuggled up in bed, I made a tiny offer. I asked Angel if we could wait until the baby was born before we married. I wanted everyone there, including our child that still had months to go before it was born. And Angel, being the truly amazing human he was, agreed with enthusiasm. So our marriage was postponed until our family had been completed.

As soon as we possibly could, we moved out of our beloved house, handing it over to Faith who was pretty ecstatic to own such a beautiful house. We were soon only a few seconds away from Willow and her home. Everyone helped us decorate our new home – Xander and Oz helped Angel with everything to do with building and other manly activities, whilst Mom and Cordelia helped me with decorating the rooms. After I had decorated Evelyn's in an Alice in Wonderland theme – she loved that story – with a huge Cheshire Cat covering one wall, I decided to move onto the little ones room. It was decorated in a soft yellow colour – something that would suit either gender – with swirls and other patterns. It looked gorgeous.

Two week after we moved in, Willow found out she was expecting another girl. I was extremely happy for her. Her sixth month bump was visible now beneath most of her shirts – it added a glow to her. Whereas my five month bump was only beginning to bloom, it still looked like I had only put on weight to me. Angel thought it was the most amazing thing in the world. When Willow and I began shopping for our little ones, I finally got an insight to the name she and Oz had decided for their daughter. Blair Annabelle Osbourne. It was a beautiful name. And, the more Willow gushed over her daughter, the more curious I became to find out the sex of my own little miracle.

The next month couldn't have gone slower. It went painfully slow. However, after what seemed an eternity, I was lay at the doctors with my bump exposed and cold gel rubbed across it. And when the doctor asked if I wanted to know the sex, I couldn't have been less eager – I almost scared him. Angel told him that I had been waiting for this for the last four weeks. I had to tell Angel to shut it so I could find out the gender at all.

I was going to have a little girl.

Angel and I celebrated with joy. Neither of us was rooting for a certain gender as long as our child was happy and healthy, though we were glad that Evelyn would have a baby sister to look out for. It was something that I as a child had always dreamed of yet never had the chance to fulfil. Everyone was so happy for Willow and I. Both of us would have two beautiful little girls – something we had always dreamt about in High School.

The next three months went by like a flash of lightening. I was woke up at eight in the morning on the sixth of October by Angel who informed me that Willow had gone into labour and had given birth last night. We rushed to the hospital, as fast as we could seen as there was rush hour traffic, to be greeted by a euphoric Willow and Oz. Blair Annabelle Osbourne was so incredibly stunning. It had been almost a year since I had given birth to Evelyn … I forgot how tiny newborns were. Sky adapted extremely well to her baby sister, who she couldn't get enough of. I hoped that my gorgeous Evelyn would mimic Sky's welcoming to her own new sibling.

On the day of Evelyn's first birthday, during her fabulous party that Grandma Joyce, Daddy and Aunty Cordelia had set up, I went into labour. It was a tough eight hours, much harder than Evelyn's birth, but at twenty to midnight, on the same day as Evelyn's birthday, I was blessed with a healthy little boy. And what a surprise he was. After months of expecting a girl, I had never in my wildest imagination expected to hold a seven and a half pound little boy who was the handsomest creature I had ever laid eyes on.

It was so amazing sitting in the hospital bed, cradling my new baby boy in one arm with my beautiful little girl snuggled up in my other. I felt complete, whole. I had Angel to thank for that as well. I would never have gotten to where I was without him by my side, I would never have produced the two most precious human beings in this world, and I would never have gotten over the past.

Whilst I cradled my two perfections in my arms, I finally understood what being a mother meant. Being a mother is sacrificing everything, even your own life, to protect your children. It was when you looked down at your newborn baby for the first time and smiling like an idiot because you never knew something so precious and so delicate could exist. Being a mother was when you felt that tiny heartbeat and you knew that you'd never be able to love anything else so much in the world. It wasn't a job or a responsibility, it was a gift. And the gift of being a mother would never ever compare to anything else in the universe.

After everyone crowded in the tiny hospital room, adoring my new son from all angles, was the first time when anyone questioned about his name. I instantly looked up at Angel. I had named Evelyn, it was his turn. With a quick murmur of "are you sure?" and me pressuring him to choose, Angel decided on the name Noah Liam O'Conner.

So there we had it.

Angel and I were parents of the two most beautiful children in the world. Willow and Oz's family was also complete with their two gorgeous children. My Mom was back in her own house … except, unlike before this whole ordeal had begun, she wasn't alone! Giles – Rupert Giles – and my Mom were dating. Ok, I had been pretty grossed out in the start though I realised how happy they were … and that made me happy. Cordelia and Xander had also began dating – much surprise to Angel and I. Everyone else said they had seen it coming for a while, so I guessed both of us had been pretty out of it that we had blindingly not seen the chemistry between them. Whilst Faith was finally embracing life to the best of her ability, which included her getting a job and reducing the amount of time she spent getting drunk on nights out at The Bronze.

There was only one last thing to do...

* * *

I entered through the large oak doors, watching as every single person spun around in their seats to survey me. Giles gave my arm a little squeeze as we began sauntering down the aisle. I felt so privileged to have Giles giving me away on the happiest day of my life. I finally looked up to scan what the end of this long walk would bring.

Xander and Oz were the first two I spotted, both of them smiling widely down the aisle at me. They were wearing black tuxedos, looking more like powerful business men than two best men. Curled up in Xander's arms was my beautiful son, looking like an angel from heaven. Noah was wearing his own little tuxedo and a blue tie, matching his bright blue little booties. He was going to break all the girl's hearts one day. If it wasn't for all the make up, and what Cordelia would do if I messed it up, then I would have cried in delight right there at the beauty of my baby boy.

On the opposite side lined up in a row, all sporting soft blue bridesmaid dresses, were Willow, Faith, Cordelia, Sky, Blair and my own mesmerizing Evelyn. Willow, Faith and Cordelia each had their hair spiralling down their backs with the same delicate amount of make up brightening up their faces. Even Faith – who did kick and scream before Cordelia threatened her. Evelyn and Sky had their hair tied up in cute childish ponytails as I requested, whereas Blair's vivid red hair was left as its stunning self. Blair was wrapped up in Willow's embrace, watching the whole event with her wide blue eyes, whilst Faith had Sky placed on her hip and Cordelia held Evelyn. My baby girl looked so grown up in her dress – it didn't seem real that she was already one year old.

I sneaked a glance behind me. My Mom was sat on the front row, a crumpled tissue enclosed in her hand, as she watched me with tearful eyes. She gave me a soft nod. I knew what she meant: I was making the right decision. Angel's Father was sat beside her, wearing a heavy smile as he gazed at the scene before him. I smiled back at him.

Finally, I was at the end of the longest walk in my life.

I turned and pressed a kiss to Giles' cheek, thanked him for everything before leaving him to take his seat besides my Mother.

I spun around and looked at the man I was about to give the whole of me to.

Angel stood on the right hand side, sporting a very handsome tuxedo with a white rose tucked in his pocket. He looked so handsome that it almost hurt. He unleashed the full beauty of his brown orbs upon me, fluttering his eyelashes as he drunk in my appearance. I guess you couldn't really miss me in the humongous white wedding dress. However, judging from the dying love burning in the depths of his eyes, I knew that I had done well in shaping up for today. Because this day, like forever onwards, was about making Angel and my two children happy as they possibly could be.

We had known each other since High School. He had protected me, flirted with me, and laughed with me. He had grown up with me through the whole of High School, caring for me and secretly loving me. He had the one who picked up the broken shards of my heart when I returned to Sunnydale, when I thought my life was coming to an end. How wrong I had been. When I met Angel, it was only the beginning of my life. He sowed up my shattered heart with his love and affection and then he kept it. He kept my heart so safe and tender. And when we got together – my heart soared. For the first time in almost five years, I felt hope. Hope that maybe my life didn't have to end now. Three months later, only three months after becoming a couple, I fell pregnant with Evelyn. And I knew we were just meant to be. Two years later, we had two children and was now joining together as husband and wife for the rest of eternity.

And I've never been more thankful that I didn't give up on life.

'You look so beautiful,' Angel whispered.

'Only for you,' I replied.

Life could be difficult. It would throw every single bad thing at you and still expect you to carry on as though nothing had ever happened. It would be cruel, twisted and down right evil sometimes. Some days you would wake up and beg for life to end, other days you would question your purpose on this earth. But it wasn't always black and white. The simplest things made life worth living; family, friends, the sun rising in the morning, the breath of fresh air when you stepped out of your home. But I had everything I ever needed right with me now. My soon to be husband, my children, my family and friends – it was the reason why I lived.

Life, if you looked close enough, was beautiful. And I truly believed that … no matter how much Spike had tried to make life unbearably hard, I still believed that life was beautiful.

But it was a pain in the arse, it could be horrible … but you just had to get through the Battlefield.

And I was proud to say that I had survived the Battlefield.

**THE END.**

* * *

**Wow, it doesn't feel real. Nine month I have spent pouring my heart and soul into Silent Tears and Battlefield … and now the adventure is over. How odd. However, I have kept it an open ending – so I could come back to this story someday if I ever had the desire. **

**Moving on … my new Buffy/Angel Fic. Supernatural themed. I'm going to put everything I have into that now. I'm going to make this fic into my best fiction yet – and I want you all to be there helping and reviewing every step of the way! **

**Thanks so much for everything you have done for me with Silent Tears & Battlefield. It means so much. You have all touched my heart. Thanks again!**

* * *

**COMING SOON!!**

**The Deathly Destiny of Darkness.**

_After loosing her mom at the tender age of five, Buffy is thrown into a whole different world. A world where vampires exist. A world where even the most creative fairytale creatures do in fact exist. On a quest to find her mom's killer, she finds herself doing something she swore she never would: falling in love with a vampire. _

**SNEAK PEEK:**

'Was it a monster that put my mommy to sleep?' said Buffy, looking up at him.

'Erm … yeah,' he answered, deciding honesty was the best way.

'I don't like monsters,' croaked Buffy.

* * *


End file.
